Suggestions for helping 15 month old self settle and sleep longer than 2 hours????

[Kapow]

Max has never been a 'through the night' sleeper. He used to end up in our bed most night up until he turned 6 month and we put a stop to it.

At 7 months he was put into his own room and since then his sleeping is still not great. We've had a few night where he has slept 7/8 hours which was amazing but this is very few and far between.

We've cut down his night-time breast feeds gradually over the past two months and now he just has one from me during storytime and if he wakes through the night OH usually goes to him. If I go in I seem to make him cry more as he can smell milk I think and wants me to feed him back to sleep. This used to be fine but now I'm back at work and expecting No2 baby I'm just too tired to be feeding him 4/5 times a night.

I'm hoping that I if I let you lovely ladies know our routine you may be able to find something that may be the reason that he's up so much.

6pm Dinner at the dining table
6.30pm Undress him and let him have naked play until his bath is ready
7pm Bath (usually with me in there with him), wash him and have some splashy-song to wear him out a little (By now he is usually yawning and rubbing his eyes)
7.15pm OH takes him into his room (which is dimly lit, around 20°c and quiet) and dries him and gets him into his PJs and Grobag.
7.20pm We sit on his sofabed and I breast feed him while OH reads him a story (By now he usually seems really sleepy)
If he is still wide away OH turns off the light and leaves the room while I recite another story to him in the dark. If he seems sleepy I don't bother with the second story and put him down in his cot.
This is where the fun starts ...............
He rolls onto his front and then wants his back stroked/bum patted until he's gone to sleep. If we stop before he's gone he lifts his head and starts whinging.

If we leave the room and try to let him cry it out he starts by whinging and wining, then onto proper crying and screaming until we go back in. We have left him up to 25 mins like this and there was no signs of him stopping. When we go back into his room he's always standing in the corner of his cot and as you walk towards him he stops crying and lays back on his front ready for you to stroke him again.

Once he's eventually asleep he'll go a few hours but wakes around 4 times a night (at random times) and the whole thing happens again. We never pick him up out of his cot or turn on any lights etc, so I just don't know what we are doing wrong.

I really don't want to give him a bottle but he won't take a whole beaker of milk before bedtime, he just takes a few sips and doesn't want anymore.

Any advise you have will be welcomed with open arms. We're both exhausted and I'm worried how I'll cope with Max and a newborn in the spring!!

Thanks for reading if you got this far!

xxxx

 

[MotherBeth]

Hi! My method isn't right for everyone -- and might not be for you. But I'm gonna share it because for me ... it really changed my life with my own 15 month-old. Cause she was -- probably not quite as difficult about bedtime as yours, but she was getting pretty howly about it, and it was stressing me out because I needed to get some sleep myself at night!

My friend, who has many children, taught me this, during the height of her "not wanting to go to bed" phase -- he told me it worked for him, and I was willing to try anything, so I tried it. It goes like this --

1) Make sure they're full at night. Make sure they've had enough to eat.
2) When it's bed time, just put them in the bed/crib with a big smile, turn on music, nightlight -- whatever they like, say "goodnight" with a big smile and walk away.
3) Stay gone for 1 minute exactly. No longer, no shorter. No matter how much screaming/standing up/crying out is going on, don't go back in there for one whole minute.
4) Come back in, smile as though nothing's wrong (even though they're screaming), say reassuring things -- act happy. Lay them back down in a sleeping position -- cheerfully. Say "goodnight" again and walk away.
5) Stay gone for one minute, 30 seconds. No matter how much screaming ensues. (And don't stay longer than that either! If you stay gone too long, that's no good. Just one minute 30 seconds.)
6) Come back in. Smile, be happy, be loving and cheerful, act like everything's great. Lie them back down in a sleeping position. Leave again.
7) Don't come back for 2 whole minutes.

And you repeat this -- adding 30 seconds to the time you stay gone each time.

The important points to remember are always to be happy and gentle and loving when you visit the room -- but NEVER pick them up or feed them. (We're assuming they're already well-fed.) Just put them back down in a lying down position. And do it like everything is hunky dory and you're happy, and he's happy and night-night.

And never come back in sooner than the formula says, and never let them cry longer than the formula says.

Same thing for wake-ups later on. Just treat it like another scheduled visit. "Oh, hi, baby. Yes, I love you so much -- kiss, kiss -- everything's just fine and I'm here and I'm now I'm lying you back down and I love you so much -- night, night." And leave! Wait one minute ... etc.

The first night I did this, I had to repeat several times, adding 30 seconds each time. But by about four nights, I had to come back in maybe just one time. And now, months later -- I gotta tell you -- I don't EVER have to come back in. I put her down for bedtime and that's it. I can relax, wind down, read a book, get ready for bed, and not see baby again until morning. And it's really changed my life!

So just thought I'd share this method with you, in case it's helpful.