Hi hun,
I personally think it depends where on the spectrum your child is and also the age of the child. There was a real range amongst the children my son started nursery with, some went straight to special schools, both of moderate and severe learning impairment, others to mainstream with support.
In my experience with my 15 year old son, his early days were at a speech and language nursery which we combined with the attached mainstream nursery with support that took us to age 5. He then went to a very small mainstream school that had a unit, which was basically a total special needs class that was part of the primary school but had the full support of specially trained staff and everything the children needed. We then moved borough's and he started at a moderate special needs school with and asd unit where he has been to date.
My friend's son is high functioning asperger and just managed through up to secondary although struggled with the noise of the classroom but secondary mainstream was an absolute no no. The big difference was the social setting, it suddenly changes and the gap seems to widen exposing their vulnerability and abilities. He is now at special school for asperger kids, who are all high functioning, doing exams and focusing on social skills which is what is missing at mainstream level. It is out of borough and is being funded by borough at a huge cost.
My advice to you would be to take a deep breath, I remember the early days very well, and what you have just described is a tough time. Go and have a look at a couple of special schools in your area see what you think, likewise with any mainstream schools. In the mainstream, ask them how they include asd pupils, what level of asd training and knowledge they have.
If mainstream is suggested, without a doubt ensure the person who supports your child has had a degree of training specifically regarding asd.
Please feel free to ask if there is anything else I can help with. x
