So scared

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by Lol78, Aug 27, 2009.

  1. Lol78

    Lol78 Well-Known Member

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    Having spoken at length with our consultant today, it seems that our little one has no chance of survival. The kidneys and lungs will never develop enough for him/her to live. they can't tell us when it would happen, but all in all likelihood, our baby will die well before reaching term.

    We have made the most painful decision imaginable and are opting for a termination.

    There is so much going on in my head. My baby was so longed for. We tried for a year before getting that fantastic result and know just how privaleged we are to have experienced that, having made some good friends in the TTC section, some of whom are still waiting.

    I have always believed you love the child and not it's abilities and as such we were not interested in genetic screening because it's not didn't seem important, we would love and care for any child. But to be told that there is no chance of our baby even having a limited chance of survival has come as such a huge blow.

    My baby is moving inside me and I am discussing post-mortems and funerals. I am heartbroken. I feel utterly helpless. My husband is devastated and it makes me so so sad to see how this is hurting him. But we are a strong unit and we will get through this.

    I'm so scared of so many things. Of the labour, of the grief, of telling our friends, of being judged...

    Sorry for the ramblings. I just needed to put some of this into words.
     
  2. Samemka

    Samemka Mummy of 2 girlies

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    I am so so sorry you have to go through this. I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling. Sending you all our love x x x
     
  3. NickyT75

    NickyT75 RIP Sophie my angel

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    :hug: I dont know what to say babe

    I am heartbroken for you :cry:

    Nobody will judge you, you have made the hardest decision imaginable but you are sparing your baby from any pain so you are doing the kindest thing :hugs:

    I wish I knew how to make you feel better Lol :( but im at a loss for words :(

    Just know I am thinking of you and your DH at this terrible time & sending you both my love & deepest sympathies :hugs: xx
     
  4. sma1588

    sma1588 mommy 2 kaydence

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    well i havnt went through this but have know ppl who have, they were told the lungs and kidneys had problems and were giving the opp. to term. but they went through with it and suprise he was a healthy happy little boy...... how far are you along? how many doc did you see for this and how did the prove it to you
     
  5. Lol78

    Lol78 Well-Known Member

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    sma1588, I have seen the kidneys, I have seen the bladder that looks like a football. We have had 3 independent people tell us that this in not viable. I trust them, they have explained the whole thing, the reasons why, showed us the scans, etc. The baby has no fluid surrounding it. If a baby can't urinate, the amniotic fluid doesn't form. If this doesn't happen the lungs can never develop. The kidneys are tiny - due to back-pressure from the bladder. Everything is affected by it. There is fluid in the abdomen, compressing the heart, everywhere. As I say, I know you are trying to help (and we too were clutching at straws like this before), but it doesn't help to hear that we may have a healthy baby. It's a very sick baby and we have made a decision based on that. I do thank you for your optimism though.

    Nicky and Saml1, thank you.
     
  6. tootsy1987

    tootsy1987 Abbi and Alfie - My World

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    Hunny i dont know what to say other than im so so so so utterly sorry you are having to go through this... no words i can say can make you feel better but im thinking about you and sending you all the love in the world! xxxxxxxxxx
     
  7. sma1588

    sma1588 mommy 2 kaydence

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    awwwww well im so sorry thats why i had asked if you have seen it for your self the only reason i said that was because doctors dont fully look into things here and it sounds like you have very good docs that catch things. im very sorry for your pain i dont know what else to say................
     
  8. fuffyburra

    fuffyburra Hattie Flower's mummy :)

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    I don't really know what to say as nothing will make it better, but I guess I just wanted to tell you how brave I think you are. I can't believe you've made such a tough decision and I'm completely in awe of both you and your OH. Your LO has the greatest, most selfless parents imaginable, and no one could EVER judge you for this.
    I'm so sorry, I really do hope you'll be okay xx
     
  9. Kazi1976

    Kazi1976 Well-Known Member

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    Just wanted to send you a hug. You are very brave.
     
  10. Liz2

    Liz2 Well-Known Member

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    Hun I am so sorry that you are going through this right now:hugs:

    I think that you have made a very brave and selfless decision and you should in no way be judged. Who is anyone to judge anyhow?? They are not in your shoes. To make the decision for a child not to suffer is amazing.

    I am glad that you and your husband can be a strong unit together as you will need eachother more then ever. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. :hugs:
     
  11. Kiki09

    Kiki09 Mummy to a miracle

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    :hugs: I did pm you this morning too, Just want to say, dont worry about other people and what they think, anyone who has lost their baby for whatever reason will 100% understand and not judge you, as will anyone else who knows how ill your baby is, you are doing the right thing by you and your baby.. that is all that matters and one day you will meet up again, that is how i get through my dark days having gone through what you have, although a little earlier on in the pregnancy.. you are stronger than you know and have a very good relationship, so together you will get through this..

    pm me if you need me ok?

    :hugs:
     
  12. Naya69

    Naya69 Well-Known Member

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    dont dont what to say except how sorry iam for your pain sending you lots of hugs xx
     
  13. Poshie

    Poshie Mummy to Boy & Girl

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    Oh huni, I've only just seen your heartbreaking post :cry: Im so very very sorry you are going through this :hugs: for what it's worth, it sounds like you have made the only decision you could in these horrible circumstances. I can only imagine how awful it must be for you and your dh.

    Ps. If you want a chat, you know where I am Hun :hug:

    pps. I'm sorry I can't be much help but I am thinking of you at this awful time.
     
  14. lauraperrysan

    lauraperrysan Mummy of 2!! :)

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    Thinking of you at this heartbreaking time. Im so so sorry you are going through this. xxx
     
  15. BizyBee

    BizyBee Mom to Luke, Expecting #2

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    Oh hun, I am terribly sorry that you are going through this. It breaks my heart. xx :hugs:
     
  16. tansey

    tansey Finally a Mummy!

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    So sorry to read what you are gong through and that you had to make such a decision. Don't worry about what other people think - unless they have been through something similar or a scare they just won't understand like we do. You worry about looking after yourself and DH - you are both very, very brave.
    I hope you are ok :hugs:
     
  17. AngelicTouch

    AngelicTouch Well-Known Member

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    Very sorry to hear this, you are in my eyes making the best decision based on your babies welfare. I'm sending loads of prayers and baby dust your way in the hope that you will have want you want in the future x
     
  18. Sazzoire

    Sazzoire Well-Known Member

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    What an absoluetly awful situation to be in.... it is no-one else's business but yours and imo, it is the fairest thing you could do...
    my sister had to terminate her pregnancy at 20+ weeks as her baby was very poorly and would not of survived after birth... she had to go through normal labour after being induced... she has gone on to have a healthy pregnancy... no one judged her, she really had no other option... yes it was heartbreaking.. she has a photo of her baby for herself and hubby... they also have the babies name inscribed in their wedding rings...

    thinking of you xxx
     
  19. FBbaby

    FBbaby ttc our Little Prince

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    How dare anyone who would think it their right to judge a decision that they should thank God they don't have to make themselves.

    What a nightmare it must be to find yourself having to make such a devastating choice after ttc for many months. Feeling your baby move must be so heartbreaking and I can only have admiration for your bravery.

    I wish after this totally undeserved nighmare, the sun will shine again for you and you will be able to find some happiness to lessen the pain of losing your much loved baby.

    Sending you many virtual hugs but full of compassion.
     
  20. punch

    punch Well-Known Member

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    oh i'm SO sorry... so, so sorry.

    this must be incredibly painful for you.

    i don't know what to say, there's no way to make it better.

    thoughts and prayers, sweetheart. i hope you get through okay.

    S
     

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