Struggling to like our unborn son's name

[victoria1987]

My DH and I just found out that we are having a little boy and we are over the moon! We were both hoping for a boy for our first one and got our wish, but the issue of names has been a difficult one.

My DH has a family tradition that first born sons are named Gerald, my DH is the 3rd Gerald and absolutely insists that our son be the 4th. I do not like this name, but understand how important it is to him so I agreed but with a condition that when the baby is a child he goes by a middle name rather than Gerald as there are still two living Geralds and it is just too confusing. He agreed but it must be a family name as well since this is a first born son and it follows tradition.

So we have settled on naming him after my father, David (as the middle name) with the official first name Gerald that he can use in adulthood if he chooses.

I am OK with the name David, it is no where near a name I would have chosen myself but I get that it is really important to DH and his family to keep with tradition. I just feel sad because there are so many names I love for a boy yet I have to settle on one that I have to learn to like. I will have to learn to like the name though since I won't take this tradition away from my DH, I have agreed to the name so I will stick to my word. Just wondering, any tips to help myself learn to like the name David?

 

[cookette]

No advice, but I feel your pain....

If baby is a boy, his name must begin with J and middle name Lee. Family tradition for many generations now..I think our son would be 4th or 5th...

My husband has the only J name I like- Jason. I am yet to find a single J name I can stand. I want to honor Hubbys family, but also dont want to cringe at my sons name!

 

[emyandpotato]

Don't use David! He got his wish with the first name you choose any name you please as the middle name! He is being utterly crazy getting a firm say in both names.

 

[LittleSesame]

Don't use David! He got his wish with the first name you choose any name you please as the middle name! He is being utterly crazy getting a firm say in both names.

I agree. Well, maybe not on the utterly crazy part but I agree both parents should have a say in a child's name. And you as a mother should be able to fall in love with your son's name and say it out loud without cringing. Since your husband got his wish to use Gerald, the middle and used name should be something you love. Tradition isn't everything and having a name that makes you feel good matters just as much.

 

[BigLegEmma]

With respect, why does your husband get to choose both names? You're already agreeing to Gerald, you should choose the middle name. You're the one nurturing your LO for 9mos in your womb and the Victorian period is over.

 

[cherrylips100]

It's a massive compromise using a first name you don't love, nevermind a second! You are your sons parent too and have every right to decide his name, what about any traditions in your family? Don't settle on a name you don't like or you will regret it!

 

[BigLegEmma]

Don't settle on a name you don't like or you will regret it!

+1

 

[victoria1987]

I understand what everyone is saying about how I should have a say in the name but it really isn't an option and I am OK with this. We agreed before we were even married that he would get to choose the first born son's name and being able to use a middle name instead of the first name is my compromise. I suppose that I should have mentioned that I have full control over our first daughter's name like he does for a son. Although I really don't like the name I would never take this important tradition away from him.

I guess every marriage is different right? And this is just one of those sacrifices that I need to make as a wife, he certainly makes enough sacrifices for me that doing this is not a real issue for me. I just need to get used to the name and hopefully one day learn to like it.

 

[RubyRainbows]

I wouldn't do it, but since you are ok with honoring the tradition then i suggest searching the family trees on both sides to pick a name you at least like, rather than David.

There has to be a name (first or middle) somewhere in the family that you like! Or maybe a family surname that may work as a middle name that you can use, and call your son by - like Clark or Miles or Miller. My friend's maiden name was Mitchell and then she named her son Mitchell - i love when it works out this way!

I'm sorry that i don't have a suggestion on how you can learn to love a name that you don't like! I say keep your word, honor the tradition, but keep searching for a choice you like more!

 

[bdb84]

I can relate to this.

My son is the fifth. I wasn't a huge fan of naming children after their fathers, but I respected my husband's desire to do so.

In all fairness, our situation is a bit different. His father was killed in action (Marine Corps) when Dh was just a year and a half. Continuing with this naming tradition was his way of keeping his father's name alive for one more generation, so to speak. I couldn't say no to that.

And now? Now I love his name. I embrace the meaning behind it and couldn't imagine choosing any other name.

 

[Tigerlily01]

I dislike the idea of one parent dictating the name despite the other's dissatisfaction with it. But if you are set on your OH choosing the name and you don't love the name David, I'd keep looking through your family trees to find other suggestions that maybe you'd BOTH like.

 

[wannabemomy37]

Is there a reason you have to go with your father's name, and not another male name in your family?
I'd keep looking, keep it in the family as per tradition but go back a little further until you find something you like better.
What is your dad's middle name?

 

[Leesy]

My Dh's family has a tradition that the first born sons MN is William. My only problem with this is I love the name William NN Will and always thought i would name my baby boy this. Anyway our lo had William as a middle name as I was happy to carry on the tradition. That being said if the family tradition was a name I did not like I wouldn't carry on with the tradition. I agree that both parents need to love or at least like the name chosen for their children. My DH chose our lo's first name too but I happily agreed as I also love the name. I have said though that I will be naming our next baby (as long as DH also likes the name I choose).

 

[ChristiansMum]

Could you not use 2 middle names and then pick the name you like and use that as a first name or as other ladies have said find a different middle name that's also a family name?

I'm lucky in both mine and DHs family's the names that get passed down are middle names (Edward in DHs family and that's our DS1s middle name and David in my family and that will be DS2s middle name) you and your OH need to agree on a name and both like it because believe me when they get older you have to say there name A LOT!!x

 

[BigLegEmma]

I wouldn't do it, but since you are ok with honoring the tradition then i suggest searching the family trees on both sides to pick a name you at least like, rather than David.

I agree. You need a name you can use for your son that feels right.

 

[Elizabean]

I went through something similar with our potential baby boys name, DHs family has a tradition of a name starting with a D, and most names I liked couldn't be used as they were names of our close friends. The only name DH liked was one I couldn't stand the sound of with our last name and it was making me feel ill at the thought of having a son called that! We talked and talked and negotiated another D name until he suddenly decided he wasn't going to follow the tradition anymore and I could have the name I wanted!

I guess the moral is lots of communication could change things. Another option could be maybe using a variant like Davis instead?

 

[modified]

Don't use David! He got his wish with the first name you choose any name you please as the middle name! He is being utterly crazy getting a firm say in both names.

This. Also agree with the pp about you both should be choosing the name and both should love it.

Sure, there are traditions in his family... but where do you come in? Your thoughts, opinions and wants matter too!

 

[Mrs HM]

I'm not sure you can make yourself like a name that you aren't crazy about. I see that honouring your DH's familiy's tradition is important to you so get why you are using Gerald, but I don't see why you've chosen David/why the middle name has to be a family name too.

I know you've made an agreement that you can name you first daughter so your DH can has his way with naming the first son, but I cannot imagine how horrible it would be to have to raise a child with a name I disliked. Personally I'd reopen discussions and insist on choosing a middle name you like for your son.

 

[BigLegEmma]

And there's no guarantee you'll have a daughter.

 

[Claire788]

Don't use David! He got his wish with the first name you choose any name you please as the middle name! He is being utterly crazy getting a firm say in both names.

Abolsoutly Agree!! hes your son too!!!!