So Frustrated and Alone

[littlemamana]

*Post deleted* Thanks for your replies!

 

[Laura2919]

Hi. Welcome

Firstly could his mum just want to be involved? FOB's mum has always said whatever happens she will be a part of their lives and would love to still be involved in their bringing up. Sometimes they raise pigs but are genuinely nice people themselves.

Anyway, if he is wanting to apply for visitation he wouldnt get very much when the baby is newly born, all babies should be with their mother for the first few months so a court would probably rule in your favour and arrange for another appearence when the baby is older

 

[Mally01]

Well I am not an expert but as Laura said, in the beginning he has no chance as baby needs to be with Mummy. After that, I still think he has no chance in hell because he has already done damage by a) easily leaving you and b) not contacting you until it suits him and doubting he is the father. I am sure if he and his family decided (and you don't know if they even will, so don't stress about this okay) to sue for custody / visitation rights, then he would have a very weak case against you. Like I said, I am not an expert but I can't imagine for one second that a judge doesn't take into account the behaviour of the FOB before the baby is born, men seem to forget this important bit of information. It does not look good on them if they have treated you badly / abandoned you / not contacted you. The idiots think they can treat you like crap or not speak to you for the entire pregnancy and then when the baby is born, think they have bloody rights above the mother. I wouldn't worry hun, he has shot himself in the foot with his behaviour. I would go ahead and get a DNA done though when baby is born, if only to shut him up and make you more relaxed because he can't hassle you about that constantly.

 

[babydue2011]

Welcome

I agree with Laura and Mally. Depending where you are as well... I know in US (Texas anyways) if the FOB is wanting a DNA test.. then they would have to pay for it if it comes out positive. So when baby is here and he still wants it then let him do it. but make sure he or his family pays for it. no reason you should be out the money when you know the truth! As well for custody... i really dont think you would have to worry about that. Now courts may set up visitation rights but i do not see any reason why they would take away full custody from you. oh and keep notes.

I will be a single mum no FOB involved but gone through this sort of thing (third person) with my nephews... be strong and we are all here if you need a vent... believe us.. it feels good to just let it out

 

[littlemamana]

Hi. Welcome

Firstly could his mum just want to be involved? FOB's mum has always said whatever happens she will be a part of their lives and would love to still be involved in their bringing up. Sometimes they raise pigs but are genuinely nice people themselves.

I don't really care at this point if she wants to be involved. I tried very hard to keep her and her family involved this whole time. I texted them after every appointment to update. However, I do not care anymore because her text to me last night showed she is siding with her son since she apparently thinks he has "legitimate concerns" about whether or not he is the father. So, she can't side with him and think that I am a loose person but still want a relationship with me and the baby. That just won't happen.

 

[Laura2919]

Hi. Welcome

Firstly could his mum just want to be involved? FOB's mum has always said whatever happens she will be a part of their lives and would love to still be involved in their bringing up. Sometimes they raise pigs but are genuinely nice people themselves.

I don't really care at this point if she wants to be involved. I tried very hard to keep her and her family involved this whole time. I texted them after every appointment to update. However, I do not care anymore because her text to me last night showed she is siding with her son since she apparently thinks he has "legitimate concerns" about whether or not he is the father. So, she can't side with him and think that I am a loose person but still want a relationship with me and the baby. That just won't happen.

But I think your missing the point. He is her son, she will always side with him when push comes to shove, believe me I learned that myself. FOB's mum is really nice, she will help me when she can, do what she can and even agree with me on lots of points about FOB which make me angry but when it boils down to it he is her son and she raised him so she will always defend him when it comes to it.

Men just have an easy escape when they want to leaving the woman to pick up the pieces but right now you feel like you have drawn the short straw but it wont be like that forever.

 

[littlemamana]

But I think your missing the point. He is her son, she will always side with him when push comes to shove, believe me I learned that myself. FOB's mum is really nice, she will help me when she can, do what she can and even agree with me on lots of points about FOB which make me angry but when it boils down to it he is her son and she raised him so she will always defend him when it comes to it.

Men just have an easy escape when they want to leaving the woman to pick up the pieces but right now you feel like you have drawn the short straw but it wont be like that forever.

I understand that she will side with her son, however that doesn't excuse her implying that I am a "slut". I do not want anyone involved with my child who looks down on me especially when I have done nothing wrong. She should surely see that her son is in the wrong for completely shirking his responsibilities. As my own mother has said, there are times when you, as a parent, even have to admit that your child has done something wrong.

Also, no, I do not feel like I have drawn the short straw. I am very blessed to be pregnant, I just wish it wasn't by that guy. However, I am the lucky one in the situation. I will be there for all of my baby's moments before and after birth. He won't be. He's the one with the short straw whether he sees that now or not.

 

[littlekitten8]

Hunni please don't take what people say the wrong way. They are only trying to help. Nobody is implying that you have drawn the short straw by being pregnant....simply by who the father is. We are all here to support you and don't forget we have all been through similar experiences. I understand that you feel bitter toward his mother atm but my perspective on her message is that HE has legitimate concerns....not that she thinks that. She may well be a powerful ally to you at this point so don't shut her out without finding out her true feelings on it all first. She will have only gotten his side of things remember. Massive hugs to you hun

 

[Laura2919]

But I think your missing the point. He is her son, she will always side with him when push comes to shove, believe me I learned that myself. FOB's mum is really nice, she will help me when she can, do what she can and even agree with me on lots of points about FOB which make me angry but when it boils down to it he is her son and she raised him so she will always defend him when it comes to it.

Men just have an easy escape when they want to leaving the woman to pick up the pieces but right now you feel like you have drawn the short straw but it wont be like that forever.

I understand that she will side with her son, however that doesn't excuse her implying that I am a "slut". I do not want anyone involved with my child who looks down on me especially when I have done nothing wrong. She should surely see that her son is in the wrong for completely shirking his responsibilities. As my own mother has said, there are times when you, as a parent, even have to admit that your child has done something wrong.

Also, no, I do not feel like I have drawn the short straw. I am very blessed to be pregnant, I just wish it wasn't by that guy. However, I am the lucky one in the situation. I will be there for all of my baby's moments before and after birth. He won't be. He's the one with the short straw whether he sees that now or not.

I meant the whole situation.