so depressed about ttc :(

[d4111]

Hi everyone,

I am really new to this site but it seems like a great place to be able to share my thoughts with so many others ttc this is my story (sorry if its really long !!)..

I had been on the pill throughout most of my 20s as I was in a 7 year relationship from 19-26 yrs. In that time I came of the pill a couple of times and noticed in one year I only had 4 periods... when I bought it up with my GP she just kept sending me for pregnancy tests instead of looking at the bigger picture, which I really regret now. I am now nearly 32 (32 at end of March), with another partner now of 6 years and have been off the pill since September 2006 !! just did yet another pregnancy test this morning and again negative !! its now been a year 3 months and still nothing !! I went to my new doctor, was sent for various ultrasounds, they found a small cyst (nothing to worry about) however when I went back for a 2nd ultrasound the cyst had not only grown 3x bigger but it appears I have PCOS (not worried, can still fall pregnant). My doc also did all routine STD tests to make sure nothing had caused any damage and everything is fine. Did 4 home fertility tets, 2x negative, 2x positive, now waiting to have blood testing for FSH levels as soon as i get my period (unfortunately I have a cycle which is anywhere between 33 days and 39 days so god knows when I ovulate. Its all very depressing as I have no idea when I am ovulating so to play it safe we are having sex pretty much every week so as not to miss the slot and still nothing... my current partner had made his previous partner pregnant (after only 3 months !!! she chose not to keep it) so we doubt he has a problem but he is going for a sperm count as soon as we can get him in to do that.. I am a little annoyed as I was hoping my doc would have referred me to a gynaecologist a little sooner and have now found out, because of where I live in London that the nearest appointment on the NHS will probably be around August/Sept 08 bringing me up to 2 years of ttc...

My parents, bless them, have offered to pay for IVF IF we need it (and I am beginning to think that maybe thats the case).. although I have saved up some money just in case thats the case.. and apparently IVF abroad is so much cheaper than the £4000 a cycle they charge in London so all is not lost.

Its so depressing now seeing everyone and their dog pregnant (many of who havent even been trying or who have had an accident). I am sorry for the moaning and its soooo not fun when someone fertile or who has kids just says "well why dont you just adopt".. (funny how it is always fertile or ppl with kids that say that !!! with very little thought of how adoptions procedures work)... or just say "dont think about it and it will happen"... bit hard not to think about it when you cant think of anything else..

I am so so sorry about the moan and I wish you all a wonderful new year and wish you all the very best of luck in ttc.

Take care.

Dee (D4111)

 

[**angel**]

Hiya Dee
Im so sorry 2 hear bout ur problems doctors r not the best in help women ttc, i hope they dont make u wait too long, have u researched about PCOS?? there is loads on the net and also plenty of sucess stories hopefully they will c u slightly quicker because of ur age, Hope u get the good news very very soon

Kerry x

 

[Arcanegirl]

Hi Dee,
Sorry to hear you are feeling down
Also living in a city i had a very long wait to see someone to get help. The waiting list i got was 9 months. It does pass by quickly though, i couldnt beleive it when the appointment finally came round.
Thats nice of your parents to offer to pay for IVF.

Moan away if you need to, thats what were here for

 

[HAYS]

hey hun,welcome to B&B sorry to hear your having a rough time. We are all here for you to offer advice etc...

xxx

 

[*babydust*]

welcome to B&B! hope you feel better soon,you will find everyone so helpful here,and pleanty of advice to see you through to your BFP and beyond!

 

[Mervs Mum]

Dont worry about moaning - this is a lovely helpful forum and everyone is only too happy to listen.

 

[d4111]

Hi ppl

Thank you for all your responses. Its so nice to finally find a friendly site where people reply so thank you for that.

It is disheartening but I am so lucky for all the good things in my life.

Have done so much research on PCOS (which explains why I am struggling to maintain a decent weight). I am currently trying to lose a bit of weight as hopefully that will help me to conceive. My doctor said that at my age it can often take 18 months plus to conceive and that I shouldn't worry as I am not at the 18 month mark yet. I am currently in the process of trying to find a private gynaecologist (although its really pricey) it may be the way to go as the more time I wait the older I get and all the biological clock stuff is scaring me now...

why is it that we spend our entire life avoiding pregnancy only to find it THAT difficult to conceive when we are in a position to do so

My last period was on the 3rd Dec 07 (I usually have around 36 days cycle) which means I should have come on by now. I did a pregnancy test yesterday which was negative. I will wait another week and if still no period then I will test again... not getting my hopes up though as this happens every time I am due on (am spending soo much on pregnancy tests at the mo !!)..

thanks again for listening people

hugs to everyone

dee xxxx

 

[Tam]

I wish you all the luck in the world with TTC hun! x

 

[secondchance]

I no just how you feel,sometimes I feel like why do the women who don't want babies just keep getting pg w/o even trying. I myself have done alot of crying these past few days, I feel better after. I wish you the best on ttc I'll say a prayer so god gives us the strength to continue on this difficult journey

 

[keelykat]

Hey, good luck with TTC. I hope it doesn't take you too long!

All the best. x

keely.

 

[d4111]

After spending the whole weekend depressed have decided that this is a new year, things can only get better and am not going to buy any pregnancy tests anymore or think about ovulation, am just going to go with the flow, try shed a few pounds and start thinking really positively I will look at the situation again when I hit the 18 month mark of ttc (as in the grand scheme of things I am over 30 so this is the norm) I HAVE to start thinking positive or its never gonna happen..

just wish that my period would come so i can have these FSH tests (although I dont really want it to come in the vain hope that i am pregnant lol)... but either ways shall perservere.

Thank you to everyone for your kind words and support. I wish you all the very very best and look forward to someone posting "I am pregnant" in this thread !!

Dee xxxx

 

[dakini]

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time. And don't worry about moaning, we're all here for you. I hope you get your BFP soon!

 

[**angel**]

glad ur feelin abit more positive hun adn feelin that way really does help as i have found out, take care and lots of baby dust ur way xxx

 

[hayley352]

dee, i have just been for blood tests. i came of the pill in sept 07 and have had irregular cycles. i just got my results and eveything is normal.
please dont worry sometime doctors are over cautiousm it will happen xx

 

[Tishimouse]

Here's wishing you luck and lots of and a great big

This ttc lark is not as simple as it seems and you are definitely in the right place to air your frustration and share everything from laughter to tears.