So Emotional....I Want My Babies Home :(

[Mahogany]

Hi Everyone,


I am so sad, upset, emotional.....I just want to cry all the time.

I had my twin boys at 35 wks and 2 days (March 15th)....both are in the NICU.

They are getting bigger, but still being gavaged. I hate that stupid tube in their noses and throats. They have been there for 2 weeks already and there seem to be NO light at the end of this tunnel

I know they are in the right place, but still I am so down and emotional. I worry all the time and can't sleep. To top in of I don't feel good today. What if I get a cold, and can't go in there ????

What am I going to do??

Will this ever be over??? Will they keep my babies forever???

 

[Laura2919]

Hello Hun.
I had my girls at 29 weeks and 6 days and they were home within 4 weeks.
I was really sad and upset and once I cried when I had to leave and one of the nurses sat me down and said, 'Laura, I know its horrible but they are getting the care they need and while they are getting the care you can have a full nights sleep and come back nice and refreshed to face the day, each day I went back they had done something else like had their ng tubes taken out or they went onto a smaller monitor and they started feeding by bottles and it made me feel better.

They will be home soon and then you will be refreshed and ready to tackle the endless washing, ironing, cleaning, sterilising and lots more.

Chin up hun xxx

 

[Marleysgirl]

Awww, I remember there being days when Andrew seemed to make no progress (he was in for 11 weeks). But I also remember the wonderful days when I went in and he'd been promoted to the next room, he'd fed, he'd moved off Cpap onto oxygen, he was dressed ... All wonderful little steps that he had to take to get to discharge.

I was naughty, I even went into NICU to see him when I had a cold. I made sure that I was dosed up so that my nose wasn't running; I washed and anti-bac'd my hands repeatedly; and I didn't actually touch him for two days. It was enough just to see him. I told the nurses that "I thought I was coming down with a cold" and that's why I was being hands-off.

 

[vwilliams89]

You are so right emotional..i had my babygirl at 34 weeks on March 15 she was 5lbs & 1oz.She in only for feeding & seeing that tube in her nose gets me upset.

 

[TwoBumps]

Its horrible leaving them in there I know, but they are getting stronger all the time and they will be home with you before you know it. Just expect them home around their due date, and if they come home before that it will be a bonus!!

My twins were in for 8 weeks and it felt like an eternity, but it really was the best and only place for them to be at that time x

 

[Cazzyg]

Oh sweetie, it won't be forever. They will be home with you soon, but for now they are in the right place.

I know it's different for every baby, but it seems that when they are on the mend, the progress they make can be really quite rapid.

Remember to look after yourself too, getting plenty of rest and eating well.

 

[Foogirl]

It is so difficult to make that journey every day and to leave at the end of the day and to feel that nothing is improving.

One of the NNICU nurses said to us "she might not seem like she is getting any better but whilst she is in there sleeping, she is growing. No change is better than a backwards step"

From that point on, we came to accept that the status quo was a good thing. So many of the stories I hear are of big leaps forwards then little slides backwards. I don't know how I could have coped with that. Abby was a "slow and steady wins the race" baby and took teeny tiny steps forward and didn't slip back.

It took 6 weeks to get her home and they were by far the longest 6 weeks of our lives, but we learned to appreciate every "first" and each day was a day closer to having her home.

As Cazzy says, take care of yourself. Use the time to heal and rest as much as you can so you are fighting fit for when you get them home.

 

[premmiemum123]

I know it is so hard, leaving your babies in NICU is the hardest thing to do as a new mother, eventually you will get into a routine and then before you know it they will be home. I spent over 12 weeks visiting my little girl and it nevers gets easier but you begin to live with it. Then once I got her home boy did she let us know she was there, still does. Make sure you rest, get plenty of sleep and be strong for your babies. Also keep a diary, it keeps you sane especially if you pour your heart out to it when you are not doing that with the nurses as I often did (do take advantage of their support as they are trained to understand what you are going through). Have not read my diary since I wrote my last page the day EMily was discharged but I will read it one day with Emily when she is old enough to understand.

 

[katy1310]

I know exactly how you feel.

I had Sophie on 14th March at 27 weeks and she is in neonatal 60 miles away. We have been going up every day to see her and I feel exhausted as well as emotional, because I'm not giving myself a chance to recover from the c section but I just can't bear not to be seeing her.

It breaks my heart to see the tubes etc and when they do her blood gasses and so on I could cry watching the little soul having blood taken from her foot and clearly being in pain I have only seen that once - I used to try not to watch but the other day I was beside her when they started doing it, and she was wriggling and her little face was all screwed up in pain and i just could not leave her, I just held her little hand and stroked her and told her that when she comes home, I promise nothing nasty will happen to her, she will just get cuddles and wear beautiful soft clothes and have all the love in the world and no more nasty things. When I came home I cried It felt like it physically hurt me to see her in pain.

Today we had a day at home, the first day we have had at home together since the end of February, and I am missing her so much. I feel really emotional and I was just looking through the pictures we took over the weekend. When I came to the ones of the first cuddle I ever had with her, I started to cry. I am missing her so much it hurts.

It's lovely when you see new steps being taken - she came off the ventilator and has been on cpap and they tried her off that at the weekend and she breathed on her own for ages - but they said she started to make a fuss because she has been used to the feel of the air up her nose! They are planning to wean her slowly off it though. She has put on weight (was 1lb13.8 at birth 3 weeks ago) and is now 2lb4), has been out for cuddles, we are allowed to change her nappies at last and her feeds have increased - all these things make us feel loads better but then I start to feel really down again because of not having her at home.

I don't know if you feel like this but it's almost like she is not my baby, having to watch her being cared for by other people and having to be invited to change her nappy or give her a cuddle etc. I know she is in the best place but you have all the hormones of having had a baby, the tiredness of having to get up to express every 3 hours through the night etc but then she isn't here at home...if that makes sense.

I try to stay positive but it's really hard. At the same time though I am so relieved that she is here and doing well, because we could have both not made it if they hadn't done the emergency c section, so for that I will always be grateful.

I hope you are ok, if you need to chat with someone else going through the same thing, pm me.