So upset - Name drama

[DLA]

MIL has been pressuring us since we were pregnant with our son to use part of her name somehow in our baby's name. We didn't do this with our son. We names him what we wanted. Now we are having a girl and the pressure is even worse. Last night at the dinner table with the WHOLE family there for mother's day she found out we would not be using her at all in our daughter's name either. She was so angry started bitching and being really mean about the whole thing. She found out our daughter's middle name is going to be Lynn and she was like "what is THIS Lynn?? WHY??? Where did this name come from ???" Like the way she said it was in total disgust. She said "WHy can't you use Katherine instead". I said very firmly "Lynn is her middle name and it's not changing, that's what we decided on". SHe kept going on and on about how she will not be remembered. OH is trying uncomfortably (because it was in front of everyone) to say that's the name we liked etc. I finally got so upset and said "what is the big deal? it's a name!" and she said "if it's not a big deal, change it to katherine". By now I was so angry and so emotional and upset I yelled "Well I thought I we could name our own child!" This took everyone back I think because I've never gotten upset like that in front of them. She was like "well you can". and I said "clearly we can't". Then she was like "don't get upset"

Anyways that was the end of it. It was so uncomfortable and I had to hold off tears the rest of the night. It was quite the miserable ending to mother's day. When we got in the car I just burst into tears and I don't even know why. My OH told me to ignore her that she's being ridiculous. I can't even explain why I'm upset. I'm not even angry anymore because I know she is the one who is being so unreasonable.

It's something about like I feel very offended on behalf of my daughter that she's so angry and disgusted with our name. Like I feel like I shouldn't have to defend her name. idk I'm just super emotional now about it....

 

[Expecting1]

Lynn is a beautiful middle name
I hope all is better soon

 

[diggory77]

Your mother in law is being an idiot, and hopefully she's got the picture now. She's putting so much stress on you.
X

 

[Pielette]

Honestly, it sounds like you could have chosen any name and she would have found fault with it because its not hers. It's childish and petty. Having someone name their baby after you is an honour, it's not a right, end of. Going round demanding it is downright ridiculous.

However, this might be a good thing - it's really upset you I know, but maybe she (and the rest of the family) will now give you a bit more respect, because you told her to shove it in not so many words.

 

[greenlady]

Honestly, it sounds like you could have chosen any name and she would have found fault with it because its not hers. It's childish and petty. Having someone name their baby after you is an honour, it's not a right, end of. Going round demanding it is downright ridiculous.

However, this might be a good thing - it's really upset you I know, but maybe she (and the rest of the family) will now give you a bit more respect, because you told her to shove it in not so many words.

Exactly wss^

Good for you for standing up for yourself. My DH was talking to his mother on Skype the other day, he told her the name we liked and she said 'I prefer such and such, but I guess it's your baby'. I was like 'is it? Really??!' (Heavy sarcasm)

Your daughter would be proud of you for defending her!

 

[tristansmum]

I refuse to tell anyone our names as I don't want their opinions! Having a baby named after you is a honour and she doesn't sound like she deserves it!

 

[Mjane84]

Ugh, I feel so bad for you to have to put up with that, especially on Mother's Day. You definitely did the right thing though in standing up for yourself, and like PPs have said, it might end up being a good thing because she'll get off your back.

My own Mom is all "you have to pick a family name" which actually translates to "You have to pick a family name from MY side of the family". One of these days, I think I'll say, okay-I picked a family name! And then have it be my Paternal Grandmother or something

I like Lynn as well. Its such a pretty name.

 

[pandaspot]

You mil was being rude! Demanding you call YOUR child after her! It's up to you.

My mum has suggested the horribliest of names, names that make cringe. Proper welsh names...can't stand them. Mil likes weird names too really odd ones I would never use.

We haven't told anyone the name we have picked for our ds cause I can't be arsed with the backlash of, err i dont like that! why did you pick that etc etc.

 

[DLA]

Part of the reason I was so upset is because we chose Lynn actually, which was my Aunt's middle name. We lost her very early to Lymphoma and aside from my parents, she was the closest to my sister and I. So it was beyond devastating when we lost her a 2 years ago. She never got meet my son. I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after she passed.

Anyways, I couldn't even begin to explain this is the meaning behind Lynn because I really would have totally melted down.

 

[Sarahdisco]

How very rude of MIL! What is it with families and names!!!???

We had originally agreed to name our LO after OH's grandma (one died last year which was the catalyst to us TTC) - her middle name anyway.

MIL, my mum and my dad all got pissed off cause we didn't name LO after their side of the family (the grandma was OH's stepdads mum) to the point that I got so pissed off with them all pitching their names that I said no families names are being included! So, we picked first and middle names that are entirely unconnected to any of the families.

It would have been nice to name LO after one of her grandmas but I couldnt be bothered with the drama!!!

 

[MUMOF5]

Ha, sounds just like my MIL. She wanted my last daughter to have her name as a middle name and had a full on tantrum when we told her daughters name. No offence but I don't like her name , we did think about compromising and using a longer version of her name, but we decided to use my nan's name instead

If we do have another baby and its a girl then the pressure will be on again. I don't really want to use it, but we will see, depends how much she annoys me at the time

Stick to your guns, she's your baby so you should name her!

 

[JJKCB]

im lucky i never had that, almost all my family hate there names though - i know they would be honored if i named my child after some but most deceased have already been honored except my aunty Pauline (variation of paul are common in my family but not a greatly loved tradition lol)and uncle/cousin Edward (although the cousin was honoring the uncle but then he died as well)

my sons name is a combination of his 2 uncles names but no ones even noticed lol (they pay soooo much attention lol)

 

[MamaFlick]

My family has been having a bit of a fit because I'm not passing down my grandma's first name, which is the middle name that my grandma gave to my mother, who in turn gave to me. They expected me to give it as a middle name to my first born daughter. But you know what? I've never liked the name (Joy). So I'm not passing it down. They still give me a hard time sometimes but I've stuck to my guns. My daughter's name will be Elora Isis (which IMO sounds way better than Elora Joy, especially with our last name).

You MIL sounds like an idiot... no offense. If she thinks the only way she is going to be remembered is through a baby's name, then she hasn't done enough with her life.

 

[MrsPeacock13]

Wow that is totally mean. You name your baby what you want to!!

 

[Proserpina]

Having a grandchild named after you is an honor, not a right. Doesn't sound like your MIL has earned it. In fact, pouting and harassing her DIL to name her child after her pretty much only confirms that she is undeserving of such an honor. Don't give in to her. There's nothing wrong with Lynn.

 

[Proserpina]

if she thinks the only way she is going to be remembered is through a baby's name, then she hasn't done enough with her life.

This.

 

[Swanny]

How dare your MIL demand that she is somehow part of YOUR babies name!!

You and your partner name your baby whatever YOU want to and it's nothing to do with anyone else!

x

 

[Swanny]

No where near your scale but my MIL suggested Thomas or Tommy as a name for our first boy and has already said it again this time round.

I said we won't be using Thomas or Tommy cause it's not fair to have one grandfathers name and not the other and I don't want two middle names.

She stopped at that but I just don't know where people get off thinking they can have an input into your childs name.

I'm sure it won't be the last that I hear of it lol

x

 

[3xscharmer]

I love the middle name Lynn...course I'm partial because that's DDs middle name and also my MIL's middle name as well but I didn't know that until we had already picked it out! DH and I have decided that if we ever get far enough along to pick a name we're not sharing or in other words, I will not tell DH the name so he can't blab lol! I've already explained to him that I don't care if someone's best friend had a cousin who had an uncle who had a family member named that and is now in jail or a stripper! Freaking ridiculous, I swear ppl in DH's family believe that if you name a baby after someone they know who is no good then your baby is going to be bad too! Just name your baby what you want and if you decide to have another one, don't share the name until the birth certificate is signed!!

 

[pinkturtle153]

Lynn is a beautiful name, and you have a wonderful reason for wanting that name. But you shouldn't have to explain yourself to anyone. She's your daughter, and I'm sure she'd be proud of you for taking a stand like you did.