surrogacy

[Zarababy1]

im not sure if im posting in the right place but iv been thinking about it loads, i loved beeing pregnant and had a really easy birth but i know im not ready to have another baby for my self and dont know if i ever want another. id love to give somone the gift that i have. i dont know wat my oh thinks about it but i assume he'd say wait untill we've finished having our own kids, but the problem is i dont know if i want any more! whats everyones oppinions? its not as if i wouldnt be able to have my own after if i choose is it!

 

[CurlySue]

Well it's your choice but, it does depend on what country you are in. The legalities are always an issue.

 

[fairybee]

i think its an amazing gift to someone who cant have there own mircles but im not sure i could do it!! if u think u could do then i think its a fantastic idea!!

 

[sam's mum]

Well it's your choice but, it does depend on what country you are in. The legalities are always an issue.

As long as you don't benefit financially from it I don't think there are any problems legally - and I think payments for expenses such as travel to appointments and healthy eating are ok. It's something I've always thought about doing too when my family is complete (I want them quite close together)...if I'm not too old. I love being pregnant x

 

[AppleBlossom]

I was thinking that in a couple of years time I might do the same for my auntie. She loves kids but hasn't been able to have any. She got pregnant 3 years ago and was so excited but miscarried and she was in bits. She has always been like a second mum to me, she's only 30 though so there is still time for her to try. I think it's a great idea as long as you know that once you tell someone you will have a baby for them you can't turn around when they're born and decide you want to keep it yourself

 

[sam's mum]

I was thinking that in a couple of years time I might do the same for my auntie. She loves kids but hasn't been able to have any. She got pregnant 3 years ago and was so excited but miscarried and she was in bits. She has always been like a second mum to me, she's only 30 though so there is still time for her to try. I think it's a great idea as long as you know that once you tell someone you will have a baby for them you can't turn around when they're born and decide you want to keep it yourself

I'm sure you would need to sign something at the start (if you were doing it for someone you didn't know) - and I also think it would be completely different to carrying your own baby, as genetically it wouldn't be yours at all (assuming they had IVF and you were purely carrying the baby for them)

What a wonderful thing to want to do for your auntie x

 

[AppleBlossom]

I'm sure you would need to sign something at the start - and I also think it would be completely different to carrying your own baby, as genetically it wouldn't be yours at all (assuming they had IVF and you were purely carrying the baby for them) x

Yeah I suppose you would feel different. But I would still love to do it. Even though I hated being pregnant lol

 

[sam's mum]

I'm sure you would need to sign something at the start - and I also think it would be completely different to carrying your own baby, as genetically it wouldn't be yours at all (assuming they had IVF and you were purely carrying the baby for them) x

Yeah I suppose you would feel different. But I would still love to do it. Even though I hated being pregnant lol

Pressed submit reply before I'd said everything I wanted to...sorry! x

 

[TashaAndBump]

I know I couldn't do this; After the whole journey of pregnancy I know that I would want to keep the baby. BUT if you KNOW that you will be able to do this and it's really what you (and your OH) want, then it is a beautiful thing to be able to do for other people who can not have their own kids for whatever reason.

Of course, if you are thinking about this you will need to think hard, and be certain that at the end of the pregnancy and birth you will have no emotional or mental problems with giving the baby up - especially if the baby would be for someone close to you and would remain in your lives. I imagine it could be very difficult after carrying the baby (regardless of whose egg was used) to detach yourself from that maternal feeling towards them, and give up completely any rights to be a 'mommy' figure to them

I would find it too hard. But like I say, if you've thought it through completely and know within yourself that you would have no problems (and your OH has no problems either) then go for it - it's a brilliant, and beautiful thing to be able to do.

 

[AppleBlossom]

 

[sam's mum]

I know I couldn't do this; After the whole journey of pregnancy I know that I would want to keep the baby. BUT if you KNOW that you will be able to do this and it's really what you (and your OH) want, then it is a beautiful thing to be able to do for other people who can not have their own kids for whatever reason.

Of course, if you are thinking about this you will need to think hard, and be certain that at the end of the pregnancy and birth you will have no emotional or mental problems with giving the baby up - especially if the baby would be for someone close to you and would remain in your lives. I imagine it could be very difficult after carrying the baby (regardless of whose egg was used) to detach yourself from that maternal feeling towards them, and give up completely any rights to be a 'mommy' figure to them

I would find it too hard. But like I say, if you've thought it through completely and know within yourself that you would have no problems (and your OH has no problems either) then go for it - it's a brilliant, and beautiful thing to be able to do.

It's something that I've thought about for years, not just since being pregnant, and I think I would only be able to do it for someone close to me - not because I would want the baby to remain in my life, but because if it's someone I'd want to do it for I know that the baby's parents would be great parents. Yes, I'd probably feel closer to the baby than I would if I wasn't involved at all, but no more than I would going to every scan with a close friend or relative and being present at the birth x

 

[Sinead]

I think people who can do this are amazing. I don't think I could, but then I don't think I could use a surragate either (dunno why and my sis has offered). I'm sure you'll make the right choice for you and your family

 

[FJL]

I think carrying someone elses child for a couple who cannot would be one of the greatest gifts ever.

BUT, there would be so much to think about. I don't know a whole lot about surrogacy (except that here in oz it is illegal in some states and money cannot be offered apart from covering expenses) but I would really hope that there would be mandatory counselling provided because I think as much as you prepare yourself for something so huge as this, there is no way you can really know what is going to happen and how you're going to feel.

I'd be thinking like your OH and wait until your family is complete. You just never know if something was to go wrong and you were no longer able to have anymore children and you don't want to regret something like this. If you aren't sure if you want to have more children or not then perhaps wait until you know for sure.

Read up and find out as much info as you can, perhaps google a surrogacy forum for more 'real life' info and experiences.

I think you definitely need to have your OH on board for something like this too.

Good luck for whatever you decide to do.

 

[Mynxie]

I admire anyone who can do this, tbh, I think it would be immensely hard to carry a baby, go through all the trials of pregnancy and then give the baby that you've carried to another couple.

 

[maz]

I think being a surrogate for a couple that can't carry a child themselves is a wonderful thing to do. It's something I might consider once I have my own family but given the fact that it has taken us 4 years so far and we are still ttc #1 my age may well go against me.

We might donate any spare embryos from IVF instead though ... once we have our family.

 

[aflight84]

A friend of mine offered to do this form should the worse case happen.
I cried when she offered as there aren't many girls out there as selfless as you. It's an amazing gift and if you really think you could give up a baby then you're a great person.
I wish there were more girls out there like you!
Anna

 

[FJL]

I've actually done a bit of reading on surrogacy in Australia and while it varies from country to country, I was really quite shocked with the process.

Before everyone involved (the couple and the surrogate) can do anything, there is of course mandatory counselling in group sessions, but you also have to be evaluated by a psychiatrist, the women must have no hope in hell of conceiving by any means so this basically means that it is a condition such as the woman was born without a uterus or has severe scarring or something like that. It can't even be a case of a woman having multiple miscarriages - there has to be a medically scientific reason and the FS has to do a report stating that there is no way that they woman can carry a child or an embryo can implant (even if you've had insane amounts of IVF attempts) if there is a hint of a glimmer of hope, you're not allowed to venture through surrogacy. The surrogate has to be over the age of 21 and have at least 1 child. Everyone also has to meet with a family/adoption lawyer and he/she has to give an opinion on the case. All of this information is then put to a board and they decide whether or not to allow it.

We have a public health system here in oz called medicare and for a medical IVF cycle (eg, gender selection through IVF is not covered) they cover almost half of the cost. For surrogates, there is NO cover - even private health funds DO NOT cover one cent! I was so shocked by that.

The other thing I was shocked by is that even with legal papers signed and it is the couples biological child, the birth mother will always (surrogate) win in a court of law and can claim the child as hers! I personally think that is wrong because yes, she carried the child but technically its not hers. I can't even imagine how hard it would be to hand the baby over regardless of whether or not the child is biologically hers, but to put a couple who would've been through the ringer already through something like this then not give them what is rightfully theres would just be awful.

Does anyone know any info on surrogacy in different countries? Very interesting indeed.

 

[Zarababy1]

i dont really know too much about it in the UK , only that the couple wanting the baby have to be married, and even if the mothers eggs are used the farther still has to apply for custody of the child, but after talking to my OH about it we've decided once we've had/decided if we want any more children its definatly somthing we'd consider he doesnt want me to do it yet because he does want more children would be scared incase anything happend and i could have anymore and i am still very young! All anyone seems to say is would they be able to hand over the baby after it all, I know i wouldnt have a problem with it, i would only do it on the understanding it was someone elses eggs used i think it would be hard to give up somthing that was a part of me that i had made to someone else but i'd be more than happy too be an oven! Also i'd always want to be a part of the baby life "auntie zara" i'd always like the child to know it grew in me but im not its mummy! I suppose it's would take alot to find a couple who want to do it exactly how i do!

 

[Angelmarie]

I was thinking about this not long ago. My sister in law has lost two babies in a year - one at 29 weeks and one at 38. With her second, her uterus ruptured and it may or may not cause long term problems... Her and her hubby desperately want kids but are now saying they dont know whether they dare try for ay more.
Although I have been ttc for 15 months and want two more children, I thought (without saying anything to anybody) about offering to be a surrogate for them after my family s complete. I would love to but I would seriously doubt how well I would be able to deal with handing over the baby once its born.

If you think that you would be able to deal with it then I think its a great thing to do. I also think that your OH is really admirable for supporting you - I don't suppose many would...?

 

[destiny27]

When I had my youngest son I was going to be a surrogate for my friend, I'm glad i didnt now as it turns out her and her hubby split up and she was bitching about me behind my back.

I loved being pregnant but obviously I'm with my oh now and would love to give him a baby

wouldnt say no to doing it after though