Soo mad at OH

[klsltsp]

So just wondering if I am overreacting...

This is my 6th pregnancy, 3rd baby (all 3 lost were 1st tri). Anyways one of my OH's colleagues just lost a baby in the 3rd tri. So I was already a little nervous/anxious but everytime I mention ANYTHING to my OH he discounts it, like I'm making stuff up.

So this week I haven't been feeling well (which his response was "it's always something isn't it", when I told him this on Tuesday). On Tuesday my bp was up most of the day, it finally came down, Wed there was a lot less movement than normal, still more than enough but noticeably less. Then on Thurs I was getting menstrual cramps all day 3-4 per hour... she was moving better than Wed. So today the cramping is for the most part gone, and she's moving about the same as yesterday. I decided to just call the EPU and ask how many movements they would be looking for etc., and about the cramping (since I am not allowed to labour AT ALL due to risk of rupture). Anyways the nurse was fantastic and gave me all of the guidelines. I made the mistake of telling my OH (on email) that I had called and what she said. I thought it was reassuring... he called me all mad saying "you know what's happened here" and "you should know by now, this is your 3rd pregnancy"... I hung up in tears.. does he not realize that I worry about missing something? and that all pregnancies are different...

Sorry for the rant.. just wish that I could count on him for support... all this does is make me feel like he would blame me if anything god forbid did happen... since apparently "I should know better"...n

 

[lewood88]

My OH can be a little inconciderate he thinks the same as ur OH as this is my 4 the pregnancy ( 1 was an early loss) I should know what's happening so why talk about it, but when I tell him this feels so different from dd1 and dd2 she just rolls his eyes at me so now I don't tell him much anymore I got my growth scan next Wednesday I asked him if he would like to come and he said no but tbf I'd like it is he was there as he didn't come to my 20 week scan

 

[klsltsp]

lewood.. sorry that you seem to be in a similar position to me... sigh.. hopefully he comes to your growth scan with you. Mine didn't come to my last growth scan.. although he did go to the 20 week... I have anther growth scan this week.. I guess we'll see... Good luck!!

it kills me... can I do most of these things by myself.. sure.. I just don't want to... but I can't control that soo...

 

[o0oCharlieo0o]

Omg Hun no you are not over reacting that's so inconsiderate we suffered 3 losses before this baby all first tri losses too, and I'm terrified every day so I know how you feel. But thankfully for me my OH is worried too although he tries not to show it and he is very helpful and considerate, sometimes yes he says the wrong things that make me feel like he's saying I'm over reacting but he's not he's just not good with how he words things lol, after losing babies I completely understand the fears you go through, everyday I panic until iv felt baby move, I won't feel safe until baby is born and safely in my arms and no doubt you feel the same, big hugs Hun xx

 

[klsltsp]

thanks charlie... sorry for your losses, our 3 were all right before this one too... my OH just doesn't deal with stress... so he's been pretending that everything is normal with this pregnancy... thank goodness it's been uneventful..knock on wood... my uterus rupturing is a very realistic fear and he only just "heard" me before my last apt... good thing my family is supportive... I just wish he was you know.. I just feel more like a burden than anything... sigh...

Okay I'll stop now, he's not going to change who he is.. and he's not all bad!! lol I just wish that sometimes he'd put his arm around me and tell me that it will all be okay and that we'll get through this together.. ya know... but that's just not him...

 

[o0oCharlieo0o]

I think it's more a case with some men they don't want to think about it or hear about it because it then becomes all too real and he doesn't want to crack maybe? My OH won't talk about our losses, he is one of them men that bottles it all up because he sees crying as a weakness and it's very hard to try and go through it all with a partner who refuses to talk about it, but men deal with things very differently to us don't they, they really don't think before they speak either do they, sometimes best we try shrug it off, vent here and then go back and be fine with your OH that's the best way lol

 

[SweetV]

Agreed! DH does not want to talk about previous losses and refuses to connect with this pregnancy. When I went for monitoring twice for reduced movements he told me that I need to deal with my anxiety more productively. HELLO?! It is just the way he is but I totally get what you are saying. I would love a partner to shoulder some of the stress of a high risk pregnancy with but I have you lovely ladies! It's not that he is unsupportive he just deals with it in his own way which totally contradicts mine.

I hope you're feeling better Kim!!

 

[StarAngel]

Aw man thats very insensitive. Of course you are going to worry and of course you are going to need reassurance that your lo is ok. Could you talk to him and say that rather than react like that that you need his support? It could be a case that he gets defensive or insensitive around the topic because he himself gets anxious about the pregnancy, still no reason to make you feel bad but men do get hit with these things as well and handle em completely different than us women. Have a chat with him and see where he stands. Meanwhile, take a breath of fresh air your LO is perfect and take comfort in the fact its normal to feel anxious time to time.

 

[klsltsp]

Thanks so much ladies... you are right I know that men deal with things differently... he is such a worrier about everything that I often don't tell him how I am feeling because I know that it will really stress him out.. we for the most part really balance each other out... except when I need to be the worrier... I just feel like I can't be... that's okay at least I have you ladies

Good news is I have an ob apt on Wednesday and an u/s so not too long to wait now.

Thanks again ladies.

Kim

 

[Nerdy]

My ex was much the same. When I was still grieving our loss two weeks after the fact he told me, and I quote "Get off the cross, we need the wood.". Needless to say I feel like a fool staying with him for nearly 4 years after the fact before finally hitting the road. My current husband is no stranger to loss. He lost his first with his wife at 28 weeks due to anecephally and absolutely acknowledges that every pregnancy is 100% different. With my son, he was the first to suggest running up to the ER for reduced movement, cramping, severe braxton hicks, I even sneezed one time at work and leaked a bit and he was on it to bring me up there thinking my water had broken. All men are different. All men process different. Hopefully yours comes around and realizes that taking the proverbial bull by the horns isn't always a bad thing.