So Lost..

[MummaBear16]

Hiya. Well where to start.. I guess I just need to get some things written down and off my chest! So here goes..

My DP, of almost 8 years, and I have an almost 6 year old son and I am more than ready to ttc another child. My DP on the other hand.. not so much. His initial answer to ttc was always "when you have a job" because I was a SAHM. Well, I got a job. So then he half heartedly agreed to ttc at the end of this year/start of next year. I let it go for a while, and now I am feeling really heavy in my heart about wanting to ttc very soon, but I know he will most likely take back what he said I want our son to have a sibling, and I am worried the age gap is already going to be big, so don't want it any bigger!

I am on the pill currently, and just finished my period (well, withdrawal bleed) and am supposed to start my new pack of pills tomorrow. I am considering not starting a new pack, though. Not to get pregnant! But to see how my cycles are and track my ovulation and make sure everything is working correctly, since I haven't been birth control free and had a natural cycle for almost 7 years. I am so nervous to bring this up with my DP! He might think I am trying to get pregnant without his blessing, which I would never do! Our son wasn't exactly planned, so I am SOOO looking forward to actually planning to ttc and have a child, TOGETHER.

I don't know what to do he will argue we need a bigger house (we don't), and goodness knows what else. I don't want to force him, obviously, I just want him to see it as not a bad idea!

My sister just had her 6th child, a lot of the mothers at my son's school that I talk to have babies, and I am so so ready! I don't like feeling jealous of pregnant women or those with babies, or feeling sad around them, but I can't help it

Please tell me I am not alone!

 

[Amarna]

You're so not alone. I too worry about the age gap between my children being too large, especially between my first and any younger siblings. She was 5 when I had our second DD and will be past 9 years older than this next child depending on how long it takes to TTC.

Have you been absolutely honest with your partner? If you don't feel comfortable speaking with him could you write a letter explaining how you feel?

 

[RoseArcana]

I feel you. My DF is very against a 2nd child (we have a 3yr old DD together that was half planned) and I fear the I will resent him if I feel forced not to have another child. I asked to TTC after the wedding but he's not sure so we are currently going to counselling to try and get to a decision before the wedding. I had to write a letter to get him to understand how important it is to me.

I came off the pill a couple of months ago for the same reasons - my first cycle when NTNP for DD was 168 days long! I explained to DF that I wanted to come off my pill to get my cycles sorted and use the family planning method (condoms during fertile time) once I had it tracked well. He agreed regardless of the TTC issue. I feel so much better off the pill x

 

[Breeaa]

I am with you but wanting a 3rd. My Dh was hesitant at first but agreed to try now. My youngest and a new baby will already be 5 yrs apart and the longer we wait the bigger that gap gets.

I would stop the bc and explain to him why. Then bring up Ttc again. There will never be a perfect time to have a baby. There's always something, even if it's small. He may surprise you and say ok. If he says no ask him his reasoning and really explain how it makes you feel.

 

[MummaBear16]

Thanks ladies it's nice to know I'm not the only one going through this. Well I have stopped the pill, so technically missed 2 pills now. DP was surprisingly all good with it! I was worried he would think I was trying to get pregnant, but just explained I wanted a break from hormones. The bad news is that I tried to bring up ttc, and that didn't go too well.. he flat out said no.

How do you deal with that? I can't make him ttc, but he can affectively make me not be able to conceive.. There is no middle ground it's so hard!

 

[RoseArcana]

This is why it tore me up inside hun. Give it a couple of weeks and then write him a letter maybe? It got my DF to agree to counselling about his PND. X

 

[Flip flop]

I'm in the same situation. Dh agreed to a second over a year ago then changed his mind, bee trying to convince him otherwise ever since. We have a ds who will be 3 soon.

Got him to agree recently that we will try before end of next year but i struggle with the wait everyday. Most people I know with children same age either have second, are pregnant with second or planning it soon. I've been depressed because of it and seeing a therapist at the moment largely because of it.

 

[MummaBear16]

Good luck to you ladies in your journey It's so hard!!

Today DP and I had a chat, that I think went pretty well. I found out his reason for not wanting a baby is basically because he will have to move his stuff (collections of gaming things) out of the spare room, and he won't be able to use it/access it very well.. OMG, did that make him sound selfish! lol I said to him that if he must, most of it can go in the living area, which I have been avoiding things of his from creeping into there for years!

I think I got an almost yes from him about ttc early next year!! Well, he did say yes, but then kept rolling his eyes when I kept going on about it (what's a girl to do? I am so so excited!). I just hope he doesn't change his mind, but I can hold off until then and get excited since it's not far! He had better not say no when the time comes, or I will be so torn up! Our son is already 6 in 4 weeks, so any longer and he will be so old that I don't feel he would bond very well with a younger sibling.

Fingers and toes crossed!

 

[MummaBear16]

This is why it tore me up inside hun. Give it a couple of weeks and then write him a letter maybe? It got my DF to agree to counselling about his PND. X

The letter idea is good. I think I basically expressed all I have to say today. So I hope it sunk in! I will keep that idea in case today wasn't enough!

 

[MummaBear16]

I'm in the same situation. Dh agreed to a second over a year ago then changed his mind, bee trying to convince him otherwise ever since. We have a ds who will be 3 soon.

Got him to agree recently that we will try before end of next year but i struggle with the wait everyday. Most people I know with children same age either have second, are pregnant with second or planning it soon. I've been depressed because of it and seeing a therapist at the moment largely because of it.

It's so hard I hope the therapy is helping you with the struggle. Men think so differently to women. I hope he sticks to your agreement, I know I will be so heartbroken if my DP doesn't.

 

[Flip flop]

I'm in the same situation. Dh agreed to a second over a year ago then changed his mind, bee trying to convince him otherwise ever since. We have a ds who will be 3 soon.

Got him to agree recently that we will try before end of next year but i struggle with the wait everyday. Most people I know with children same age either have second, are pregnant with second or planning it soon. I've been depressed because of it and seeing a therapist at the moment largely because of it.

It's so hard I hope the therapy is helping you with the struggle. Men think so differently to women. I hope he sticks to your agreement, I know I will be so heartbroken if my DP doesn't.

I've only really just started the therapy but hopefully will help. Glad you oh seems to be warming to the. Idea. For me it's about getting the balance between not rushing/preshuring him but wanting to talk about it

 

[dimmu]

I can totally relate to you. DD just turned five and I've been keen to give her a sibling for a couple of years at least, but DH hasn't felt ready. We kind of talked about it last year again, and he agreed we'd try this year. So I came off bc in December and told him I just wanted a break from the hormones and to have a natural cycle as well. Also I was on cerazette and had no AF so told him I was worried it wouldn't be good to go without AF for years.
Anyway he finally agreed to try in April/May but we missed the opportunity with the first two cycles as he didn't want to BD on schedule. He's still playing hard to get on my fertile days even though he now wants another child, he would just prefer if things happened naturally and spontaneously. It's so frustrating, I really thought I'd be pregnant by now and not getting any younger.

DD also keeps asking for a baby sister which isn't helping. I'm not overly worried about the age gap as DD loves babies and she'd probably be very good around a baby and keen to help.

Good luck!xx

 

[MummaBear16]

I'm in the same situation. Dh agreed to a second over a year ago then changed his mind, bee trying to convince him otherwise ever since. We have a ds who will be 3 soon.

Got him to agree recently that we will try before end of next year but i struggle with the wait everyday. Most people I know with children same age either have second, are pregnant with second or planning it soon. I've been depressed because of it and seeing a therapist at the moment largely because of it.

It's so hard I hope the therapy is helping you with the struggle. Men think so differently to women. I hope he sticks to your agreement, I know I will be so heartbroken if my DP doesn't.

I've only really just started the therapy but hopefully will help. Glad you oh seems to be warming to the. Idea. For me it's about getting the balance between not rushing/preshuring him but wanting to talk about it

I totally understand. Just talking about it can be very touchy and unpredictable with men, but I feel like it's so important to know where things stand, otherwise it just plays over and over in your mind if there are no words spoken to really get to the bottom of it and express yourself.

 

[MummaBear16]

I can totally relate to you. DD just turned five and I've been keen to give her a sibling for a couple of years at least, but DH hasn't felt ready. We kind of talked about it last year again, and he agreed we'd try this year. So I came off bc in December and told him I just wanted a break from the hormones and to have a natural cycle as well. Also I was on cerazette and had no AF so told him I was worried it wouldn't be good to go without AF for years.
Anyway he finally agreed to try in April/May but we missed the opportunity with the first two cycles as he didn't want to BD on schedule. He's still playing hard to get on my fertile days even though he now wants another child, he would just prefer if things happened naturally and spontaneously. It's so frustrating, I really thought I'd be pregnant by now and not getting any younger.

DD also keeps asking for a baby sister which isn't helping. I'm not overly worried about the age gap as DD loves babies and she'd probably be very good around a baby and keen to help.

Good luck!xx

That's great you're not worried about the age gap I worry because like with one point I made to my DP was that if we leave it any longer it will be like completely starting again. We would have one child all grown up into an adult, with another still a child. My son will already be 7 by the time a baby would arrive if we conceive at the start of the year. I worry when I think about how, say, an 8 year old and a 15 year old would possibly get along.

Good luck with your spontaneous approach, I hope it works for you soon! Maybe you'll have to whip out the lingerie when you're fertile and pretend like everything is normal! lol

 

[MummaBear16]

So far, I am pretty sure my Dp is on board for trying next year! I'm not sure if he realises I mean straight away in the new year though! Lol he's not rolling his eyes anymore if I bring it up, and he's indulging in his hobby a bit right now because I said he can without me getting mad he's spending money, as long as he sticks to the plan he agreed to! I'm so excited! I feel like I am officially WTT, which is huge! And next year is so close already I've got my son's birthday, christmas and then Dp's birthday to keep me busy till then

 

[RoseArcana]

Great news! X