so sad about BF...feeling like a bad mother **UPDATE, not giving up!**

[SammieGrace]

My LO had trouble latching from the beginning, so I pumped and bottle fed for a few weeks. I got so fed up with the constant pumping/bottles and not sleeping and I really wanted to BF, so gave it another shot. I had a LC come to our house twice to help me get the hang of things. LO was doing so good and we went back to regular breastfeeding full time about a week ago.

However, the last few days he has been very fussy and wanting to nurse every hour and not latching well and screaming all of the time, barely sleeping. I took him in to the Dr.'s office and the nurse said that even though he was having wet and poopy diapers and had gained weight (up to 9lbs 4 oz from 6lbs 11oz at birth), he was getting enough milk to grow but was not satisfied and STARVING! He was having too much foremilk which was making hm very gassy and uncomfortable when he did get milk. I have been trying so hard to BF him and feeding on demand and relatching him when he would pull off all the time. The idea that he was starving just about killed me! Then the nurse said that if I gave him some expressed milk he would be happier, but not to do it because he has nipple confusion and I need to see a LC and he will have to learn how to latch all over again like a newborn, and that he shouldn't have a bottle or pacifier at all. The LC I saw before said he could have the pacifier.

So of course I was beside myself and promptly went home and gave my screaming, hungry baby a bottle. He was relieved and slept for hours while I cried and cried over how bad I felt that he was hungry and I didn't know, and that BF didn't seem to be working for him no matter what I did.

Now I am back to expressing and bottle feeding. I hate pumping and am planning to only pump about 4 times per day. I never thought feeding a baby would be this hard. I feel so defeated by this and still want to BF but am afraid I will cry that my best efforts have not been enough for us to just breastfeed. It felt like such a sweet thing when I though the BF was working for us finally,I was crushed to find out that BF was what was causing his distress.I am just so dissapointed about all of this...


UPDATE:
I went on bottle feeding for a day and baby would not settle, putting him to the breast was the only thing that calmed him! I decided that if that was what he wanted, I couldn't give up. I took him to see a lactation consultant for the third time, and it was really helpful. It turns out that I have a pretty forceful letdown, and that my LO's latch is fine (stupid nurse has no idea!!). He is breaking the latch often and pulling away because the flow of milk at the first letdown is too fast for him, so pulling away is how he is coping with it so he can breathe. I also learned that what I thought was him comfort sucking was actually him trying to stimulate another let down (quivering lower lip/jaw). So it turns out that I was thinking he was comfort sucking and taking him off the breast when he was trying to get more milk! Through this process I think I have found that LO has a dairy sensitivity bc he got a tomato red rash on his butt when I gave him a small amount of milk-based formula. So, I am now not eating dairy for the next week or so to see if that makes his stomach feel better (I miss ice cream already!)...

The LC also said that she thought that he was going through a growth spurt and keep feeding him as often as he wants. He is feeding at least every hour right now and really does not want to be set down at all. We are taking him to see my in laws this weekend and I worry he will be on the boob the whole time!

Anyway, we are carrying on and I am hoping that this growth spurt will end in a few days and he will not need to eat constantly anymore...

 

[fifi-folle]

hugs

 

[Dizzymum]

Hi , it sounds to me like your Lo is trying to build up your milk supply. The more a baby feeds, the more milk your body makes.
If your baby is gaining weight well, then I don't see a problem? I also don't know how the nurse would know your Lo is getting too much fore milk?

If I were you, I would just continue to bf as much as your Lo needs to, and I would think things will settle down.

Sometimes the professionals give wrong advice about bfing, and it can be so costly to mums and babies.

Good luck hun

 

[kerrie24]

I really dont think that nurse knew what she was talking about.Fancy making you feel guilty for starving the poor child!!How she figures that out I do not know!His weight gain is brilliant,I think if you were doubting yourself shes only gone and made it worse.
I think he was just trying to up your supply by feeding more often.Obviously formula will knock him out for a while,its so heavy and hard to digest compared to bm.

I would ignore her im afraid,and carry on bf,you are doing a fabulous job!

 

[DazedConfused]

Ignore it! You're doing great, this is essential supply building behaviour. The more empty your breasts feel the more milk they'll make.

Just keep feeding!

 

[summer rain]

Not another clueless nurse telling a mum her baby is starving and the milk isn't satisfying enough despite a really good weight gain; thats the second one in a few days BFing directly is more likely to give your baby a good balance of foremilk and hindmilk, while pumping and feeding its a LOT harder, keep doing as you were doing and ignore this silly nurse xx

 

[Lettuce]

the other girls are right! You are doing great!
Jeez, for the natural option these stupid nurses and hv don't half make it complicated!
If you think your lo is getting too much fore milk you could try block feeding and see if that helps. Don't be upset, you're doing a fantastic job. Xx

 

[claire-lou]

Your doing an amazing job that is evident in his weight gain, well done mummy. I had the exact same and saw a breastfeeding councillor who explained to me that breastfeeding isn't just about the nutritional value but is also an emotional thing for baby to feel close and content do he may be getting comfort from it just go with the flow and feed for as long as and when he wants it will do amazing things for your supply. And remember you are doing amazingly

 

[Rachel_C]

Is LO's poo green? That can be a sign of getting too much foremilk, as well as excessive weight gain IIRC. If not, fussiness is just what babies do! If you do produce too much foremilk, you could just express a bit at the start of a feed to get rid of some of it, and also block feeding. It doesn't mean you have to give EBM at all

 

[Bambers]

Like Rachel C suggests...express half an ounce of milk from the boob before you start to feed - LO gets less foremilk and more hindmilk and is more satisfied.
My LO too was getting too much foremilk due to my boobs supplying too much foremilk like they were providing for an older baby. LO has the painful wind and explosive nappies too. Since I have been expressing half an ounce from one breast and I always use the same breast for at least four hours without changing to the other her nappies have improved. I have also gone down from having to feed for over an hour at a time to 30 mins which is a great improvement. She still has wind that upsets her but I put that down to the immature digestive system and that will improve in time. Also bubs has the odd day when I can't get her off the breast but they seem to coincide with "growth spurt" days and I just get settled on the couch with TV remote and a cuppa and have a boobie feeding day with lots of cuddles.

I know exactly how you feel - a failure and guilty for not sticking with the boob. But stop beating yourself up. When its 3am and your tired and feeling lonely and baby just can't settle...you feel awful. I have had quite a few tearful nights...both mine and hers. I try to see the long picture...that this will pass in a few weeks and I am not a failure...like you I would do anything for my bubs and the fact I sit up at 3am feeding her, consoling her and loving her just validates that.

Try and remember hon...this period of time will pass and you and bubs will soon have cracked a method of feeding that works for you both.

HUGE HUGS X X X X

 

[SammieGrace]

Not another clueless nurse telling a mum her baby is starving and the milk isn't satisfying enough despite a really good weight gain; thats the second one in a few days BFing directly is more likely to give your baby a good balance of foremilk and hindmilk, while pumping and feeding its a LOT harder, keep doing as you were doing and ignore this silly nurse xx

thanks for the support! I am continuing to feed and thats what I was thinking about the weight gain...I thought he was doing quite well, I mean he did start out kind of small.

the other girls are right! You are doing great!
Jeez, for the natural option these stupid nurses and hv don't half make it complicated!
If you think your lo is getting too much fore milk you could try block feeding and see if that helps. Don't be upset, you're doing a fantastic job. Xx

Thanks! He is feeding so much now that my breasts feel soft so I figure he must be getting hindmilk...

Hi , it sounds to me like your Lo is trying to build up your milk supply. The more a baby feeds, the more milk your body makes.
If your baby is gaining weight well, then I don't see a problem? I also don't know how the nurse would know your Lo is getting too much fore milk?

If I were you, I would just continue to bf as much as your Lo needs to, and I would think things will settle down.

Sometimes the professionals give wrong advice about bfing, and it can be so costly to mums and babies.

Good luck hun

I am continuing to feed on demand and I really hope that the constant feeding calls down as I am getting tired! I was really sore the first few weeks, but at least that is over now.

I really dont think that nurse knew what she was talking about.Fancy making you feel guilty for starving the poor child!!How she figures that out I do not know!His weight gain is brilliant,I think if you were doubting yourself shes only gone and made it worse.
I think he was just trying to up your supply by feeding more often.Obviously formula will knock him out for a while,its so heavy and hard to digest compared to bm.

I would ignore her im afraid,and carry on bf,you are doing a fabulous job!

I never thought about that with the formula, but I am sure you are right! I don't think I have ever felt so guilty in my whole life. I just want to do what is best for him...

Your doing an amazing job that is evident in his weight gain, well done mummy. I had the exact same and saw a breastfeeding councillor who explained to me that breastfeeding isn't just about the nutritional value but is also an emotional thing for baby to feel close and content do he may be getting comfort from it just go with the flow and feed for as long as and when he wants it will do amazing things for your supply. And remember you are doing amazingly

He does seem very comforted by the BF, so that makes me feel good. We have been co-sleeping the past few days as well, because he seems to want to be with me most all of the time, which also feels good as a mommy!

Is LO's poo green? That can be a sign of getting too much foremilk, as well as excessive weight gain IIRC. If not, fussiness is just what babies do! If you do produce too much foremilk, you could just express a bit at the start of a feed to get rid of some of it, and also block feeding. It doesn't mean you have to give EBM at all

No, his poo is always yellowish-brownish colored, which confused me about what the nurse said because I have heard that too much foremilk causes green poo, and he has never had it. I think that nurse was just off base, but at least the lactation person she suggested was helpful.

Like Rachel C suggests...express half an ounce of milk from the boob before you start to feed - LO gets less foremilk and more hindmilk and is more satisfied.
My LO too was getting too much foremilk due to my boobs supplying too much foremilk like they were providing for an older baby. LO has the painful wind and explosive nappies too. Since I have been expressing half an ounce from one breast and I always use the same breast for at least four hours without changing to the other her nappies have improved. I have also gone down from having to feed for over an hour at a time to 30 mins which is a great improvement. She still has wind that upsets her but I put that down to the immature digestive system and that will improve in time. Also bubs has the odd day when I can't get her off the breast but they seem to coincide with "growth spurt" days and I just get settled on the couch with TV remote and a cuppa and have a boobie feeding day with lots of cuddles.

I know exactly how you feel - a failure and guilty for not sticking with the boob. But stop beating yourself up. When its 3am and your tired and feeling lonely and baby just can't settle...you feel awful. I have had quite a few tearful nights...both mine and hers. I try to see the long picture...that this will pass in a few weeks and I am not a failure...like you I would do anything for my bubs and the fact I sit up at 3am feeding her, consoling her and loving her just validates that.

Try and remember hon...this period of time will pass and you and bubs will soon have cracked a method of feeding that works for you both.

HUGE HUGS X X X X

Thank you, I will definitely try the pumping if the constant feeding doesn't settle in a few days, thats a good idea!

 

[patch2006uk]

It really doesn't sound like you have a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance. Don't mess with exclusive breastfeeding for a couple of weeks, and everything should settle down. Put the pumps and bottles away, ignore the nurse (what's with the health professionals this week??) and trust your body to feed your baby!

Your LO sounds like he's doing fantastically-good weight gain, yellowy-brown nappies. As you've been expressing and supplementing, your supply will probably take a few days to catch up. Let your LO feed as often as he wants. My LO didn't latch for the first 8 days, so we expressed. It took about a week of feeding hourly for my supply to catch up to where it should have been. Just roll with it

Only mistake you can make is to stop feeding your baby. If in doubt, feed him Good luck! And sorry you were given such horrible advice

 

[claire-lou]

I'm glad you are sticking with it, well done

 

[summer rain]

good news! Glad you are sticking with it, I hate to nag about this issue yet again but consider making a complaint about the nurse at your doctor's surgery as she is giving out some serious misinformation there xx

 

[prettymachine]

i started using a nipple sheild the other day because my LO was the same way... kept unlatching and screaming... or just falling asleep... she eats so well now!! if you havent tried one, you should!

 

[kerrie24]

Im glad you are giving it another go x