Struggling :-(

[louise1302]

As the title says I'm struggling hugely with this pregancy

I found out I was pregnant 8 weeks after my first and only daughter was stillborn in May. I have 5 beautiful healthy sons

I'm so tearful constantly I cry 4 or 5 times a day and it doesn't matter where I am. I'm just waiting for this baby to die. I used the Doppler last week and found the hb easily then used it yesterday and couldn't find the hb for an hour It took me right back to the night my daughter died and I spent 3 hours searching my stomach for her hb. I have never cried so much in all my life

I'm also scared I won't want this baby if its a boy. Even though I know that's silly and as long as this baby is born screaming I'll be over the moon I can't help wanting what should be

Not sure I can do this again

 

[Starry Night]

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. I can't even imagine what it would be like to suffer a stillbirth and then be pregnant again so quickly afterwards. I think it is normal to have a mix of feelings though so don't beat yourself up. I also don't think some gender disapointment is as heinous as some make it out to be. We all have dreams of what we want our child to be and it's hard to let that go sometimes.

Take it one day at a time and let yourself cry. It's a lot of emotions to bear. If it gets too much perhaps your doctor will be able to think of a way to help you. Is your oh supportive? How is he finding this pregnancy? I hope you both find a way to be in this together as I'm sure it's quite the journey for both of you.

I really hope this is your rainbow and I'm sure that you'll be celebrating with joy upon its arrival.

 

[coffee cake]

I am so sorry for your loss. How you feel is completely understandable, you are grieving and still trying to process your huge loss. So much love and kindness to you.