Step-mom in need of a little support

[TFSGirl]

Hi all;

I am pretty new to this site and joined it at first for the purposes of reading the TTC forums, but have since also found this part of the site and am looking maybe just for a venting post for myself, if not also some advice/support.

I am the step-mom to 2 wonderful kids, both with severe Cerebral Palsy, and unfortunately their mother is a very very difficult person to get along with. Hub and his entire family have always struggled with her, and hub is the sweetest man on the planet but she treats him with such disrespect and disregard, it is entirely maddening. We have our house mostly set up for the kids to be able to stay here with a few things that still need to be carted back and forth when they visit which is fine. Both are confined to wheel chairs and the access to this house isn't perfect but we manage.

My biggest issue is how shitty birth mom treats hub and in some cases how flippant she is about the kids. Tonight being one of those nights. It is hubby and my weekend with the kids, and the agreement has always been for their mom to be back by 10 pm (ludicrous in my books, as the kids are 10 and 3, but she doesn't even seem to care because she has shown up back at her own home at 3 in the morning, leaving hub sitting there in her house waiting for her to come back for 5 hours or more. There have even been times she has been 36-48 hours late, and hub has been stuck there (before we had beds at the house for the kids)). We have finally got facilities for the kids to stay here over night, but it hasn't seemed to change her behaviour, it has in fact made it worse. She constantly shits all over hubby trying to say he is a bad father for wanting to stick to the schedule and be home at a decent hour, and I am reaching the end of my rope with her. Tonight hub goes to take the kids home and she texts him just as he gets to her house telling him she is going to be "late" as she is at some function. He asks how late and she never answered. So hubby is on his way BACK to our house with the kids, and will have to take them back home in the morning because it is far too late to be trucking them back and forth all over town. She is such a scum bag, but I try to just stay out of it as I love the kids and her craziness is none of my business. It would be hard enough with kids that don't have such special needs, but she just seems to try to make life as difficult as possible for us. Has anyone else ever had to experience anything like this? How do I continue to do this for the next however many years? She doesn't stick to ANYTHING that is in their agreement, no matter what the consequences.

Ugh. Just ready to rip my hair out.

 

[WinterKage]

Aww that's the thing hun x I'm a step mum myself and one thing I've learnt is to stay out of issues like this as its really between the mum and dad. I know its hard not to get involved x People are always going to think they are in the right and no point auguring with them though it is horrible x

 

[TFSGirl]

Yeah, I definitely stay away from mum and don't have anything to do with her personally, but watching the kids suffer is really tough. She will leave them with us for days on end with no indication of when she will be home... That's the part I can't handle.

 

[WinterKage]

I think they need to discuss some clear boundaries on days and times they both have the kids. She can't make a regular pattern of being late or out all the time as its not fair on you guys, plus 10pm for a 3yr old to be out is far too late, my youngest stepchild is almost 9 and is usually back home at 7 latest 8pm.

I think they need to make some earlier time to bring them back as i'm sure by 10pm they are both asleep and if your partner rings her and she says shes going to be out late etc then he should just have kids for night x

 

[JASMAK]

I would just stay out of it...and not let the kids hear your gripes...that is very damaging (not saying you are).

 

[TFSGirl]

We do keep the kids for the night if she is not home, but like I said there are times she does not come back anywhere between 36 and 48 hours later. There are clear defined guidelines for times she is supposed to be back but she will NOT follow them. Ever. She just doesn't care at all, she thinks it is US she is burdening, but it's the poor kids I worry about.

And I do not ever let the kids hear my gripes, ever. Our conversations always happen after they are back home.

 

[WinterKage]

I'm sure things can only get better hun and try not to stress x

 

[creatingpeace]

Why does hubs have to drop them, es she drive, force her to pick them up.

 

[TFSGirl]

That would never ever happen. The world revolves around her and everything needs to be done FOR her. If she was made to come get them, they would never get picked up and OH and I both leave for work at 5:30 in the morning so taking them home on the way to work is out of the question.