Sudden severe change in behavior - Help!!

[Abz1982]

Since the 27th of March my child has been the toddler from hell and I do not know why, or what to do .

She used to go to bed bang at 8pm, she knew it was bed time, she would kiss everyone night night, but now, now she will not go near her room. She screams, throws herself about so much that she hurts herself and I am sure our neighbours are going to think we are hurting her as she screams No mummy, or nOOO daddy so so loud (we have wooden floors so they muse hear as I can hear upstairs and downstairs!). She will only sometimes try to get to sleep in our b ed, but even then I have to pretend to be asleep so that she will sleep. Or she just wants mummy cuddles in a certain chair in the living room.

At nursery she eats ALL her food - even has seconds, yet sat - Tues she hardly will eat a thing here - she has like 2/3 bites and thats is it - maybe one morning she will eat her breakfast plus a banana or something, but she just will not eat here - or even out or at my parents or when we are all sat round the table. she wants on my lap and to mess with my food - not eat it , just mess with it.

She has started throwing and hitting when she doesn't get her own way as well. Or going for things that she knows are breakable - like threatening to take a knife(one of the metal kids ones, so not sharp) to the settee and the tv!

And then this morning..............she went into a unit she is not allowed in, pulled stuff our so she could get at A pen and proceeded to draw all over my drawings I had done, that I have had for over 15 years and mean a lot to me.

I dunno what to do. I am knackered, I am up at 6am, then asleep at about 11pm - and usually she will be up at about 3am and want juice/water/milk or just refuse to go to bed again. I work 40 hours a week..............I may not like my job, but I need it and this last week I have hardly been able to concentrate as I have had like 3-4 hours a night sleep - and as I have a bad back, once I lie down I practically need helped up so I am in agony when she is in the bed with is as I cannot sleep how I need to sleep .

I cannot think why she is suddenly like this. It is not an issue with me and her always wanting me as when her grandma is here she ONLY wants her and if I go to cuddle her she goes mental. I do know her gran is too lax on her, and gives her sweets and stuff, but I wouldnt think they would cause such a change in behaviour.

The only break through has been tonight, she is JUST staying in her room - with the door open, and I can hear her whining and moaning, and coughing. She coughs a lot - so much so that she makes herself sick, but the doctor has said her breathing and lungs are ok, so I dunno what to do!! My mates son was the same (but he is 12) and it turns out its Asthma.

I just not know what to do. People say just leave her to scream, but she follows you - she is out of bed and by your side before you even are out her room! and she WILL scream for hours and hours - 3 hours is the best so far.

 

[tracie107]

Hi,

If your heart is telling you that something isn't right ie. it's not just normal tantrums then get your Doctor to refer you to a Child Behaviour Therapist. Or contact one yourself & see what you have to do to get on their books. There may be a waiting list of several months but it will be worth it.

We did it for our son when we lived in the UK.

Good Luck.

 

[aimee-lou]

Hmmmmm - I know she's older than Earl but we have to be so careful to be consistent with him, otherwise he knows how to play up like a good-un!
Like the previous poster said if your gut is telling you something is wrong, then do rule out the physical things and maybe ask to see a therapist. Maybe call up your HV and see if they know of anyone they can refer you to?

My instict would be though that maybe she has cottoned on when, what and where she can get attention. I'm not saying she;s being manipulative, but she may just know how to get attention and you just need to see if she will respond to a form of discipline and reward. Do you currently do any form of discipline? Do nursery do anything specific? Maybe ask them what their normal routine is and try to keep some of it at home in the days she's there?

Bedtime is a difficult one. Does she have a nightlight? A comforter? A blanket? A teddy? Was it a gradual thing or a sudden change, like overnight? Could it be a sleep regression with a development spurt, or have you changed routine at all - potty training? anything like that? Sounds a bit odd but the simplest things can disrupt and Earl has been getting up 4-8 times in the night due to teeth, development spurt and the clocks changing! Could you try Supernanny's stay in bed technique, or sleep seperation techniques, to see if it simply is an attention thing, and try to break the cycle?

I'm sorry that it's causing you so much stress - I would also speak to granny and make her tow the line a bit more. Yes, a couple of sweets isn't going to do any damage, but if she doesn't get consistency then all your hard work will be undone.

good luck, and I hope it passes, which I sure it will!

 

[Tegans Mama]

If you think her behaviour is unusual, bring it up with your HV or GP and they might refer you to a paed. In our area, they are the people who deal with behavioural problems. x

 

[Abz1982]

Hmmmmm - I know she's older than Earl but we have to be so careful to be consistent with him, otherwise he knows how to play up like a good-un!
Like the previous poster said if your gut is telling you something is wrong, then do rule out the physical things and maybe ask to see a therapist. Maybe call up your HV and see if they know of anyone they can refer you to?

My instict would be though that maybe she has cottoned on when, what and where she can get attention. I'm not saying she;s being manipulative, but she may just know how to get attention and you just need to see if she will respond to a form of discipline and reward. Do you currently do any form of discipline? Do nursery do anything specific? Maybe ask them what their normal routine is and try to keep some of it at home in the days she's there?

Bedtime is a difficult one. Does she have a nightlight? A comforter? A blanket? A teddy? Was it a gradual thing or a sudden change, like overnight? Could it be a sleep regression with a development spurt, or have you changed routine at all - potty training? anything like that? Sounds a bit odd but the simplest things can disrupt and Earl has been getting up 4-8 times in the night due to teeth, development spurt and the clocks changing! Could you try Supernanny's stay in bed technique, or sleep seperation techniques, to see if it simply is an attention thing, and try to break the cycle?

I'm sorry that it's causing you so much stress - I would also speak to granny and make her tow the line a bit more. Yes, a couple of sweets isn't going to do any damage, but if she doesn't get consistency then all your hard work will be undone.

good luck, and I hope it passes, which I sure it will!

It was totally ober night. Thursday the 26th she went to bed as normal - nursery on the 27th then crazy mental when going to sleep.
She has her bunny, and a night light teddy and these other LED lights that she picked out, but before the 27th she would even have the door practically shut, now she wants it open.
Have not started Potty training yet - her gran did get her to wee on the loo about 2 weeks ago, but that is it.

I know from my parents telling me that I was MENTAL bad as a toddler when it came to sleep - so much so that my mum was shown hypnotherapy techniques for me and I had to drink camomile (yuk) tea and when I was about 2 I had a lock OUTSIDE my bedroom door as I was able to climb out my cot and get out and would cause mayhem. I was what they classed as a 'hyperactive child with severe sensitivities to E numbers' - so I have been making sure that Emma doesn't get sugary things - and she does go crazy when she has them - she stole a sweet at my mums on sunday and was literally speaking in tongues and running around for 4 hours!

I will have a look at the supernanny website. We have been keeping to a routine since I can remember, but we did allow for the clocks changing and so we have 1 clock in the living room that is the same time as before - the one she can see, and the blinds go down at 6:30pm.

The only major thing I can think of is that it may be some developmental spurt as when she did finally fall asleep last friday, she slept for 14 hours and when she woke up she was stringing sentances together - so crazy as it sounds, could she have progressed mentally and therefore knows how to play us, or now realises that bed = no more play time today?

I am just totally clueless as my friends kids have been SO SO different to Emma, so I cannot get first hand how to deal with this kinda thing.

 

[Seraphim]

As natural as it is, I would try not to make direct comparisons with your friends children and how your parents describe you

I'm not sure how old she is, has she got all her teeth?

The one thing which makes H act in strange ways is her teeth hurting her. She's not quite as upset as your LO sounds, but certainly changes quickly and in ways which just are not like her normal behaviour.

 

[Abz1982]

She is 22 months. I am not 100% sure - she is a pain to let me look inside her mouth, but there are at least 16 teeth in there.

 

[wellyboot]

This may well be a long shot, but is she coming down with something? Where I live, there is loads of chicken pox going round - I remember from when I had it, I felt so unlike myself and was really angry and irrational while I was incubating it for about two weeks before any spots appeared.

Otherwise, just hang on in there. It may well pass just as quickly as it all started. I'm a working Mum too, and understand how shattering it is to go to work when being at home is a constant battle ground. Just prioritise at work, just do what you have to do and save your energy for when you're home.

Lots of hugs, let us know how you're getting on.

Welly xx

 

[Abz1982]

God, I hope she isnt, but she has had this cough on and off since November, and keeps catching various thinkgs from bursery whenever a new kid comes in -0 which is about every month

 

[joeyjo]

I'd get her a check up at doctors first off - may be as simple as an ear infection.

 

[Abz1982]

Well, complete and utter turn around tonight!

She was up at 8am, pottering about herself though before hand as stuff in the living room has been moved. then at nursery they were outside a lot today and she had about 1.5hours for a nap. Bar one massive tantrum at tea time - she trashed an art station thing so I told her off and when she tried to be all "mumym cuddles" and wanting comforted I ignored her and she was on the sofa and I told her to stay and she did (still screaming mind) but she then said she was sorry etc. She fell asleep in her car seat on way home from my parents, then had a tantrum free bath, tantrum free getting ready for bed - she tried to start but all I had ot do was look stern and she took a deep breath and stopped, then 2 stories then I just tucked her in, had a light on and I sat next to the bed for 20 mins to see if she would fall asleep without her having to have me practically squish her with cuddles - not a peep. I then went to move, she was still awake so I kissed her and left the room - left door open - not a peep. She stayed awake for about 25 mins after that, only had one heeby jeeby when OH walked past her door, but she stayed on her bed (turned a 180) then fell asleep.
Have had some coughing and a few gurns but she is currently lying totally spread eagle with a smirk on her face snoring peacefully..........and I'm still none the wiser as to what all the palava was over?!

Fingers and toes and legs and arms crossed tomorrow is the same! But have a feeling on Sunday/Mon/Tuesday night will be back to square one when MIL is here - grrr - and emmas every whim is pandered to and she is constantly molly coddled (seriously, Emma ran into her and hurt herself and the daft woman aoplogised to emma - when it was emmas fault!!!)