Starting college, help on FOB and seeing LO

[Laura--x]

At the moment, FOB has maisie 3 days a week, tuesday thursday and sundays.

Im starting college in september, which is 3 days a week ( monday tuesday wednesday ) i have 1 day college placement on the monday ( with an onsite nursery which maisie will be going too ) then im working in a nursery the other 2 days, and ive decide to put maisie into a nursery for these 2 days.

Now i dont know if im being selfish, but i wantto keep maisie at home thursday and friday, because obviously i wont get to see her much on the 3 days while im at college so id want to make the most of the other 3 days i have with her. So ive been thinking im going to tell FOB that he can only have her on sundays, or offer him to pick her up saturday evening and have her overnight if he wants ( ive asked him this many times before and hes always chose going out over having her, so i dont even know if i should actually offer or not?)

Am i being unfair in only letting him have her on a sunday? Should he get to have her friday still even though iwantto keep her with me? He works during the week i think its 7am-3.30pm, so i could maybe say to him he can pick her up from nursery on a tuesday afternoon and have her for a couple of hours then ?

Am i being unfair anyway here? i just want to make sure before i say anything to him xx

 

[sophxx]

if he already has her tuesday and thats working fine why doesnt he still have her and not put her in nursery that day? as for friday your prob best discussing that with him as im sure he wants to see her just like you do hope ou sort it out x

 

[Laura--x]

He works during the week now untill 3.30pm, if he did have her hed have to pick her up before i left for college ( he lives in the complete opposite direction to my college and i have to get the bus so i wont drop her off at his! ) which he wouldnt do even if he wasnt at work.

so do you think its me being selfish if i keep her here friday ? i just dread to think that ill only be able to see my baby two full days a week, by the time i pick her up from nursery and get home itll be 4/half 4 and shes having a bath and in bed by half 6/7

 

[gemabee]

can he not have her over night on a tuesday?
what days is it he would have her exactly.
obviously u don't want to lose out on anytime with ur lo which is understandable but doin it in a way thats equal for everyone means no backlash!
xx

 

[Laura--x]

he could if he took her to nursery before he went to work on the wednesday...

so when i start college he'll be seeing her tuesday after nursery for 3 hours, then all day sunday. Id offer him to have her saturday over night if he wanted, but like i said ive asked him before and he said no because he prefers to go out !

xx

 

[sophxx]

are you on good terms?

maybe the best thing to do is sit down and talk it through together if you can maybe one week he could have her the friday then the next not? x

 

[gemabee]

yeh i'd say sit down together nd talk bout it... if i'm COMPLETELY honest... i don't think the new arrangement is really fair on him (don't shoot me :S - jus my opinion).
like i said before... if u don't keep things amicable he could take u to court nd probably get more access.
trust me on this... 2 of my friends split up before their baby was born... he got a lot of access then she told him he couldn't see lo as much... he took her to court... he now gets lo 3 nights a week nd every other sunday.
i'm really good friends with both of them so can see each side... nd it wasn't fair when she cut his access times (she was startin college too) when he had done his best to be a good dad.
xx

 

[Laura--x]

No we're not really on good terms, hes a complete dickhead tbh. I only speak to his mum really. Don't get me wrong, when he wants to be hes a really good dad, but its never all the time. Sometimes he just wont turn up because he cba to get out of bed, him and his mum have lied to me before about him being ill because he didnt com and pick her up and i fond out later in the day that he had been out all night and thats the reason he didnt come. Hes been working and refusing to give me money ( gives me odd £10 here and there ) and just generally takes the piss.

I do understand what your saying though and actually agree with you. Ill just have to try and speak to him and see what arrangements we can both come too. Thanks xx

 

[gemabee]

if he's not actually bein a good dad to ur lo (i obv got the wrong initial impression)... then my advice would be to go through the courts... they only gave my friend a lot of access as he was a regular, reliable figure in his lo's life... as well as regularly payin (a lot more than he had to) for him.
that way atleast u will get financial help off him... the courts will not give him a lot of access if he is not a reliable dad.
hopefully u will be able to get it sorted hun xx