sweetsammi
1st time mummy and WTT
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- Oct 2, 2007
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Ok ladies...u all know my situation with Oliver's sperm doner. Here is my letter to my solicitor..i have no idea what im gettin myself into or what im doing. i jst know i cant go on like this anymore..can u please tell me what u think? Sorry its v long! Thank you all my luvs
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am hoping you might be able to help me to gain some legal advice with regards to my my ex partner and our 9 month old son, Oliver.
My ex partner and legal father of our child seperated in June of this year. Ever since he has had contact with Oliver. I have never denied him contact without good reason, and have therefore always encouraged him to maintain a healthy relationship with Oliver. He is paying maintainence for Oliver- £80 per month as we agreed between us. We also agreed he would aim to take Oliver once a week for a day, although if he wanted to, I do not have a problem with him seeing him more often.
However, Oliver's father doesn't always see our son every week. Infact sometimes he will go as long as three weeks before spending time with him. When he does arrange to collect him, he notifies me of this at very short notice there-fore I feel I am unable to make any arrangements. He will usually inform me that he will come for Oliver at 12pm midday, which I feel is innapropriate as this is when Oliver has his lunch therefore disrupts his routine. I also feel this is unfair because Oliver doesn't see alot of his father and I'd like for Oliver to be able to spend the whole day with him-not half. And again, I am unable to make any arrangements which is very difficult when I have job interviews scheduled. More often than not, despite Oliver's dad stating he will be over at 12, he is commonly late, sometimes without a phone call, reason or apology. On one occasion he was so late I had waited in allday for him to arrive and kept Oliver awake for him. By the time he arrived I had to refuse to allow him to take Oliver because it was his bedtime. I have spoken to him on several occasions asking him politly if he could please allow more notice when he plans to come for our son and would he also aim for a more appropriate time. He states he would be unable to arrive earlier as he has to get the train from Derby into Leicester. I feel this excuse is an invalid one because he lives within ten minutes of the train station and still does not excuse his lateness every time. He also tells me he is unable to inform me with more notice of when he is coming to collect Oliver because he works shifts- however he knows four weeks in advance when his shifts will be. I feel I have been reasonable and understanding of his situation. I have let his lateness pass on several occasions but now feel he is being unreasonable.
The other issues here are that Oliver's father will state a time he will be returning Oliver home to me, however he will call me earlier and inform me he needs to bring him home earlier than arranged due to his mother forgetting she has plans that evening. I do not feel this fair or appropriate as I have to drop whatever I am doing and rush home- very innappropriate if I am in an interview.
On at least one occasion that I am aware of, Oliver's father has refused to use a car seat when travelling with our son. There-fore I refused contact until he obtained one. All he had to say to that was that I was being awkward. Due to all these reasons, his father is a stranger to Oliver and regularly comes home out of routine and very distressed. Due to the car seat incident, the fact that Oliver is distressed and that his dad has said on several occasions that he cannot cope with caring for Oliver and has even been known to raise his voice at him, I feel great concern for my son's health and safety and also emotional well being when he is with his father. It is not unusual for my ex partner to call myself or even my mother when he has Oliver, asking why he is crying and what he should do about it.
Oliver requires routine and stability and needs to be safe. I feel this is not what he is getting at the moment from his father. Each time he comes for Oliver we argue because of at least one of the above reasons mentioned above- this is not appropriate around Oliver, he finds it distressing and it is unhealthy for my mental well being and is exhausting me and making me unwell. I have tried to reason with him and put my points accross aswell as see things from his perspective. However I feel he is not thinking of Oliver's well being and needs here. He claims I am trying to pick a fight and I am being unreasonable, awkward that he is doing nothing wrong. That I should find something more constructive to do with my time. Because I feel he does not spend enough time with Oliver he has stated that he should not have to travel to Leicester all the time and feels I should at times bring our son to him. He has stated via text message that I complain he doesn't see Oliver enough, but it's ok because he has a whole life time to see him and he didn't see his own father for 2years so that makes it okay.
The final issue that bothers me is that Oliver's dad lives in Derby in NHS accomadation that his employer provides. It comprises of a single room and shared toilet, shower and kitchen. This means that he is unable to offer anywhere for Oliver to stay. He comes to Leicester and if his mother is not working, she will offer for Oliver and his dad to stay at her home (also in Leicester) for the few hours he is with Oliver. Somtimes however this isn't appropriate because she is working or becuase her husband isn't happy with the arrangements (he wasnt't happy about our pregnancy) it means my ex will have know-where to take Oliver there-fore wonders around the streets with him in town. I do not feel this appropriate when the winter months are coming.
All I ask is that Oliver's father agrees on an appropriate time to come see our son and bring him home and to stick by it. And to give me the appropriate notice of when he plans to collect him. Also to take him on the conditions that he is safely restrained in a car seat when in the car. I would sooner his dad collect him on the same day each week/fortnight, whatever suits but I understand this will be unlikely due to his work comittments so do not expect that from him.
All I want is what is best for our son, as he is what matters here. I feel I have done all I can, but I am struggling to communicate with my ex partner now, I feel things have gotten out of hand and the situation has gotten out my hands, I really require some advice. I just want my son son to have a happy, healthy relationship with his father if that is what they would also like. I do not want Oliver getting hurt along the way. Please do not feel that I am trying to stop access- I feel his father has a right to see Oliver, I respect that and do not wish for it to come down to that, unless necessary.
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am hoping you might be able to help me to gain some legal advice with regards to my my ex partner and our 9 month old son, Oliver.
My ex partner and legal father of our child seperated in June of this year. Ever since he has had contact with Oliver. I have never denied him contact without good reason, and have therefore always encouraged him to maintain a healthy relationship with Oliver. He is paying maintainence for Oliver- £80 per month as we agreed between us. We also agreed he would aim to take Oliver once a week for a day, although if he wanted to, I do not have a problem with him seeing him more often.
However, Oliver's father doesn't always see our son every week. Infact sometimes he will go as long as three weeks before spending time with him. When he does arrange to collect him, he notifies me of this at very short notice there-fore I feel I am unable to make any arrangements. He will usually inform me that he will come for Oliver at 12pm midday, which I feel is innapropriate as this is when Oliver has his lunch therefore disrupts his routine. I also feel this is unfair because Oliver doesn't see alot of his father and I'd like for Oliver to be able to spend the whole day with him-not half. And again, I am unable to make any arrangements which is very difficult when I have job interviews scheduled. More often than not, despite Oliver's dad stating he will be over at 12, he is commonly late, sometimes without a phone call, reason or apology. On one occasion he was so late I had waited in allday for him to arrive and kept Oliver awake for him. By the time he arrived I had to refuse to allow him to take Oliver because it was his bedtime. I have spoken to him on several occasions asking him politly if he could please allow more notice when he plans to come for our son and would he also aim for a more appropriate time. He states he would be unable to arrive earlier as he has to get the train from Derby into Leicester. I feel this excuse is an invalid one because he lives within ten minutes of the train station and still does not excuse his lateness every time. He also tells me he is unable to inform me with more notice of when he is coming to collect Oliver because he works shifts- however he knows four weeks in advance when his shifts will be. I feel I have been reasonable and understanding of his situation. I have let his lateness pass on several occasions but now feel he is being unreasonable.
The other issues here are that Oliver's father will state a time he will be returning Oliver home to me, however he will call me earlier and inform me he needs to bring him home earlier than arranged due to his mother forgetting she has plans that evening. I do not feel this fair or appropriate as I have to drop whatever I am doing and rush home- very innappropriate if I am in an interview.
On at least one occasion that I am aware of, Oliver's father has refused to use a car seat when travelling with our son. There-fore I refused contact until he obtained one. All he had to say to that was that I was being awkward. Due to all these reasons, his father is a stranger to Oliver and regularly comes home out of routine and very distressed. Due to the car seat incident, the fact that Oliver is distressed and that his dad has said on several occasions that he cannot cope with caring for Oliver and has even been known to raise his voice at him, I feel great concern for my son's health and safety and also emotional well being when he is with his father. It is not unusual for my ex partner to call myself or even my mother when he has Oliver, asking why he is crying and what he should do about it.
Oliver requires routine and stability and needs to be safe. I feel this is not what he is getting at the moment from his father. Each time he comes for Oliver we argue because of at least one of the above reasons mentioned above- this is not appropriate around Oliver, he finds it distressing and it is unhealthy for my mental well being and is exhausting me and making me unwell. I have tried to reason with him and put my points accross aswell as see things from his perspective. However I feel he is not thinking of Oliver's well being and needs here. He claims I am trying to pick a fight and I am being unreasonable, awkward that he is doing nothing wrong. That I should find something more constructive to do with my time. Because I feel he does not spend enough time with Oliver he has stated that he should not have to travel to Leicester all the time and feels I should at times bring our son to him. He has stated via text message that I complain he doesn't see Oliver enough, but it's ok because he has a whole life time to see him and he didn't see his own father for 2years so that makes it okay.
The final issue that bothers me is that Oliver's dad lives in Derby in NHS accomadation that his employer provides. It comprises of a single room and shared toilet, shower and kitchen. This means that he is unable to offer anywhere for Oliver to stay. He comes to Leicester and if his mother is not working, she will offer for Oliver and his dad to stay at her home (also in Leicester) for the few hours he is with Oliver. Somtimes however this isn't appropriate because she is working or becuase her husband isn't happy with the arrangements (he wasnt't happy about our pregnancy) it means my ex will have know-where to take Oliver there-fore wonders around the streets with him in town. I do not feel this appropriate when the winter months are coming.
All I ask is that Oliver's father agrees on an appropriate time to come see our son and bring him home and to stick by it. And to give me the appropriate notice of when he plans to collect him. Also to take him on the conditions that he is safely restrained in a car seat when in the car. I would sooner his dad collect him on the same day each week/fortnight, whatever suits but I understand this will be unlikely due to his work comittments so do not expect that from him.
All I want is what is best for our son, as he is what matters here. I feel I have done all I can, but I am struggling to communicate with my ex partner now, I feel things have gotten out of hand and the situation has gotten out my hands, I really require some advice. I just want my son son to have a happy, healthy relationship with his father if that is what they would also like. I do not want Oliver getting hurt along the way. Please do not feel that I am trying to stop access- I feel his father has a right to see Oliver, I respect that and do not wish for it to come down to that, unless necessary.
xx
