So unbeleiveably upset ......

[Emerald-Sarah]

Hi Girls .. Not many of you you will know me on here Im more of a lurker to be honest, however I do write in the clomid club thread.

But I just had to post this morning .. My OH and I have been ttc for 5 years !! We suffered an early miscarriage two years ago but besides that we have had no luck wahtsoever. I have had every test under the sun and have been told that I have scarred tubes and one is completely blocked and I also have sever adhesions (all from a botched appendectimy when I was 20) as well as PCOS
My FS has offered us IVF which my OH is reluctant to do at at present ( Too stressful apparently) So were trying clomid Im on my 2nd cycle and yesterday I found out I was ovulating ... Yay!!

I practically jumped on my husband when I got home, but he told me he was too tired. I explained that I was ovulating and that I was really hopeful this was our month and that it would be a great Xmas present .. But he continued to say he was too tired !! I tried to explain to him that this was important and he got incredibly defensive and said
" Weve been waiting 5 years .. One more month will not make any difference"
OMG ... I slept in the spare room last night and while I was awake mulling over the whole scenario I could here him Snoring in the other room!!!
I got up early and left for work without speaking to him this morning .. and Im now sat at work devastated.
Im really hurt and upset about what he said and ....... Oh I dont know am I being to over emotional about this ?????
How can we get pregnant when he wont BD !!!!!!

Sorry for the lengh of this thread but AAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH !!!

 

[Beckic]

Oh hunni - I want to scream and stamp my feet for you - I have been where you are sooooo many times. Some girls on here have amazing OH's - but whist my OH is 99% of the time a complete sweetie he can be an utter shit when it comes to TTC and I have posted so many angry posts about him.

Having been through it a million times this is the conclusions I have come to:

1. we live with this every single day - it is constantly in our minds and we cant turn it off. so for us when we know we are ovulating we are desperate to take advantage of it cos we have been waiting for this and watching for this for weeks. Unfortunately - our men have not given it a single thought and therefore it isnt that significant to them.
2. We have put alot of effort into looking into why we arent getting pregnant (hours and hours on forums / google etc..) and so we all know that it is not as easy as our mothers and school nurses made us believe and that having sex around ovulation time is crucial - considering there is a 36 hour window. Unfortunately our men have not done any research and usually turn a deaf ear when we try to explain it them - so they are still of the belief that if they dont BD that day it doesn't really matter.
3. one month to us is 7 days of crap having our AF during which we are contending with the utter disappointment at another failed month whist also feeling like complete poo. this is followed by 7 days watching and waiting for ovulation and studying our knickers every 5 minutes for EWCM and trying to get our OH's into bed as much as possible whether or not we feel like it. then we have two weeks of hell thinking am I arent I and every day drags on like a death sentence. Unfortunately for our men it is just a month - just 28 days of normal life - so no big deal if we dont do it this month and manage it the next.

so pretty much - the old adage men are from mars women are from venus is alive and well - and esp when you are TTC.

My OH is not a talker - so me trying to talk to him about TTC is a definite no no. In these situations I have to swallow my pride - even thought I am completely mad at him and have to try to seduce him again the next night and pretend I am not upset. I can not mention that we ned to cos I am ovulating at all - as this only puts him off further. It hurts that I have to hide my feelings - but not having a baby hurts more.
You are not being over emotional honey - its just that your OH cant understand these emotions so trying to make him gets you nowhere.

treat yourself to something nice for lunch at work today, go home and act normally if you can and try to seduce him - it might not be too late - and nothing ike a bit of fun to help get rid of all that stress and hurt you are feeling.

Its miserable and crap that we have to live like this - but sometimes when OH doesnt want to and so i know we arent going to manage it this month I just have to keep telling myself - so it wasnt meant to be this month - it doesnt always help - but I have to believe there is some higher power who has a plan for me and that it will one day happen and that nothing I can do will make it any quicker. Doesnt always help - esp when I am soooo mad at DH - but you have to have hope.

Thinking of you hun and crossing everything that you get some BDin in tonight and that it works for you.

Bx xx

 

[HAYS]

aw chick im sorry, i would have been just as upset too
xxx

 

[FJL]

No, you aren't over reacting at all! This is something that he should be just as comitted to as what you are. The O news is fab and he should've DTD with you. God, I think just about all of us have done it when we haven't felt like it because you have to do it to be in with a chance!

Have a good, long chat with him and let him know just how much this affected you.

 

[Emerald-Sarah]

Thanks for all your responses girls .. it helped just to vent.

Beckic - I think you've most definately hit the nail on the head. I have emailed my DH today and we are going out for dinner tonight and a chat, however just like your DH mine doesn't like discussing the situation much either ..... so I just might get him tipsy and seduce him and hope that we haven't missed the boat. FX

Once again thank you all once again, It's nice to know your not alone sometimes.

xxx

 

[Nathyrra]

I'm sorry you've been made to feel this way

I would have been very angry too. My husband at the beginning was not really fussed with catching the ship every month if he was tired. But we've had -alot- of talks since. I don't ovulate naturally right now. So if I say I'm ovulating, he better be getting his kit off that very moment!

I also think you need to talk to him about this. He might not want to know about it all, but this is something that's upsetting you-and he should be concerned about that above all else. Sometimes guys need a little education in these things. It's not just about waiting being patient and it'll happen, that's bs. He needs to buck up and do his part. God knows you've had to deal with the stress/tests/symptom watching 24/7 for 5 years.

Perhaps he's stressing just as much as you do, and god knows what guys are thinking half the time! Not talking about it could be his way of dealing with it idk. I think a little talk could give you both an insight into eachothers feelings, and maybe find a common ground somewhere in the middle.

x

 

[JASMAK]

 

[Beckic]

How did it all go hunni?

Really hoping the seduction worked !!!

Bx x x

 

[hayz1981]

Only just read this post - havent managed to get on here much this week, but just wanted to say I totally understand how you feel, and it's horrible.

I've spoken to Beckic before about this exact same thing. They just don't understand - they may want to conceive, I know my OH really does, but he doesn't understand the small window of opportunity we have each month. The amount of times I've heard, but I'm so tired, I really can't see how one night makes a difference (this is after not having DTD for the two nights before hand, so it's not really 'one night'). It drives me crazy and I've tried seducing him, talking to him, getting annoyed with him, getting upset, and to be honest, sometimes one of those things works and sometimes it doesnt.

The worst thing is, he's always so so sorry the next day and can't apologise enough, doesn't know why he gets so tired etc. But he can't think ahead at the time and think, do you know what, I'm tired, but I'll make the effort.

Anyway, we have a new system going on at the moment (which is hardly worth anything right now seeing as I'm on cycle day 40 something and still haven't O'd - but thats something for me to worry about on another post!!). Anyway, new agreement we've made is that we BD every other night. Then once a week he's allowed to be tired or whatever on a BD night, but then we do it again the following night. One time each week only.

It sounds a bit rigid, - but for us it might just work and OH at the moment feels like it's a good compromise. I hope so, I can't handle any more rows about it. I feel like TTC is difficult enough for us right now - the one thing we have got control over is when we BD.

Anyway, just to tell you you're not alone. Hope everything went ok last night!!

xxxx

 

[Emerald-Sarah]

Hi Girls .. So me and my DH went for dinner last night and had a long talk about the whole situation and to be honest it was a real eye opener, I told him exactly how I felt and just how difficult I was finding this situation at the moment (both of my sisters are pregnant at the moment and the forced smiles are starting to slip) and that I needed his support and love. I really did try and hold myself togeather as I usually collapse into fits of tears and ramble some incoherant words and then finish with a "I'm fine" (This is obviously not getting us anywhere)
But what did really surprise me was what he told me, he explained that since we found out my sisters were pregnant he felt that I had become even more obsessed than usual (I cringed at the word obsessed !!) about getting preganant and that it felt to him that I didn't even cuddle him or show affection in bed I just whipped out the preseed and said right lets go! He went on to say that he was feeling unloved and inadequote that he couldn't give me what we both so desperately want and that he felt like he was losing the person he fell in love with.

I can assure you that the tears were mostly definately almost falling at that point I didn't realise he was feeling like this - I certainly didn't realise he was feeling inadequote as all our problems stem from me.
We settled the night agreeing that more than anything, we both want a child, but that we also want each other just as much and that until our little miracle arrives we are the most important people to each other.

All in all the night went great and we even managed to BD, so heres hoping that we get our xmas present afterall.

Thanks for all your advise and support girls, I dont know how I would have survived yesterday without you all.

 

[Beckic]

Sweetheart that is so wonderful that you got to have a real chat about it - I think going to a restaurant on neutral ground was a really good idea.
I'm so glad you got to BD too - crossing everything this is it for you. It would be lovely for you both to have a perfect xmas pressie.

Welldone you!! I will definitely be coming to you for relationship advice next time my DH drives me insane!!

Bx x

 

[Emerald-Sarah]

I can't tell you how releived i am about it all, I ve really seen him in a different light.
But Im sure he'll still behave like a shite once in a while - he is a man afterall.

I have everything crossed and im only 1dpo ... aaarrrrggghhh I feel like a child again waiting for xmas.

If you ever want to chat I like most other women on here log in to have a nosey at least 30 times a day. Not that Im addicted !!

Sarah xxx