So glad to find this...

[ChangeChoices]

I was so happy to stumble across this forum!

My broodiness just keeps increasing with every cycle and it's making me depressed and driving my boyfriend and I apart! I almost started crying when I found this forum, at last, people who understand!!!

I'm 20 years old and living with my boyfriend who is also 20. We have been together for almost two years. Neither of us are in school currently (we both did very well in secondary school but found that stress got the better of us at university). We were sort of engaged for a couple of months, and the reason I say "sort of" is the same reason I called it off: I didn't have a ring. I started to get the idea that he just proposed to make me happy and to take my mind off the whole baby thing. He says he's not emotionally ready to be a father at all. It's not the money, it's not the housing, for him it's that he's just not ready.

I am. I'm more than ready! And with infertility running strongly on both sides for numerous reasons, I'm worried that if my biological clock is ticking so loudly now... am I going to run out of time? Does anyone else worry about that?

 

[plutosblue]

Hi there :wave:

Dang hunni I wouldn't have said yes with no ring, the sparkly seals the deal for me!

Seriously though I understand how you feel, we have infertility running strongly on my side of the family, hence I intend to try in April, I will be 22 by that time but better now than later! You still have plenty of time, they say your 20's is the best time to try since you are your most fertile, so you still have 9 more years of that to go and I'm sure your boyfriend would have plucked up the courage by then!

Best thing you can do is sit and have a talk with him, just say you would love to be (properly) engaged but he needs to make the effort, if all else fails I would ask him later down the line since men are from a different planet and sometimes need a shove in the right direction.

Also try to remember men have a younger mental age than women, so in his mind he will be a lot younger than you, let him voice his concerns, you can't force him into it but at the same time you can try to reassure him a little..

Hope this helps

 

[amyclaire]

welcome to bnb, sorry to hear that infertility runs in both sides but sure ull be fine!
definitely wouldnt say yes without to a proper proposal without a ring!
have you any idea when you're going to be trying? or do u just need to chat with oh? at a guess if hes wanting to propose then bding wont be too far away

 

[ChangeChoices]

Best thing you can do is sit and have a talk with him, just say you would love to be (properly) engaged but he needs to make the effort, if all else fails I would ask him later down the line since men are from a different planet and sometimes need a shove in the right direction.

Whenever I bring it up he skirts around the issue. I feel like I pressured him into it in the first place, and so I feel like if I keep mentioning it he'll only be doing it to get me to shut up.

have you any idea when you're going to be trying?

I find it very difficult to talk about ttc with him because he doesn't even want to think about it right now. At the same time, I know he's thought about it because he says he wants three kids. The closest I've come to him discussing it with me was when he told me he wants to have a permanent residence first, he wants both of us to be mobile, and he wants both of us to have a steady job. I agreed. We both have steady jobs, and I just bought a car so now we are both mobile, and we have a pretty nice apartment. I tried to bring it up again but he says he wants to wait until he's at least 23, but he wouldn't give a reason why, just that he's not ready to be a dad right now.

I think the biggest concern for him is that he doesn't want to seem like a failure to his family. That's another big reason we're not engaged. He was saving up to buy a new car when he proposed (his old one literally exploded, thankfully he wasn't in it!) so I didn't expect a ring right away. We had the perfect ring picked out, and it was completely affordable... and then time went by and the ring sold out. I haven't even told him that the ring isn't available anymore because I don't want to go ring shopping again just to get let down... again.

I'm sure I'm lighting him up to be a bad boyfriend, but he's really not. I just don't think we're on the same page.

 

[parkgirl]

Welcome! I also have fertility issues, so I understand how you are feeling. Just know that there are lots and lots of women with fertility issues that have beautiful babies.

 

[goddess25]

Welcome to B&B its a great forum and welcome to WTT. The girls are all lovely here and alot of them are going through similar issues so i am sure there will be plenty of people to discuss stuff with.
It sounds like your partner is just quite immature, men are emotionally younger than females so it sounds like he just cant cope with the issue. I think your right about the engagement, the ring seals the deal and shows that he is serious too.
I hope we manage to keep your mind of it a little.

 

[calliebaby]

You said that your boyfriend gives you the reason that he is not ready? 20 is still young. Maybe it is exactly as he says. Maybe he feels that in three years he will have more emotional stability to be able to provide for a child. It's wonderful to have a house and a car, but if you are not mentally prepared, it can make it difficult to cope with. I am sorry to hear that you and your BF are on such different pages, but he has given you a time frame for TTC. 23 is still young and not that far away. I hope that everything works out for you and your BF. Men just seem to need more time than us females lol. I was ready about two years ago, but my hubby just recently decided he was ready after 4 years of marriage. It will happen for you though. Best of luck!

 

[ChangeChoices]

Maybe it is exactly as he says. Maybe he feels that in three years he will have more emotional stability to be able to provide for a child.

I do respect that he's not ready to have a baby. The biggest problem is that I'm not allowed to mention my desire for a baby. Well I guess it's not that I'm not allowed, I'm just discouraged from mentioning it. It's like a battle in my head and body that I have to fight completely on my own.

It was suggested to me to get a pet in order to cure the broodiness. My boyfriend and I got a puppy together. It's kept me busy because even though my boyfriend tells everyone that it's "our" puppy, I'm the one that gets up with her every morning to take her out to do her business, and plays with her until she falls asleep so that I can attempt to go back to bed. I've been waking up with horrible headaches the last couple of days, and I asked him to take her out this morning because he was already awake, and he whined soooo much about it. He's definitely not mature enough for a child. If we were to have a baby in nine months I have a feeling he would help out very little.

 

[calliebaby]

I'm sorry. That must be hard.

 

[lovehearts]

Hiya hunni, i know its hard, im 22 and although me and my oh are going to ttc in may it took a while to get there.
I have lived with my bf since i was 20 and he was 21. we were renting a house. I also wanted a baby when we moved in together but he always said in the future. We got a kitten (which unfortunatly we had to rehome due to buying an apartment ) but it doesnt make you less broody huh? My oh always said he didnt want a child until we were on the property ladder! well we got our first mortgage in June this year and when i turned 22 in july my body started sceaming at me that it wanted a baby. like you say it was a battle between my head and my body. i didnt want to keep bringing it up with oh as i didnt want to push him away. In the end we had a scare, i was over a week late for my period and had all the pg signs. we were both convinced i was. When af eventually came i sobbed my heart out and he was pretty gutted too! We sat down and had a chat, we realised we both wanted the perfect holiday before a child came alonge, so the next day we went and booked out holiday. We go in May. Then we will be ttc! I think you really need to tell him how you feel, just make it clear that you know hes not ready but you are whenever he is! 20 is still young and like others have said you have years left but i totally know how you feel. i have been there.



Sorry for the essay!!! lol

xxx