So many unknowns!?

[112110]

I have so many questions that my family cannot answer because none of them have been a single parent! Answers to however many you can would help LOADS. And I'm sure it's probably different depending on where you live soooo, I'm in Pennsylvania!

Support questions.

FOB has been throwing around that he wants to sign over all his parental rights and I have heard many people say both yes he would still have to pay and many saying no he won't. Does anyone KNOW like from experience.

He is unemployed (at his own fault) but also receives $500 a month because his Dad died when he was young, will that play into how much he has to pay? And what if he gets a job and doesn't report it?

He has been saying things like I don't have to pay shit if I don't see him, you're never going to find me anyway so why even bother you golddigging bitch. What if he were to just disappear without me knowing how to contact him?

I've had tons of people tell me about how their Dad's haven't paid any child support in 10+ years. Can they really do that without getting in trouble?!

Custody.

He is an alcoholic & he has drug addictions & he used to (not sure about now) sell marijuana. Has anger problems. This should be a good enough reason as to why I only want him to have supervised visitation....right?!
He recently was checked into Brook Lane for 30 days for his "depression" which I find to be bullshit, he coincidentally had a breakthrough that he has a problem two days before our support hearing which was good enough reason for them to drop our case until he gets out. Will they (could they) say that like oh he's trying we have to give him a chance or some shit like that and let him keep him alone.
I could not live with myself if that happened (I'm crying right now just thinking about it). He will ruin my baby's life! Would you leave your child with someone as unstable as that!? With someone you don't trust AT ALL?! That would be them messing with (possibly ending) my babyboy's life.

Wow that actually turned into more of a rant than an actual question

But I am REALLY stressing over all this like I can't even focus on anything else. I'M LOSING MY MIND

Okay crazy lady done.

 

[lal]

My lawyer told me they can "sign over rights" but it isn't really legally binding, so if you still wanted him to pay support you could make him, but also if he still wanted to see the baby he could. Your best bet is to file a motion for sole custody based on his instability (you will need some sort of proof though...). You do not want to go to a judge and tell them about him doing drugs/drinking too much/etc. without any proof, because a) they won't believe you, and b) they are likely to ask why you had sex with him if he was such a bad person. If you don't have any proof of those things, file a motion for temporary custody as soon as possible, and sue for support (through your county attorney office). How often he sees the baby now will play into visitation (if not much/at all they probably will give you supervised at least for a while). And he has to report all of his income for support, they'll check his tax records to prove it - if you know of any he isn't telling you can tell them and they should investigate. This all can take several months, so go to your Cty Atty as soon as you can!!!

 

[112110]

Well, I have told him I don't know how many times that he can come see Brayden whenever he wants. He has just chosen not to, so he hasn't seen him in over 2 months and before that it was like maybe 6 times at the most. I have his entire family to back up my story...or should we give him a drug test? I know he lost his job at Target for failing a piss test. Would that be "proof" I don't know, I know absolutely nothing about this. We don't have a lawyer to help us through it because my Mom didn't think it was necessary. As far as why I had sex with him there's clearly no proof but I did it because I was afraid to say no, how am I to "prove" that.
Sorry for the never ending questions!

 

[BeautifulD]

I have no idea hun being in the uk, it seems everything is so different
I just wanted to wish you luck and say that your baby is GORGEOUS!!!

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

I have so many questions that my family cannot answer because none of them have been a single parent! Answers to however many you can would help LOADS. And I'm sure it's probably different depending on where you live soooo, I'm in Pennsylvania!

Support questions.

FOB has been throwing around that he wants to sign over all his parental rights and I have heard many people say both yes he would still have to pay and many saying no he won't. Does anyone KNOW like from experience.

I am in Ohio, so here is my opion:
If he signs over his rights, no he will not have to pay. He has no more parental rights to the child.

He is unemployed (at his own fault) but also receives $500 a month because his Dad died when he was young, will that play into how much he has to pay? And what if he gets a job and doesn't report it?

If he gets paid under the table, they have no way to track that pay. Once he gets a job, theyll know because of his SSN. As long as hes working under the table, theres nothing you can do....unless he files taxes- then they WILL take it.

He has been saying things like I don't have to pay shit if I don't see him, you're never going to find me anyway so why even bother you golddigging bitch. What if he were to just disappear without me knowing how to contact him?

Well if you already have a CS case active, THEY will find him. You dont have to. And Visitation and CS DO NOT GO TOGETHER. Any lawyer and court will tell you this. Just because he doesnt pay doesnt mean he cant/shouldnt see the child.

I've had tons of people tell me about how their Dad's haven't paid any child support in 10+ years. Can they really do that without getting in trouble?!

they can and SHOULD get in trouble. First their license is suspended, then they garnish their wages, then they take their tax return. The only thing you have to do to initiate this is to call CSE (enforcement office, not the court) and tell them you havent been paid.

Custody.

He is an alcoholic & he has drug addictions & he used to (not sure about now) sell marijuana. Has anger problems. This should be a good enough reason as to why I only want him to have supervised visitation....right?!

not unless you can prove it is an extreme danger type situation. MOST courts in Juvenile courts dont do supervised visits. They just give a low amount of visitation.

He recently was checked into Brook Lane for 30 days for his "depression" which I find to be bullshit, he coincidentally had a breakthrough that he has a problem two days before our support hearing which was good enough reason for them to drop our case until he gets out. Will they (could they) say that like oh he's trying we have to give him a chance or some shit like that and let him keep him alone.

They will let him have the chance but KEEP RECORDS and then when he screws up- file in court again.

I could not live with myself if that happened (I'm crying right now just thinking about it). He will ruin my baby's life! Would you leave your child with someone as unstable as that!? With someone you don't trust AT ALL?! That would be them messing with (possibly ending) my babyboy's life.

Wow that actually turned into more of a rant than an actual question

But I am REALLY stressing over all this like I can't even focus on anything else. I'M LOSING MY MIND

Okay crazy lady done.

Ok so here is what you do- contact Legal Aid if you havent for more Penn laws specifically, because like i said im in OHIO. Then you file in court for him to get visitation and you custody. Then you file for child support.

 

[littlekitten8]

Im afraid things are rather different over here but this is what happens in the UK. Regardless of whether he signs over his parental rights, if he is on the BC he has to pay support. If he is in work then CSA will trace him. As for visitation and custody, here we see a solicitor and start a court case to assign contact. If you have proof that the father is a danger (which it seems in your situation he is) then they will either stop contact until they can prove they are clean, or give minimal visitation. Hope you get it all sorted.

 

[angelpkj]

I have so many questions that my family cannot answer because none of them have been a single parent! Answers to however many you can would help LOADS. And I'm sure it's probably different depending on where you live soooo, I'm in Pennsylvania!

Support questions.

FOB has been throwing around that he wants to sign over all his parental rights and I have heard many people say both yes he would still have to pay and many saying no he won't. Does anyone KNOW like from experience.

He is unemployed (at his own fault) but also receives $500 a month because his Dad died when he was young, will that play into how much he has to pay? And what if he gets a job and doesn't report it?

He has been saying things like I don't have to pay shit if I don't see him, you're never going to find me anyway so why even bother you golddigging bitch. What if he were to just disappear without me knowing how to contact him?

I've had tons of people tell me about how their Dad's haven't paid any child support in 10+ years. Can they really do that without getting in trouble?!

Custody.

He is an alcoholic & he has drug addictions & he used to (not sure about now) sell marijuana. Has anger problems. This should be a good enough reason as to why I only want him to have supervised visitation....right?!
He recently was checked into Brook Lane for 30 days for his "depression" which I find to be bullshit, he coincidentally had a breakthrough that he has a problem two days before our support hearing which was good enough reason for them to drop our case until he gets out. Will they (could they) say that like oh he's trying we have to give him a chance or some shit like that and let him keep him alone.
I could not live with myself if that happened (I'm crying right now just thinking about it). He will ruin my baby's life! Would you leave your child with someone as unstable as that!? With someone you don't trust AT ALL?! That would be them messing with (possibly ending) my babyboy's life.

Wow that actually turned into more of a rant than an actual question

But I am REALLY stressing over all this like I can't even focus on anything else. I'M LOSING MY MIND

Okay crazy lady done.

dont fall for him sayin that
i've heard the same off my FOB
sadly it seems in the uk alot more people seem to get away without paying for their kids

i totally understand your 2nd part as FOB is EXACTLY the same
i've told him straight that i do not want him being alone with baby mainly because i don't know where he will take baby and most of his friends do drugs on a weekend and i don't want my son crawling around in a enviroment like that
FOB shares a house with his friend who is a massive party person so baby isn't going to be allowed round that house because you never know what gets left lying around

if fob wants to see his son he can come round my house,as hard as that is for me have to sit and grin and bare it,it's better than lettin him have my son and me worry

 

[18singlemom2b]

i have similar concerns..ugh it's all so hard. my problem though is fob isn't a drug addict or anything, just very unstable and controlling and manipulative and bad news for my child to have in and out of her life.