Sorry - just need to share...

[Schmelly]

First of all...the chances are, those of you reading my thread are also going through your own heartache, so my deepest condolences to you all.

I just need to share my story because I feel like my heart is breaking. Sorry it might be a long post...please feel free not to read...I just need to get it out of my head.

DH and I have been ttc since aug 07. Feels like a lifetime. Had a mc last feb at 5+3 which was very very difficult, but I dealt with it and got myself back on my feet. Then spent nearly a year getting nothing but bfn's. Finally, on Jan 5th we got our long awaited bfp and it felt different this time. I was spotting, but had an early scan and saw my little peanut's heart beating away. We were, obviously, elated.

But the spotting got worse, and had been cramping some, so paid for a private scan yesterday as my gp wasn't interested and just sent me away last week. Should have been 10 +3 according to the consultant, but there was no heartbeat. The size of the 'baby' indicated that it died between 8 and 9 weeks.

So now I'm just waiting for the mc to happen. He showed me the screen during the scan, and the pictures, but I wish I hadn't seen. Knowing there's a little thing inside me with arms and legs...a thing that should have been my precious baby...is tearing me up. I want the bleed to start so that I can get it over with, but I'm terrified of seeing it...and I feel dreadful that I'll have to flush my little bean down the toilet. They said I might need a d&c but I'd rather not have to go through that.

I just feel empty and desolate. I will be 32 in a couple of months and wish we had started ttc sooner.

I can't stop crying.

 

[lola]

never ever be sorry, you have every right to feel however you need to. I'm just so sorry for your sad news, its so very unfair for you

 

[Farie]

thinking of you honey and sending so many cyber hugs

 

[Rumpskin]

So sorry my darling,

Having been through 2 myself, I know exactly how you feel. Just over 6 wks, I saw my LO with his/her little heart beating like the clappers. Then 2 weeks later, he/she had died.

It took me a longer time to get where I am after the 2nd one but you do get stronger.

xx

 

[Schmelly]

Thank you girls

 

[charveyron]

I'm so sorry for your loss x

 

[Belle30]

I'm so very sorry xx I've just had my first mc and my heart goes out to anyone who has suffered this awful thing more than once xx

 

[HAYS]

oh hun im so very sorry, i dont no what to say, apart from I'm thinking of you and dh, and if you need to chat you know where I am

 

[Lazy Leo]

So so sorry for you and your OH. I hope the bleeding starts soon and you can begin to grieve properly

 

[Schmelly]

Thank you all

 

[becky77]

so sorry for your loss, it is an awful thing to go through and my heart goes out to you.sending big hugs
xxxx

 

[toby2]

schmelly am so sorry you are going through this- i have had two recent m/c and the 2nd time i choose to have a d/c cause i couldnt bare the thought of sitting at home and it happening like it did the first, it isnt for everyone but it really helped me.
I hope things happen quickly for you so you can start your healing-such a sad thing

 

[Schmelly]

Thanks toby2. Just got a bit scared listening to the risks of D&C. If it went perfectly then I'd def go for one, but if things went wrong I couldn't bare to think that it'd delay or damage my ttc chances.

Glad that it helped you, and thanks for posting

 

[becky77]

Hi again just wanted to say i had an erpc and it was , quick , virtually painless and i had no complications and only 5 days of bleeding after, it was the much better option for me as i thought i had had a complete m/c , but after 3weeks of bleeding and other stuff i had not lost anything,with the erpc i new it was all gone and i felt i could move on.
good luck .

 

[Schmelly]

Thanks Becky...I think I'll give it til next week and see how it goes, but maybe I'll consider it.

 

[LeaArr]

I am so sorry for your loss hun. Please don't feel you need to apologize for how you feel. We are all here to support each other.

 

[Sambatiki]

Schmelly Im so sorry!!

I havent really spoken to you before but seen how lovely you are to others. Although I MC myself I cant imagine what your feeling right now.

Thinking of you and OH xxx

 

[Rebaby]

I know there is nothing i can do or say to help you feel better right now but i am so sorry for your loss

 

[thingy]

sorry for your loss. Its so hard to get through

 

[ZoeBunny]

I'm so sorry honey... wrote in your journal, but just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you