*sob* I officially HATE him

[sweetsammi]

Things are no better with Oliver'd dad at all...ive had enough, cannot take much more. He didnt bother to see him over xmas at all, it was 2weeks after. I never saw any xmas present either, though he says he bought him one, but keeps it at his...

Anyway, he still only sees Oliver when he feels like it, calls me at 11pm the night before to tell me hes coming the next day for Oliver..He doesnt turn up til lunchtime... He tells me he'll drop him back at 5 but will often call me an hour before telling me to make sure i'm home because he has to bring him back earlier. He's often late with no phone call, apology or reason..then has a go at me for 'picking faults in him'

I have tried and tried to encourage more regular contact and asked nicely for a reasonable notice when he wants to pick him up, but he just doesnt seem to get it and says im being unreasonable and i just dont want him to be part of Oli's life! He said yesterday that i should go get a fulltime job so he wouldnt have to pay as much maintenence! wtf??

So yesterday enough was enough and i basically said we arrange a regular contact once a week, same day and time or he dont bother at all and we can take it to court as it isnt fair on Oliver. So he said I have nothing on him and how dare i threaten him, hes done nothin wrong, that im being spitefull because i want to get back at him for leaving me!!! In his bloody dreams. He said he cant see him more often as he cannot afford the £12 train journey, so i should take Oliver to him!!! LMFAO. He doesnt get it does he. How is that my responsibilty? I do enough! The least he can do is pick his son up, but he cant even manage that. He also says he cant pick him up earlier than lunchtime as Oliver is such hard work he needs a lie in before hand lol. Even though im up at 5am with him every morn, never a break. I hate this man. Hes now saying hes going to put my maintenence down,to make up for the travel costs even tho he only give me £15 a week as it is. And he says im the unreasonable one. Hes said now that he only wants to see Oli once a month. Asshole. The horrid thing is Oliver calls my new partner daddy and they adore one another, Kyle is amazing with him and treats him as his own, whereas Oli screams at his real dad cus hes a stranger! He wants to adopt him once were maaried but i doubt thered be much hope. I've mentioned it to a few people and they all tell me thats awful and wrong and that Oli will grow up resenting me if i do that...im ctually tryin to do whats best for him..and how am i the bad one in all this? ive tried to encourage contact, he wont try!Therefore he bought all this on himself,if he cant be botherd to be his father he may as well give up that right. I hope Oliver doesnt grow up hating me and telling me i took him away from his dad-thats my biggest fear.But his dad doesnt want him, he bought all this on himself. Sorry long rant!!! Im sorry angry and upset, i cant understand any of this. x

 

[hypnorm]

Sounds like it is time to get the courts involved or the CSA, then he wont be able to change the payments to lower ones!
keep a record of everything he says or sends and then you will back back up and proof.
At the end of the day its his own loss, and sounds like you have a great partner now.

 

[sweetsammi]

I phoned the CSA this morning so thats all sorted. Only reason ive not gone to court is because i dont want the stress, costs and i dont want Oliver growing up thinkin im the bad one Also Kyle and I are buying a house in Essex and as ewan lives in Derby i think it unlekly he'll bother with Oli much so i didnt see much point in going to court, but now im not sure. x

 

[nikky0907]

Are you sure he won't have the court involved if you move far away? Cause if you do it without his permission it would look bad in court...Especially as you are getting the CSA involved.

 

[Carolyn]

i would somehow cover your back with the moving thing... not sure how. but someone on here will. i personally think that you're doing the best thing by moving away, i remember the things you've posted about your ex and i'm sorry but he's a waste of space. ol will have to know eventually that kyle is not his bioglogical dad though? adopting ol eventually sounds like a good idea, whne things have all settled down after you've moved. hope someone on here has some better advice than me.

 

[brownhairedmom]

Go through courts.He isn't allowed to lower your payments just cause he feels like it!

 

[Pyrrhic]

I think you need to go down the route of the courts too. I would start by sending him a recorded letter detailing what your've already told him about visiting at the same day and time each week.

This did actually make me choke on my drink though -

"He also says he cant pick him up earlier than lunchtime as Oliver is such hard work he needs a lie in before hand lol. "

I think I would have swung for him!

 

[Vickie]

Agree with the others. I think that the courts have got to get involved or he's just going to keep pulling the same crap.

 

[sweetsammi]

Are you sure he won't have the court involved if you move far away? Cause if you do it without his permission it would look bad in court...Especially as you are getting the CSA involved.

By law he cannot stop us moving anywhere in the Uk. And i was planning to inform him of my plans. He could possibly stop us if the court thought i was doing it out of spite- but that isnt the case, Kyle's family and job are in Essex therefore i have a conncection with the area through him..I have no job ect here where i live. He hasnt given me any choice but to involve the CSA as he is lowerring the maintenence.x

 

[sweetsammi]

ol will have to know eventually that kyle is not his bioglogical dad though?

Yes of course he has the right to know, and soon as he is old enough i would explain everything to him...though im petried of Ewan turning it all around and telling him i took him away from his dad etc and stopped him seeing him..The truth is if Ewan maintained a regular contact with Oli, then i wouldnt have a problem with him at all. Id be thinkin good on him, least hees tryin, but he never will. x

 

[Naya69]

i think your doing the right thing this guy is a joke sorry to say but lowering the payments due to travel cost!!! wtf so he wants his little boy to pay for his daddy to come see him????? thats terrible if i was you i would be wanting to move to australia let alone essex!! a child can not go on being let down like this he will be brought up with no confidence in people its good thing you got the CSA as now he wont have a chance to lower his payments they are very good as well. i just got a letter today saying my OH has deneyed being joshua's dad so now we have to go for DNA testing thats fine as he has got to pay the £252.58 its going to cost its his own fault he should of done one when i offered it to him 4 months ago

 

[Moulder86]

I don't really have any advice but I wanted to give you and tell Oli will know when he's older that you done the right thing, you done what was best for him. His father (like Max's) is a loser and doesn't deserve to have any contact with him if that's the attitude he's going to take. Oli doesn't need the upset of him walking in and out of his life.

I haven't been on for a lil while and remember when you were having issues with Ewan last year and I'm glad that you've actually found someone and you're happy and settled now.

xx

 

[sweetsammi]

Thankyou everyone. I got in touch with a solicitor this morning he he I do need ewan's consent to take him abroad. So i asked him for this. He said 'No way, not unless u pay me half the travel costs to come see him' My reply was ' Ok Ewan its your choice, yoouve made it now, thanks'.

He then left an anwerphone message sayin ' no, get it right its entirely YOUR choice whether u take me to court or not, but beofre u do u might wanna think about wot oliver will think of his 'mum' for doin that. He will have somethin to say when he cant come to cornwal with me when hes older to visit his grandad-il make damn sure of that'.

How dare he threaten me like that and use Oliver to get what he wants! Is he really that stupid? He hasnt given me a choice at all. How cruel is he to deny his son of a holiday just to be spiteful towards me. He doesnt even have a reason to stop me going away, so he'll look very silly. I am right in thinkin its the fathers responsibilty to make the effort to see his child right? Not my duty to bring Oli to him, surely?? What hes doing is blackmailing me. All he wants now is to poisen Oli against me sayin i stopped him from seein him, but thats not true, he bought all this on himself. I shall tel oli he was the one who couldnt make the effort to see u, the one who stopped u going to c mickey mouse and the 1 who tried to make me pay him to come see you! as basically thats what hes askin...u gimme money, il come c our son lol. Outragous. Im not tallkin ro facing him again nw til ive spoken to the solicitor face to face, i couldnt bare it. x

 

[kerry 20]

what a prick ! i bloody hate men like him. he doesnt realise he is hurtin his son in the long run .

 

[audaciousanna]

Wow this story is incredible! What a waste of space your ex sounds.
The most important thing for your little boy is stability and love. Your new partner and you both provide that for him in abundance. There is a very good reason why you are still with your current partner and why HE is living with your son, and your ex isnt. Obviously you would never do the wrong thing by your son and instincts are usually right, especially motherly instincts. So if your instincts have told you your ex isnt good enough to be a big part of you and your sons life, its because its true!
Your partner wanting to adopt your son is such a beautiful thing, i would say gesture but it seems like he actually wants to go through with it and be there to support the pair of you, not make up excuses left right and centre like your ex.
I dont think you should feel bad for one moment about allowing your partner to adopt your son, if he calls him daddy he must look up to, love, and respect him already, and that will only get stronger over time. Your son wont be old enough to be influenced by your exs fictional opinion of you for years, and by then i am betting that because of the distance he wont even be bothering his arse to visit your son at all.. perhaps the odd phone call. The man sounds like he hasnt got the balls to take on any kind of responsibility, and is just using your son to hurt you because hes spiteful. And everything he says about you is reverse psychology. Dont feel guilty for anything, just be aware that the reason you have guilty feelings is because you are a GOOD person. Your ex is using your son as a pawn in his pathetic little game, which makes him a lame excuse for a father.
Good luck :0) xxx

 

[MoonMuffin]

I know I'm not a single parent, but I just wanted to offer my advice if you don't mind. First off I'm sorry your ex is being such a jerk. Second, I was adopted, knew it since I knew what the word meant, and was fine with it. If your ex wants to see your son and be involved, let him, but only on your terms, and don't et your ex convince you any different. You have every right to take him to court, and every right to give oliver a better father. A dad is the one that raises and loves the child, not who contributed to their dna. your son's bio dad isn't being a father, and you now what? your son wont be mad at you for having your OH adopt him. You are your son's mom, he will love you no matter what! If you just explain things truthfully he will understand because kids are much more understanding then people give them credit for. Don't let you ex get to you and jerk you around. When your son is older, he will see that his bio dad is always late, or makes plans at the last min, etc. and he wont like it. It'll make him feel bad, and he'll be happy to have your OH as his father. It'll all work out! Good luck!

 

[lesleyann]

im not a single mum but my real dad sounds just like your ex..

as a baby my real dad wanted nothing to do with me to be honest and my mum had a new bf as asfar as i new when i was little he was my father when i was old enoth to understand i was told the whole truth about my real dad his name where they new he last lived and everything, since then i met my real dad once and he was a right jerk off..

i have since found some of my half brothers/sisters from my real father and we all have the same story really he never really botherd with any of us.. i dont hate my mum i grew up with my stepdad who i call dad and still do now i see my real father more as a sperm donor more than a father and i wouldnt waste my time on trying to find him again as he was really not worth it..

as long as you explain everything to you son i dont see the problem every child will make up there own mind about there mum or dad and to be honest if your ex trys to make you sound bad what is your son going to remember? the times mummy made him better when he was ill, brought him pressents? or the time daddy was once there?? if he trys to make you sound bad its more likely to make him dislike his dad


my opion and past though hun

 

[sweetsammi]

Oliver had his MMR injections weds...he had a really bad allergic reaction to it and has been really poorly. I left his dad a message telling him this and guess what? I got ab abusive message back saying he couldnt see Oliver for 6weeks as he has no money now 'ive taken every penny he has off him through the CSA' He makes me sick. He never even acknowkledged the fact Oliver was ill. He couldnt even put his bad feelings towards me behind him just for a second to ask if he was ok. How dare he. As for the money, its not my fault the law states he has to pay that much...Im seein a solicitor on feb 24th x

 

[xJG30]

What a prick! Sorry chick but he doesn't deserve Oli at all, can't believe he cares more over the money that how Oli is x

 

[audaciousanna]

Wow some men are such a waste of space! My ex lost his job and its the only thing he has talked about the last few conversations we've had, not the baby, hasnt even mentioned her. Im hoping its a sign he is moving on tbh because from what youre going through, i would hate to have to have any contact with the loser again, or for him to grow up in my daughters life.
You poor thing, i bet you're so grateful to have such a wonderful partner now supporting you
xx