Straddling the line—anyone else?

[JoHio]

On one hand, I’d love to have another baby. Would just love one. It would be the 5th. On the other hand, I just turned 41, my youngest is starting school this September and I have a job which affords us the comfortable life we want and I’d have more time for my art if we had no more children.

But there’s this feeling that I’m not done yet. There’s also a feeling that my pelvic floor has hung on so far but might not make a 5th. Also, while my love is infinite my time is not and the children I do have need as much of my attention as I can give.

Anyone else have these debates with themselves? We’ve been not trying, not preventing for almost two years and nothing has happened so I feel like at some point I should just commit either way since I don’t want to be much older having a 5th child. If it was a first or second or even third, maybe. But 5th?

Probably not.

 

[monroea]

On one hand, I’d love to have another baby. Would just love one. It would be the 5th. On the other hand, I just turned 41, my youngest is starting school this September and I have a job which affords us the comfortable life we want and I’d have more time for my art if we had no more children.

But there’s this feeling that I’m not done yet. There’s also a feeling that my pelvic floor has hung on so far but might not make a 5th. Also, while my love is infinite my time is not and the children I do have need as much of my attention as I can give.

Anyone else have these debates with themselves? We’ve been not trying, not preventing for almost two years and nothing has happened so I feel like at some point I should just commit either way since I don’t want to be much older having a 5th child. If it was a first or second or even third, maybe. But 5th?

Probably not.

Yes!!! I have these exact thoughts. We're also NTNP for these same reasons.

 

[Suggerhoney]

Good luck for what ever u decide to do. I had my youngest at 41 and trying again and I’m 42 will be 43 in December. I think if it was me In your situation I would just go for it because u May regret it later. I wanted to hold out trying until next year but was told by a doctor we needed to start asap with me now being 42. So the way I look at it is we’re just going for it because if I did leave it it may be too late. Hope that helps u out a little. If u do go to trying trying then please join us all in the testing groups. There is a May one up now and also the April one that I’m running. Good luck love

 

[Bevziibubble]

Good luck

 

[Rebaby]

I totally get where you're coming from.

DH and I are trying for our first together and have been since 2019 but it's been a rough ride with three MMC in the space of 18 months all at the exact same point.

I have two pre-teen boys who DH is great with and loves as his own but I know deep down he'd like us to have a baby together and to have the chance to experience being a dad right from birth, something he says he'd long ago given up on the idea of.

I'm 37 and he's 46 so it really does feel like it's now or never.

We've been TTC since Feb and we've both said this will be our last try no matter what the outcome (although I'm well aware it's easier to say that now than it will be to come to terms with if we miscarry again further down the line.)

I do want a baby with DH very much but after everything we've been through, I'm also getting to the stage where I need to protect my mental and physical health (neither of which have been in great shape after three losses back to back tbh.)

Some days I feel I could move on from it all happily and devote my energy and attention to other things and that maybe it would be a positive thing for us all - we'd have more time and money and less stress and uncertainty. But other days, the idea of drawing a line under it all breaks my heart, especially knowing that if I'm the one to say "No more, I'm done" it will mean DH doesn't get to be a dad.

It's a tough call but only you can really know which you'd potentially regret more.

 

[motherofboys]

On one hand, I’d love to have another baby. Would just love one. It would be the 5th. On the other hand, I just turned 41, my youngest is starting school this September and I have a job which affords us the comfortable life we want and I’d have more time for my art if we had no more children.

But there’s this feeling that I’m not done yet. There’s also a feeling that my pelvic floor has hung on so far but might not make a 5th. Also, while my love is infinite my time is not and the children I do have need as much of my attention as I can give.

Anyone else have these debates with themselves? We’ve been not trying, not preventing for almost two years and nothing has happened so I feel like at some point I should just commit either way since I don’t want to be much older having a 5th child. If it was a first or second or even third, maybe. But 5th?

Probably not.

I know what you mean. I'd love another, I don't feel that I'm done or family is complete, and sometimes that desire is SO strong it can't be ignored. There are times though when I think "is it the brightest idea?" I love my job, we are doing OK now financially, we are starting to be able to take trips, we would need a bigger car, everything is so expensive. I'm 36 but husband is in his 50s, oldest child is 16. It would make sense to draw the line but I just can't call it a day either.