Some useful advice for coping with BFNs

[JK80]

This week marks our 1 year anniversary of TTC as well as the due date of a missed miscarriage I had back in August so let's just say I was not so thrilled when I got yet another BFN this morning, along with some very AF-like spotting. I was so hoping this would be our month!

I can be a bit of a control freak, so TTC and all the lack of control that goes along with it has been a struggle for me.
I chart like a maniac, try to time everything perfectly every month and have learned all the information that is out there so its so hard not to take it personally when I get those BFNs. It really feels like failure.

I was discussing all this with my sister the other day and she gave me some really useful "advice" that I thought I'd pass along since I haven't seen it out there on these forums that much. She said...

"Pregnancy is not something you do, its something that happens to you"

I thought it was such a good "motto" for TTC, because really getting pregnant is not an achievement or an accomplishment or something you do or can control. Besides for having sex during the fertile window (or getting treated for any known fertility problems), the rest is completely out of your hands.

So, while I was still sad to get that BFN today, I will no longer feel ashamed or faulty or like a failure for it, not even a tiny bit.
And I hope none of you ever feel that way either.

Fingers crossed that it happens to all of us soon,
JK

 

[Mom2sam]

So true! i guess we do get caught up in are we doing it right or are we doing somethng wrong, when infact before internet ppl would just dtd & voila if it happened great if not kp trying & enjoying eachother & obv population kept growing lol. i think we do sometimes try too hard & make it a mission wen infact it'l happen wen its supposed to happen i do beleive God grants u children wen he wants & the more i reasearch into conception etc & hw the reproductive system works it amazes me that everything has to be so precise & we can do all we want if its not going to happen it wont & if it is dtd just once could mke it happen without u even trying. That being said i think after 2 years of trying with my first is wen i decided to get help & took anothr 2 yrs of waiting around & being tested etc in end was given clomid & conceived as ovulation levels wer low so needed that lil bit of assistance & conceived aftr 5 yrs & had a healthy boy he is nw 7. But second time gt bfp after 1 cycle but mc. So for me the long wait resulted in a better result & initial quick bfp in a loss.. Anyway sorry for ramble wishing u all the best & will happen wen timing is right good luck hun x

 

[clucas1988]

That's a lovely thing you wrote, I do take it personally as well. Irregular cycles upset me too! Thanks for the post x

 

[celestek89]

This definitely made me feel better this morning, thank you