Surrogacy?

[justme00]

We are thinking of hiring a surrogate since my body doesn't want to cooperate. Anyone else consider this option? Has anyone done research for surrogacy process in the U.S.? The hardest part is finding where to start....

 

[CurlySue]

Not quite legal in our country unless you know a person willing to carry a child for you. You cannot advertise for a surrogate or to be a surrogate so it's basically if you know someone willing to do it, fine. If not, not sure how you would go about it.

Is different in the US I think. I have heard its quite a complicated process.

I think if there was proof I could not carry a child I would like for someone else to carry one for me. It does depend on what you have already tried though. You have been TTC since October 2007. It seems like a long time but in the grand scheme of things, it's not all that long. Seems it, yes, but it does not seem long enough to give up on your own body's ability to carry a child. You have not been pregnant but there might be nothing to suggest you could not carry. Have you tried Clomid? IUI? IVF? Unless there is something that tells you that you could not carry a child then surrogacy seems like a very huge step, overstepping things which might mean that you get to carry and nurture your own baby.

Again, not sure of your circumstances but have you had all the testing done? Sometimes, the problem is egg quality. In this case, the egg would still be poor quality if a surrogate had it implanted and would give it no better chance than your own body. If you have had the tests, though, then fair enough. It is something to consider though. Not sure what tests you have had done, but if you have not been tested for such things and it WAS egg quality that was the problem then surrogacy would not be a good option for you.

The price alone could end up being huge, in fact I have heard it can even be higher than the cost of IVF all in all. Would you not want to try those things before having someone else carry your baby?

Sorry if I sound bad. It just always seemed like the last option, if all else fails.

 

[Aria]

If this cycle didn't take, we were either going to have to have me go through a surgery to close my tubes off lower than they already are, or go with a surrogate. There are two types of surrogates. The cheaper was is a traditional surrogacy, where the surrogate's eggs are used and she is artificially inseminated with the father's sperm. AVOID THIS TYPE!! The surrogate has the right change her mind after birth, and keep custody, and the father has to pay child support. It's fucked up beyond belief, but it happens. As medicine and law see it, she is a biological parent, and as the law sees it, you can't take custody away from a biological mother unless she's shown to be unfit (fathers are a different story). And so, as she has custody, you and your husband will be paying for a child you waited to raise, and now get every other weekend, if she cooperates. What's more, you pay her to carry the child she has the legal right to keep. This type of surrogacy should be outlawed.

The more expensive route where you are guaranteed to get the baby is a gestational surrogate. Either your eggs or donor eggs are fertilized in a lab, everything the same so far as IVF. Only rather than transferring them into you, they are transferred to a third party. The gestational carrier can not decide she wants custody and get it.

It is completely legal here in the states to publicly search for a surrogate. Surrogate Moms Online is one such site.

The first step though after deciding to do this will be to find the surrogate. Your cycles will be synced. You'll go through the beginning of IVF, the shots and all, then the retrieval and fertilization. You'll both have had HCG shots to trigger ovulation at the same time. Then the embryos will be transferred to her.

Your reproductive endocrinologist should be able to help you get started.

 

[Aria]

Also, if the problem is egg quality, have you considered using donor eggs? The donor retains ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHTS to the eggs after they're retrieved.

 

[JASMAK]

It isn't illegal in our country, it's just illegal for a surrogate to charge a fee. I wish!!! No one wants to carry a baby for me, that I know. Believe me, I have asked! It just isn't that easy here.

 

[vineyard]

My clinic does it frequently and sets up a surrogate for you.

But, as someone already mentioned...have you considered embryo adoption. I know several people who have done this. You get the embryo from someone else and then have them transfer it to you. It's cheaper than surrogacy and you get to experience the pregnancy....

 

[Aria]

Embryo adoption is still pretty expensive, and now, as of pretty recently, the federal government sees it as the same as adopting a child already born, so unless the embryo adoption is from someone you know, going through an agency means the same home check, etc., as for adopting a born child, as the US government sees adopting embryos as the exact same thing because there's no genetic relation.

Each embryo adoption costs between $6,000 and $17,500.

This gave me pause:

What if an adoptive family gets pregnant and there are still embryos remaining?
All donated embryos will be released to the adoptive parents via a relinquishment agreement. The agreement will specify a period of time in which they must thaw and transfer as many embryos as are needed. If more time is needed, another relinquishment will be requested.

If the adopting parents have remaining embryos that they will not be transferring at a later time, the embryos should be returned to the original donating family. The original family may then determine if the embryos may be adopted by another family.

Sounds almost lie embryos are on loan for a set period of time, and if you get pregnant with one, good, if not, they're taken back. This is screwed up.

More in the FAQs here

 

[CurlySue]

You really do have to consider all options. Jumping from naturally trying to conceive to surrogacy does seem to be bypassing the chance to carry your own child and, like I said, it might be the quality of eggs that is the factor holding you back from getting pregnant. If you are going through the egg collection, the stimulation, etc, why don't you just have them implant it back into you? You don't yet know you can't carry, and that's the reason for using a surrogate.

 

[Aria]

Sue nailed it. Leave surrogacy as the last report when you know you can't carry. You'll be responsible for the IVF costs, the surrogate's fee (which can be easily $50,000), plus her medical bills. I don't know of any insurance that will cover the cost of pregnancy and delivery for a surrogate. Not all insurance even covers maternity when carrying one's one biological child. You really should exhaust all your other options first.

 

[polo_princess]

So its legal for a surrogate to charge in the US? Here in the UK that is flat out illegal, and as a surrogate you can only claim expenses

 

[CurlySue]

You also cannot advertise to be a surrogate or FOR a surrogate in the UK, so its basically if you know someone willing to do it. Is mad really.

 

[Aria]

Oh absolutely. $50,000 or more, plus all expenses are paid as well. If you have a friend or relative willing (amazingly we have two people we trust who are willing should it have come to that), then you may not have to pay the fee if they don't want one, but the medical bills still are usually out of pocket.

I think in the UK you also don't get a fee to donate eggs or sperm. Here you do. $7,000 or more for eggs, and $75 or so per ejaculation.

 

[polo_princess]

No for donating eggs you do usually receive a free cycle of IVF but no payments.

The UK are very hot on that kind of thing

 

[Aria]

That doesn't make a lot of sense. Donate eggs and you get to do a free cycle of IVF? What if you're fertile and wouldn't need IVF? I know in the US most women who are egg donors are perfectly fertile. Is this the UK's way of trying to get women who need IVF to give back, so to speak?

 

[CareBear]

Also in the UK I think from the small amount of research I've done (I could be wrong so apologise if I am), you have to have exhausted all possible fertility treatments. If egg quality is an issue as CurlySue said then using a surrogate as a host won't solve your problems, however if egg quality is a problem and you know someone who would be a surrogate they could also be a donor and therefore do traditional surrogacy with a turkey baster.

 

[CurlySue]

That doesn't make a lot of sense. Donate eggs and you get to do a free cycle of IVF? What if you're fertile and wouldn't need IVF? I know in the US most women who are egg donors are perfectly fertile. Is this the UK's way of trying to get women who need IVF to give back, so to speak?

It makes sense. It makes sense if you cannot afford IVF. You go through stimulation, you go through egg collection and you donate half of your eggs. If eight fertilise, you donate four and you get the other four. If only two fertilise, you get one, the hospital get the other to donate to a woman who has no eggs.

You get your treatment cycle for, say, £900 instead of £5000. It's a way of 'rewarding' people who are giving something to other people. If you are willing to share then so are they.

Some people do not want to be paid for a good deed. In the future, if I ever manage to have children of my own I plan to donate eggs. I won't want anything back for that. The knowledge that somebody got a baby because of me would be more than enough. There are a lot of people who feel this way. The 'payment' is not monetary. It's actually more than that. It's the knowledge that you gave someone their wish. Their dream. And that, to me, is worth more than cash.

 

[Aria]

Also in the UK I think from the small amount of research I've done (I could be wrong so apologise if I am), you have to have exhausted all possible fertility treatments. If egg quality is an issue as CurlySue said then using a surrogate as a host won't solve your problems, however if egg quality is a problem and you know someone who would be a surrogate they could also be a donor and therefore do traditional surrogacy with a turkey baster.

Are there laws in place in the UK to protect the rights of the intended parents, or does the surrogate, as the biological mother, have the right to keep the child, as in the US?

 

[Aria]

It makes sense. It makes sense if you cannot afford IVF. You go through stimulation, you go through egg collection and you donate half of your eggs. If eight fertilise, you donate four and you get the other four. If only two fertilise, you get one, the hospital get the other to donate to a woman who has no eggs.

You get your treatment cycle for, say, £900 instead of £5000. It's a way of 'rewarding' people who are giving something to other people. If you are willing to share then so are they.

Oh! I see. I thought you meant you go through a cycle and someone else gets the eggs, and then you go through a cycle and keep those eggs. I didn't realize you meant that the eggs retrieved in one cycle are split.

Whose sperm is used to fertilize the eggs of both you and the other lady want your own husbands to be the bio-dads?

 

[CurlySue]

The donee, for lack of a better word, uses your egg with their partner's sperm.

At 18, as with adoption, the grown up child can ask for information on their biological mother, so to speak.

https://www.ngdt.co.uk

Those that do not want to do IVF can simply donate eggs because they want to help someone. Like I said, there is no price for that. No monetary gain. It's like donating blood. You don't get paid, but you get paid in the knowledge that you saved someones life.

 

[CareBear]

Also in the UK I think from the small amount of research I've done (I could be wrong so apologise if I am), you have to have exhausted all possible fertility treatments. If egg quality is an issue as CurlySue said then using a surrogate as a host won't solve your problems, however if egg quality is a problem and you know someone who would be a surrogate they could also be a donor and therefore do traditional surrogacy with a turkey baster.

Are there laws in place in the UK to protect the rights of the intended parents, or does the surrogate, as the biological mother, have the right to keep the child, as in the US?

Truth to be told I'm not sure but there is an organisation Surrogancy UK that can help with all the legal issues and draw up a contract I believe.