Stupid irrational feelings

[sezzolou]

I'm usually all for people dressing and looking however pleases themselves. I dont think I'm judgemental Or anything like that but at the moment I can't stand to even look at or touch my hubby. He's always had some sort or goatie or beard but now he has grown a full beard, not just abit of stubble or even a short beard but like a full on beard that he's growing quite long and uses beard wax on and he's shaved his head completely 😞 I hate it. I know my feelings are intensified by being pregnant but I don't know how to handle the way I'm feeling towards him. If I try to talk about it he gets really defensive and iknow really I have no right to tell him how to look. I'm finding myself making snide comments and avoiding touching him. Please tell me this intense feeling will pass 😔

 

[Spiffynoodles]

It might pass when you're not pregnant anymore.

I know you said that you have no right to tell him how to look, but I know my DH would never do that if he knew I didn't like it. (I actually told him early on that if he wanted me to kiss him, he'd better stay clean shaven, and he hasn't attempted to grow anything since then). But because he makes efforts to look the way I like, I do the same for him. I know he prefers it when my hair is longer, so I've been growing it out for him, even though having long hair annoys me sometimes.

I think you need to have a serious talk with him about it. Make sure he knows that you find him attractive, but not as much with his current look. I know for a lot of guys, that would be enough. Ask him if there's something he'd like you to try so that he knows you're willing to make an effort for him as well.

Good luck. I know how hard it is to feel frustrated with your DH and pregnancy can sometimes make you feel even more irrational and frustrated than normal.

 

[jzgrace]

Its funny you should say you have no right to tell him. You sure DO have a right! If he didnt want your hair as short as a mans and red, blue, green in color. Im sure he wouldnt have a problem telling you right? (I dont know your husband but just a guess) or if he didnt want you to gain 200 lbs and keep it on wouldnt he say something? In my state where I live it is illegal for a wife to cut her hair unless the husband agrees. (Weird I know and not enforced)
It could be the hormones if you would never have a problem otherwise. This is a hard one. My husband asks my opinion usually. I hope he lets his hair grow back soon so you'll start to feel better.

 

[sezzolou]

I think i will have to have another talk with him. I can feel myself distancing myself abit when we usually have a really close relationship. It is usual for us to be very open and seek each others opinions on how we look etc. He really loves my long hair so ive always made an effort to keep it long and looking good and i must admit when we first got together 13 years ago i clearly remember him saying jokingly (but probably secretly seriously) that he would not be as attracted to me if i ever gained weight but i would probably feel the same about him if he were to gain weight.

It seems he just has a bee in his bonnit about the beard thing (i can cope with the shaved head, infact it looks good). He has said he is not going to shave or trim the beard until the new baby arrives in January!!!! Its like his little project but i hate it. He looks so much older (and abit like his dad lol). Hes always been quite individual and if he has an opinion on something he really goes to town on it but since the birth of our son hes got worse. Not necessarily a bad thing as i know he wants our children to be open too and have their own opinions on the important things (he would never push his beliefs onto others, just likes to get into debates). Anyway i have totally gone off topic lol. I will try talking to him again and hopefully he wont get to defensive this time.

 

[Spiffynoodles]

I would be honest. Tell him that you don't feel as close to him anymore and ask him if the beard is worth causing damage to your relationship. You can tell him that it may seem silly to him for a thing like a beard to change your feelings, but it matters to you. Any rational person should see that it's really not worth it.

(P.S. I personally, don't think it's silly. I would have serious issues if my DH grew out a big beard. It would be an all out cold war until the beard went bye-bye )

 

[jzgrace]

I know the distancing thing is hormonal. Some women cant stand OH while pregnant. My friend couldnt stand anything her oh said or did. She wanted nothing to do with him in the bed room either. (Not saying this is what youre going through, just an example) . Ive had to apologize to dh because ive been so hormonal and irritable. I dont think they could begin to understand what we go through emotionally OR physically. So this forum is wonderful for the venting especially! ! Maybe your dh wants to go through a change as you are? (The beard thing/pregnancy) Some people do things like that with change in life. My dh shaved his head when he broke up with his ex, he said it was getting rid of the old getting ready for the new. So maybe your dh shaved the old and grew the new! Just a positive way to think of it.

 

[Mummy to be x]

I can sympathise with you on this, I'm the opposite though, my OH looks very strange when he shaves off his beard so I prefer him to keep it, he's said a few times he fancies a change and he may shave it, but I just explain that I like him with his beard etc etc and he keeps it that way

I don't think your over reacting at all, if my hubby puts on a shirt, or a pair of jeans I don't think he looks good in, I get cross and tell him to change hormones do crazy things to us women but as long as your hubby understands you won't go far wrong

Good luck Hun