Step Mom Has My Daughter Call Her Mommy

[Chiochick]

My daughter's father and I were never married.
To put it blatantly, it was a fling.
He's been married to another woman since my daughter was 6 months old and now she's 5 years.
I have zero resentment as far as that is concerned.
My issue here is that I feel like this woman is overstepping her boundaries.
She has my daughter refer to her as mommy.
She broadcasts whenever she can about how my daughter is one of her children.
Her father takes a backseat and step mom pretty well handles most everything.
She takes visitation time often when I've found out my daughter's father was not even home.
They speak terribly of me. They threaten to take me to court to get full custody. They have been a source of so much resentment when I just want to raise my daughter.
I have never denied visitation. I have taken care of my daughter completely by myself for 5 years other than the visitation here and there.
I am livid about this woman blatantly owning the title of my daughters mommy.
She may have married my daughter's father but she did not birth my daughter or raise her.
I have been more than civil and I have not outwardly voiced these feelings to anyone but my SO.
But I am fuming.
My SO doesn't have her call him daddy and I have never ever even tried to force it.
I never called my step parents mom or dad naturally or by being told to.
And I don't feel like this is naturally coming from her. I feel like she is coached.
She has said things like "(name) is my other mom." like she was told this.
And talking to her dad would get me no where as they don't much care what I have to think.
I feel like I'm going to be told that I'm being selfish and that "more love is better" or that I'm overreacting.
But my heart hurts so much because I've busted my ass as a single mom with no help and she can just waltz into that role.
Anyone else have any experience or advice?
As of right now, I'm brushing it off while seething inside.
For the record, I have not said anything to my daughter about it or tried to discourage any relationships.
I just want the respect I feel I deserve.
*rant over.. for now*

 

[Eleanor ace]

Oh no no no, that would boil my blood.
Yes, more love is good, but her relationship with your DD doesn't have to step on your toes. If your DD initiated calling her step mother mummy and the step mother wanted to embrace that so that your DD knew she was loved AND they spoke to you about it and made sure you understand the reasons they wanted to go with it then that would be different. Still hurtful to hear your child call another woman mummy, but still, easier to accept (perhaps) as it would come from a good place.

It's a really tough situation as you obviously don't want to rock the boat if you're otherwise happy (or happy enough) with how things are with her dad and stepmum and risk things going downhill with them. I wish I had some good advice! Have you been on the single parent forum on here? Hopefully others on there will have some experience with similar situations and be able to offer advice

 

[Mannie89]

I am a step mom and honestly... I would NEVER make my step kids call me mom. I just find it so wrong if the mom is in the picture or unless everyone is in agreement.

Actually, just last night my step daughter asked me if I am her mom too. I told her "I am your step mom and (name) is your mommy!" Then we got into why my son(bio) calls me "momma" but she doesn't... I just explained to her that her own mommy would probably be really sad and hurt if she called me momma too.

I would be pretty pissed too, OP! You should definitely say something to your child's father about it. Don't keep quiet about it.

 

[Wilsey]

I think if your daughter had organically called her mom, then it wouldn't be so bad. I mean, it'd still feel kind of weird knowing your daughter called her mom but she's known her practically her whole life too. But asking her to call her mom is over stepping the line I think. She should have checked with you first.

My parents are still together so I have zero idea what the protocol is (or if there even can be a protocol for this).

 

[Chiochick]

I know speaking to her or the father about it wouldn't do any good. Probably more harm than anything as they like to be spiteful.
It wouldn't be so bad but she broadcasts it where she can.
Like my daughter had her school picture order form. I spoke to the father about it and gave them information to order pictures if they wanted.
Step mom ordered pictures, purchased the rights to the pictures, and posted them on social media before I was even able to order my pictures.
She posts about how "mommy (name) misses her princess so much" on Facebook. She comments things like this on every status I post about my daughter. I had to remove her before I lost it. So then she added my SO on Facebook and resumed the same thing.
And I KNOW my daughter has been coached there to say certain things and think certain things.
Maybe I'm looking at it the wrong way but it feels like she is doing this on purpose.
I'm not sure why. Her and my daughter's father have children of their own so it's not like she needs to "play house".
Idk if she's trying to "solidify" the fact that she's with my daughter's father and I'm not? (Happily with my SO lol)
Or if she's really that clueless.
But I don't think she'd like someone coming in and having her children call her mom.
It just looks and feels extremely desperate and I'm not the only one who has picked up on this.