struggling with remembrance day/veterans day :/

[amotherslove]

so, lilys father was (and still is) in the military.. and i've known him all my life.. every remembrance day has been important to me because to me, he was the face of our military..

he left us... wanted her aborted. and since her death hasn't contacted me at all, in fact we stopped talking 2 or more months ago..

i'm struggling.. it's stupid.. because i have other military friends.. and i support our troops.. and i love the military (i even planned to join before i got pregnant) but right now.. all this day is doing is making me angry.. why did he leave us? how could he fake our love? how could he not care about his own child? how could he throw away 17 years of friendship? why would my baby die when i can't ttc again? it's not FAIR that he doesnt have to feel the pain i felt.. he wasnt there when the doctor told me she had no heartbeat.. he wasnt there when my contractions started... he wasnt there when that awful popping feeling happened..(i can only assume this was her sac breaking as it came out in pieces)... he wasnt there while i squatted over a bucket in my bathtub having contractions and bleeding.. he didnt hold my hand in the ambulance.. he didnt hold my hair when the morphine reacted badly.. nothing.. he hasnt laid her to rest. he hardly acknowledged her life...

i dont want to hear about how "all of our soldiers are brave and honorable men" because some.. (or one at least) are cowards... and theyre souless heartless creatures.. i support our troops.. i support my army buddies, but wearing a uniform does not MAKE you a hero..your character does.. and he doesnt deserve the thanks that is being given to him today..

sorry if i offended anyone.. not intending to, i understand what it means to love a uniformed man.. and to the wives and families, you are all heroes for standing by them..

 

[Hellylou]

I am sorry he treated you so badly. You didn't deserve it.

 

[Nikki_d72]

I'm so sorry he was such a coward. I totally understand why the day would make you angry, hon. You are a strong and brave woman, going through all of that without him, and you don't need any uniform to show that. xxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

Going through your loss of Lily and then what he did, that was horrible. I am so sorry .How he could do that to you is heartless There is a saying :If you can't handle me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best" That applies to him. I would never be able to forgive him, but that is me. I am here for you whenever you need to talk. I am so sorry you have to endure this pain, breaks my heart
XOXOXOXOOXOXOX

 

[SarahJane]

Not offended at all and I am from a military family.

He sounds like a total bum hole! I am sorry this time of year is making you sad, we are here for you

 

[SarahJane]

PS, even without such a big day to remind you, it is very early days for you so try hard to take one day at a time. I promise you that things will get easier, it will never go away but the days do get easier xxxxx

So sorry about beautiful Lily xx

 

[amotherslove]

thank you.. some day i feel right as rain.. like.. like it meant nothing.. which makes me feel like an awful person, and then it all comes crashing down again.. i just miss her so much.. i miss the way it felt with her growing inside me..

 

[Andypanda6570]

thank you.. some day i feel right as rain.. like.. like it meant nothing.. which makes me feel like an awful person, and then it all comes crashing down again.. i just miss her so much.. i miss the way it felt with her growing inside me..

I also miss that too, I broke down when I gave birth to Ava cause for me that was final, she was gone. XOOXOXOXXOO I wish I could take your pain..

 

[amotherslove]

thank you.. some day i feel right as rain.. like.. like it meant nothing.. which makes me feel like an awful person, and then it all comes crashing down again.. i just miss her so much.. i miss the way it felt with her growing inside me..

I also miss that too, I broke down when I gave birth to Ava cause for me that was final, she was gone. XOOXOXOXXOO I wish I could take your pain..

i know exactly what you mean.. when i found out lilys heart was no longer beating.. i wasn't horribly upset or in any rush to get her out of me.. but when things started happening.. but went so slowly, i began to get frantic.. i just wanted the physical part over so i could move on.. i didn't realize how different it would feel for my womb to be empty again.. i am so happy for that final week or so i had with her even though she was gone.. i miss it so much.

youre a sweetheart, but don't you dare wish you could take my pain, you have your own pain. we will rise through our pain and somehow become stronger people. i know we will. and your boys are lucky to have such a strong woman as their mother