so much disappointment from csection threads..makes me sad :(

[Dolphinz4]

I just recently discovered this section on bnb...so I came to check it out...I had a csection with my son more than 2 1/2 years ago.... the whole labor process was so traumatic! I was induced at 39 weeks for suspicion of preeclampsia (my hands became numb) although there was no protein in my urine, the dr wanted to be safe. I was in terrible agonizing labor for 20 hours...mind you, no woman in my maternal side of the family has ever been able to give birth naturally. .anyways, after stalling at 7cm for like 4 hours, I started getting a fever.... they sent me straight to the operating room... I remember a few hours before the fever started the dr telli g me that I was not progressing, and that he would like to perform a csection to avoid any potential complications, I said mo, I wanted to try delivering naturally.,... well, my son was born with breathing problems, and was sent to the nicu, put on a respirator, and also had an indection in his blood.... he had to stay in the nicu for 7 days....that was the worse week of my life...
I am now pregnant with baby #2, and I will not be trying for a vbac, I will have a scheduled csection.
I think that nowadays society has a way to belittle mothers any way possible....we are never good enough, whether we couldnt deliver vaginally, or whether we failed at breastfeeding, or because we are not cloth diapering, or because we vaccinate......
We are all amazing regarless of how our babies came out of us....and by no means am I trying to say that feeling like a failure or a dissapointment after having a csection is not ok....it is absolutely ok to feel sad.... but, we have to empower ourselves.... having a csection is more painful than having a vaginal birth, we put our bodies through major surgery! All for our babies.... be proud of the type of mama you are! There are some women out there that will never even get to experience neither vaginal or csection.....
Its taken me a while, but I am proud of my scar, and I am so tha kful that csections exist, because , y son would probably not be alive right now if it wasnt for it.
Anyways, this post is not meant to offend or upset anyone, like I said, you are entitled to feel sad and disappointed, but you also have the right to feel proud to have brought a himan into this world no matter how you did it!

P.s..I probably have a bunch of spelling errors bc im typing from my tablet, so forgive me lol

 

[Dinah93]

I always find this section very negative too, but personally both my c sections were very positive experiences for the simple reason that if I hadn't had them I wouldn't have either of my kids here today, and in the case of my first pregnancy I wouldn't be here either. My first one was very quick to recover from although the section itself was a bit scary due to my bp dropping 60 points in a minute. The second one was very straight forward but the recovery is slower going as I bled a lot, lot more. I wanted a vbac the second time, but when I was told I needed to deliver within hours at 29 weeks I didn't for a minute mourn the birth process I wanted, I was just so grateful that I had the option for a safe way to get my son out when he needed it. I'm not saying it's wrong to mourn not getting the birth you wanted, but my personal feeling is that at best it's a wishlist, and you might be lucky and get everything you want, but really you don't have much control over it and the important thing at the end is that you and your baby are alive and well.

 

[RcdM]

I guess I haven't read too many negative posts on here, I've found some encouraging stories actually, but then again I haven't read through posts in this section much lately. But I know what you mean in general. I am all for c-sections for the exact reasons you both described. A c-section saved my daughters life and my own life. And I am opting for an elective section this time around even though my Dr said I could do VBAC. My c-section experience was actually not bad at all. It wasn't a typical c-section, it was an emergency and I didn't get to hold my DD for several days, but as far as the actual operation goes... so much better than I expected, and I'm happy to do it again.

In my opinion, which is one sided because I do not have experience with a vaginal birth or even trying... but it really shouldn't be able HOW you have your baby. All that matters in the end is that you have your baby. That's what these last 9 months (or 6 or 7 for some of us, lol) have been growing inside you, your baby. It's not the birth experience that you hug and love, nourish and care for, the end result is a child regardless of how they were brought into the world. But I realize everyone has their own opinions. But when your child is 5, 10, 15... will it really matter how you had them? I like to think it makes no difference. Now does a vaginal birth help with breastfeeding and bonding? Maybe, probably, I don't know. But is my child alive, healthy, and happy? Yep. That's all I care about. Those first few months were hard because my DD was in the NICU for 5 weeks, and as a result it took me a while to bond with her. But I look back 2 years ago to that time and I don't wallow in regret or thoughts of how I wish things went different. Literally that never crosses my mind. Sometimes I think about what it would have been like to carry her to full term, but really I just think well God had different plans for us. Everyone is different and is entitled to their own opinion and I don't judge. But I agree, society tends to make us feel like failures if we didn't do things the way they were intended. I don't let it bother me though. I have my baby girl and that's all that matters to me!

EDIT: Okay, I just went through some of the posts, and you're right, there are a lot of disappointed mommas out there.

 

[momofone08]

I was one of those disappointed moms. My first was a breech c-section and I had had my heart set on an all natural, med free labor. Not only did I have a c-section it was scheduled, so I never even got to feel a single contraction. I fell into a very deep depression post pardum which was made worse by a comment from mil "you just were too lazy to push" and another from my aunt "mine was breech, you could have done it also." I felt like a tremendous failure. I felt like I wasn't a woman or has somehow robbed my child of something.

I attempted a VBAC with my second. I stalled at 2 and after 14 hours of being at 2 cm her heart rate drastically dropped so EMCS it was. I was surprisingly ok with it until I saw others getting successful vbacs. My third was a planned c-section.

I was very disappointed after my first and second births, but have come to terms with the fact that my babies are here healthy! Our babies are healthy and that is all that matters.

 

[SRTBaby]

I had EMCS with my first, it was traumatic, with this LO I have no interest in trying VBac, going straight to elective and no guilt attached, just excitement of seeing my LO.

 

[maisie78]

Same as pp. I had an emcs with my first. I admit to being a bit disappointed for a while but I'm fine now and also have no intention of trying vbac. Have already told mw I want an elcs this time. I just want my baby safe by whatever means x

 

[LizzieJane]

I can't believe that I am only discovering this section now!!! and my first reaction is sadness at all the sadness here but then I know exactly how bad you can feel after a cs. I was devastated after my emcs, it took so long for me to get over it. but slowly slowly, and a gorgeous little monkey to help me along the way, and I am ok now.

I am not sure that anyone can say anything to make you feel better though. both my mum and MIL had emcs's so they knew exactly how I felt and still couldn't make me feel better. I think that time is a great healer, that and talking it through with loved ones.

my labour and emcs were so traumatic that I don't remember much. I think I will be elective next time just so I can remember the birth of one of our babies! no guilt next time either!

 

[tristansmum]

I had emcs with my first and vbac with second. For me vbac was essential. However I feel proud that I've experienced both.... Most of my friends haven't had a section and that makes me special

 

[Srrme]

I was disappointed that I had to have a C-Section with my second son, but I had no choice in the matter, he was breech and premature, and it was best for him, so I accepted it (I was thrilled I had made it to 35 weeks after having my 1st at 28 weeks anyway). I've never beat myself up over it. I did go on to have a successful completely drug free VBAC with my 3rd little boy though.

 

[SillyMoo1983]

It took me a looooong time to get over my EMCS with my DD. It was a straightforward pregnancy but then 12 hours into labour she was found to be breech and her heartrate dropped. After the spinal went in the midwife couldn't find her heart beat at all. We thought we'd lost her. She came out kicking and squeaking (I say squeaking as she was tiny) though and the relief was immense. I had baby blues for a while and cried every day. DD never latched so I felt like a total failure. When the cloud lifted though I was just grateful for my healthy baby girl but felt a need to do it al over again. At the time I said I wanted to do it "properly"!! Madness.

Throughout my second pregnancy I couldn't decide between VBAC and ELCS. I was VBAC until I reached about 32 weeks and started to panic. Something just felt a bit not right. I kept feeling like I'd be one of those unlucky ones where something would go wrong. I went for an ELCS at 39 weeks. Good job really as my uterus was starting to come apart and would have ruptured after 3 contractions, according to the surgeon. Baby was bigger than my first at 5lb 14oz but still on the small side. I dread to think the outcome if he'd been bigger or if I'd gone imto labour at home. I probably wouldn't be sat here cuddling my beautiful baby boy and watching my lovely little girl rumning around. I have a lot to be thankful for.

C sections save lives. I'm so glad they exist. I still gave birth, just using a different exit! People should be proud that they have carried their babies and brought them into the world. I have no regrets that mine didn't come out of the natural exit, although it would have been nice to have a third. At the moment it wouldn't be a sensible thing to do. I have been blessed to have my two.

Oh my goodness, I've rambled on! Sorry

 

[Angelbaby_01]

I had my daughter 2 and a half years ago via elective c-section and got so much critic about. Thing is that my mum got hurt badly with me and my brother and my mil almost died because her uterus ruptured when she gave birth to hubby. Both hubby and my girl was nicu babies and needed surgeries and did I go normal I might have lost her.

Now with this pregnancy I am set on having a c-section and feel like an outcast in society. They look at me like I am a failure or something.

 

[SoBlessedMama]

Angel, it sounds like you're taking the healthiest option for you and your baby...that is what being a mom is all about.

I had a c-section with my son at 38 weeks because my blood pressure shot up, he measured very large, and he wasn't moving as much as he should have been. I have never regretted it or been disappointed...just very thankful to have a healthy baby. I am looking forward to the same in October with DS#2. : )

 

[Kalabear]

I remember being disappointed before my schedule c/s due to breech presentation. I was bummed my waters wouldn't break, rush to the hospital ( I'm aware that's not really how it happens for most haha) or even feel a contraction. Following the c/s I immediately asked for a vbac for our next even though I was no longer disappointed. Within two weeks following DS birth I looked back in absolute awe. It was so special and sweet! I loved his birth! I no longer care what kind of birth I have with our next. I would feel so lucky just to have another beautiful baby!! I also have this scar that when I see it, reminds me of my sweet boy and I carry it with me everywhere.

I understand some women feel birth disappointment and I feel awful for them. Nothing that is said will help. but I hope one day they can look back with pride! We've been awake during a surgery....that alone terrifies most!

 

[wookie130]

Here I typed out a long manifesto on this yesterday after reading the replies in this thread, only to accidently erase it. But anyway...

We mainly have web blogs, forums, and the media (i.e. The Business of Being Born) to thank for demonizing c-sections. The fact is, that there are now certain factions of people who are bowing to the alter of vaginal birth, and women are made to feel that it is the only REAL and AUTHENTIC way to deliver a baby. Complications that arise during vaginal birth are just a "variation of normal" (ummm...this is not true, as there are either normal, or ABNORMAL events that happen during birth, and abnormal events often arise when things aren't going well through the typical escape hatch), and women are made to feel that they are somehow failing their primitive Earth mother-goddess roots if their vaginas aren't involved in the whole deal.

The problem with this mentality, is it is valuing PROCESS (the mode of delivery) over OUTCOME (healthy mother and baby), when the outcome is really what matters in the end. Tell any loss mom that the process mattered, and I'll bet they'd tell you that the outcome mattered far MORE. C-sections are associated with the EEEEVVVVILLLLL hospital-model of birth, and doctors are made out to be greed-sucking butchers that violate women's rights, and perform the dreaded "cascade of interventions" on women against their will. Ummm, how many of us would REALLY feel that way if we didn't have another group of women attempting to indoctrinate pregnant women with these thoughts? Because quite frankly, what I'm hearing about (and experienced for myself) in reality does NOT align with these nightmarish hospital accounts. Sure, having a c-section may eliminate a lot of the "work" from birth, but I suppose that only really matters if you're striving toward some type of accomplishment, rather than having a healthy baby. The "trust your body" ideology is an outright lie, by the way...the NEED for life-saving procedures such as c-sections shoots that one down by proxy.

In a nutshell, what I am saying, is that either way you give birth...YOU'RE GIVING BIRTH. Neither one is a picnic, when you get down to it. When we place more value on the EXPERIENCE, nuance, ambiance, what-have-you of the birth than we do on our ultimate goal, which is healthy mother and baby, we end up with disappointed women, and to me, that is insane! When vaginal birth is treated like a spa vacay, and c-sections are made out to be a trip to the meat market, that's just nuts, really. Both come with challenges. When you deliver vaginally, you work to get your end result. You do play a more passive role during a c-section, as you relinquish control of your body to a surgical team while the delivery is happening...but the recovery is WORK, and it's hard. So, either way, it's an accomplishment.

Sigh.

 

[RcdM]

Here I typed out a long manifesto on this yesterday after reading the replies in this thread, only to accidently erase it. But anyway...

We mainly have web blogs, forums, and the media (i.e. The Business of Being Born) to thank for demonizing c-sections. The fact is, that there are now certain factions of people who are bowing to the alter of vaginal birth, and women are made to feel that it is the only REAL and AUTHENTIC way to deliver a baby. Complications that arise during vaginal birth are just a "variation of normal" (ummm...this is not true, as there are either normal, or ABNORMAL events that happen during birth, and abnormal events often arise when things aren't going well through the typical escape hatch), and women are made to feel that they are somehow failing their primitive Earth mother-goddess roots if their vaginas aren't involved in the whole deal.

The problem with this mentality, is it is valuing PROCESS (the mode of delivery) over OUTCOME (healthy mother and baby), when the outcome is really what matters in the end. Tell any loss mom that the process mattered, and I'll bet they'd tell you that the outcome mattered far MORE. C-sections are associated with the EEEEVVVVILLLLL hospital-model of birth, and doctors are made out to be greed-sucking butchers that violate women's rights, and perform the dreaded "cascade of interventions" on women against their will. Ummm, how many of us would REALLY feel that way if we didn't have another group of women attempting to indoctrinate pregnant women with these thoughts? Because quite frankly, what I'm hearing about (and experienced for myself) in reality does NOT align with these nightmarish hospital accounts. Sure, having a c-section may eliminate a lot of the "work" from birth, but I suppose that only really matters if you're striving toward some type of accomplishment, rather than having a healthy baby. The "trust your body" ideology is an outright lie, by the way...the NEED for life-saving procedures such as c-sections shoots that one down by proxy.

In a nutshell, what I am saying, is that either way you give birth...YOU'RE GIVING BIRTH. Neither one is a picnic, when you get down to it. When we place more value on the EXPERIENCE, nuance, ambiance, what-have-you of the birth than we do on our ultimate goal, which is healthy mother and baby, we end up with disappointed women, and to me, that is insane! When vaginal birth is treated like a spa vacay, and c-sections are made out to be a trip to the meat market, that's just nuts, really. Both come with challenges. When you deliver vaginally, you work to get your end result. You do play a more passive role during a c-section, as you relinquish control of your body to a surgical team while the delivery is happening...but the recovery is WORK, and it's hard. So, either way, it's an accomplishment.

Sigh.

Very well said! I thought there was an applause emoticon, but I don't see it lol. I really love the way you explained process over outcome. Everyone needs to read this!

 

[Angelbaby_01]

I totally agree! Thanks for putting it that way because I might use it in the future!

 

[Dinah93]

Brilliant post. I have to agree with the way doctors are portrayed on forums sometimes, these are people who got into a caring profession yet to read these boards sometimes you would think they did all that training just to annoy labouring women! I am beyond grateful to my obstetrician, he went above and beyond to try to keep me healthy during my pregnancy, replied to my emails at midnight on a weekend, trusted me when I told him I'd adjusted my own medication when he was on holiday, and the day I was told DS needed to come within hours he rearranged his clinics at an nhs hospital so he could do my emergency c section himself and I had a familiar face in there. My c sections mean my son and daughter survived, that's the only thing that matters to me.

 

[Angelbaby_01]

People also make as if doctors want to make money out of us, but around here there isn't much difference in cost between a vaginal birth and a c-section.

 

[LizzieJane]

Here I typed out a long manifesto on this yesterday after reading the replies in this thread, only to accidently erase it. But anyway...

We mainly have web blogs, forums, and the media (i.e. The Business of Being Born) to thank for demonizing c-sections. The fact is, that there are now certain factions of people who are bowing to the alter of vaginal birth, and women are made to feel that it is the only REAL and AUTHENTIC way to deliver a baby. Complications that arise during vaginal birth are just a "variation of normal" (ummm...this is not true, as there are either normal, or ABNORMAL events that happen during birth, and abnormal events often arise when things aren't going well through the typical escape hatch), and women are made to feel that they are somehow failing their primitive Earth mother-goddess roots if their vaginas aren't involved in the whole deal.

The problem with this mentality, is it is valuing PROCESS (the mode of delivery) over OUTCOME (healthy mother and baby), when the outcome is really what matters in the end. Tell any loss mom that the process mattered, and I'll bet they'd tell you that the outcome mattered far MORE. C-sections are associated with the EEEEVVVVILLLLL hospital-model of birth, and doctors are made out to be greed-sucking butchers that violate women's rights, and perform the dreaded "cascade of interventions" on women against their will. Ummm, how many of us would REALLY feel that way if we didn't have another group of women attempting to indoctrinate pregnant women with these thoughts? Because quite frankly, what I'm hearing about (and experienced for myself) in reality does NOT align with these nightmarish hospital accounts. Sure, having a c-section may eliminate a lot of the "work" from birth, but I suppose that only really matters if you're striving toward some type of accomplishment, rather than having a healthy baby. The "trust your body" ideology is an outright lie, by the way...the NEED for life-saving procedures such as c-sections shoots that one down by proxy.

In a nutshell, what I am saying, is that either way you give birth...YOU'RE GIVING BIRTH. Neither one is a picnic, when you get down to it. When we place more value on the EXPERIENCE, nuance, ambiance, what-have-you of the birth than we do on our ultimate goal, which is healthy mother and baby, we end up with disappointed women, and to me, that is insane! When vaginal birth is treated like a spa vacay, and c-sections are made out to be a trip to the meat market, that's just nuts, really. Both come with challenges. When you deliver vaginally, you work to get your end result. You do play a more passive role during a c-section, as you relinquish control of your body to a surgical team while the delivery is happening...but the recovery is WORK, and it's hard. So, either way, it's an accomplishment.

Sigh.

 

[wookie130]

In other news, I was just on an online VBAC "support group" nosing around, and I came across some women who referred to their vaginally delivered babies/kids as "crotch flowers."

I wish I was kidding. You can't make this stuff up.