Surrounded by negativity

[Pielette]

My baby is 4 weeks old. I am very proud that breastfeeding has gone really well this time around - I didn't manage to make it work last time and I really wanted to give it a good go this time. We've cracked it, I've come through the insanely painful bit and we've got into a rhythm.

My issue is that I'm surrounded by people telling me to put him on the bottle. He's a very fussy baby (I don't think its a medical issue, it's simply that he wants to be as close to me as possible and doesn't want to be put down). But the world and his dog seem to think its because I'm breastfeeding and 'he's not getting enough' or that he's using the breast for comfort. Which he's not! When he's tired and fussy he doesn't want the breast, he cries to be rocked.

It just drives me nuts. He's gaining weight so well and he's clearly thriving. I had a friend tell me that she couldn't keep her daughter satisfied so at 2 weeks she put her on the bottle. 2 weeks! She was in the stage of building up supply, of course she was feeding non stop. So she told me to do the same thing.

Even my mum doesn't understand, she tried to tell me the other day that scientists couldn't really be sure that breast milk was better than formula.

The one major positive is that my husband is so so supportive. Even though he knows bub would go longer at night and we'd get more sleep etc. He knows how important it is to me and respects it.

How do you ladies put up with this attitude? I think the people in my life just don't understand breastfeeding. I tend to nod and smile then do what I want anyway but its never ending and getting on my nerves now.

 

[JenX]

Are there any breastfeeding groups in your area? We go to one weekly, and it helps me not to feel like a two-headed freak for breastfeeding my baby (as I don't really know anyone outside of the group who breastfeeds).

It is sad that doing the most natural thing is looked upon as odd or wrong, isn't it? It's great that you have support from your husband, though- that is really important. As far as others telling you to give up, do you think they suggest this because it would make them feel better about giving up if you do too?

 

[Bunanie]

I went thru the same thing in the beginning Hun... Everyone asked me, have u got enough milk? Baby is still crying.. Erm, no, she's just tired...

I'm Chinese, the breastfeeding rate in china is ridiculously low, almost everybody assumed they "haven't got enough milk" if they are slim... Growth spurts and building milk supply are unheard of, and cluster feeding? What cluster feeding, just give her formula.

Ppl still bugs me now abt milk supply, but less often, coz they can clearly see my baby thriving and happy.

Just ignore them, I often replied in a pissed off impatient tone, thank you for your concern, no I won't starve my baby..

 

[HisGrace]

I am going through the same thing. My mom thinks breastfeeding is "disgusting". I reminded her that the composition of breast milk is better for baby than formula is. I then reminded her of the time ground up cockroaches were found in powered fornula. Her response was that I should still be giving him a bottle instead of my "nasty" breasts. I don't care about her hangups with breastfeeding. This is the best thing for baby. Our bodies were designed for this. I'm going to my first LLL meeting next week.I can't wait to be around others who know breastfeeding is good for the baby.

 

[Chellxx]

My parents were the same, every negative they could think of was down to bfing. I had a chunky healthy baby who ate every 2-3 hours dayand night (sometimes every hour), she loves mummy snuggles and i was constantly told that she wasnt getting enough (even tho her nappies and weight gain said different) breastmilk was unreliable, time consuming, if i formula fed id have a bit more independence and others would help out more! What they ment was they could sit and feed/cuddle my baby and i could run round fetching them drinks and biscuits!!

I gave up and switched to formula at 9 weeks and dd still fed every 2-3 hours day and night and still only wanted her mummy but now i had the inconvenience of having to prep bottles all hours of the day and night, more pooey nappies and id lost that precious bonding with my girl!

If ANYONE utters "formula, top-ups, just one wont hurt, try her see if it settles her" im gonna thunder punch them in the breast so they know what engourgment feels like!

 

[CupCakeFairy]

I love the thunder punch comment!

It's hard not having support, but it's fantastic that your husband is supportive! You know yourself that you're doing the best thing, and the longer you can, the better!

Fussy babies... I'm sure they're just called babies! Lol! It bothered me the health professionals suggest formula top ups as apposed to ebm (where there is no medical need) and think that if you feel you must give a bottle, for whatever reason, using ebm should be a first

I think at this point, on a bad day, we're 50/50 bf and giving ebm bottles but no formula it's what our bodies were made for! I'd like to see what formula cavewomen gave

You're doing great! Keep at it!

 

[Pielette]

Ah thanks ladies, it helps to talk to like minded people! That's a good idea Jen, I'll have a look and see what I can find in ny area.

I just find it irritating that every problem is apparently down to breastfeeding. In fairness I think they're well meaning, they don't like seeing me so tired and finding it hard to settle him. But I'm certain that's not breastfeeding's fault.

 

[Here_we_go]

I know breastfeeding is best. Best for baby, best for me, best for the household (less trouble with washing all those bottles!) So I could really care less what others think/say.

THEY'RE not the ones that have to feed a lil baby in the middle of the night. THEY'RE not the ones that would be washing or mixing all those bottles. They can take care of their baby their way and I'll take care of my baby my way.

I used to hear sayings like "when you get off that tittie" or "you're not going to be happy with the boob for much longer" when certain family members would talk to my daughter, but I don't anymore. (I heard it at the beginning of breastfeeding, I believe they've given up on converting me ) I just let it go in one ear and out the other

 

[BubsMom17]

I followed some well-intentioned, but misinformed advice about combi feeding with DS and he ended up being switched to formula at 4 months because he was a frequent night waker. Not a frequent night feeder, but a night-waker.
I was told, "Oh give him formula before bed! It will help him sleep longer!"
Well... no it didn't. It made no difference whatsoever. All it did was lower my supply and cost us money... I have learned so much since then that I am determined to give breastmilk exclusively for 6 months this time, and continue to give breastmilk until a year (or more if I can!). Until my family and friends have spent the hours of research I have done, I will stick with what I know.

Keep giving your baby breastmilk! It is BEST for baby, best for your bank account, best for the environment, and best for you! You have OUR support, as well as your hubbies!

 

[Spiffynoodles]

I'm glad to hear that breastfeeding is going so well for you! I'm sorry that Milo is fussing a lot for you. Liam does that, too. At first I was worried that it was because he wasn't getting enough milk, but now I think he just has trouble with trapped gas.

I hope that people start realizing that you're serious about breastfeeding and leave you alone. Thank goodness your DH is supportive, though!

 

[Joygrrr]

I followed some well-intentioned, but misinformed advice about combi feeding with DS and he ended up being switched to formula at 4 months because he was a frequent night waker. Not a frequent night feeder, but a night-waker.
I was told, "Oh give him formula before bed! It will help him sleep longer!"
Well... no it didn't. It made no difference whatsoever. All it did was lower my supply and cost us money... I have learned so much since then that I am determined to give breastmilk exclusively for 6 months this time, and continue to give breastmilk until a year (or more if I can!). Until my family and friends have spent the hours of research I have done, I will stick with what I know.

Keep giving your baby breastmilk! It is BEST for baby, best for your bank account, best for the environment, and best for you! You have OUR support, as well as your hubbies!

Sorry to hi jack this post but this is us right now - LO is 4 months and has gone from ok sleeping (5-6 hours) to up every hour n half, was told combi feeding is the answer , LO will not take the bottle so is still on BM anyway but I'm starting to struggle big time with the night feeds, what can I do? I've tried settling him without the boo but he just ends up crying and I don't want that, my supply seems to have petered off too

 

[Bunanie]

I followed some well-intentioned, but misinformed advice about combi feeding with DS and he ended up being switched to formula at 4 months because he was a frequent night waker. Not a frequent night feeder, but a night-waker.
I was told, "Oh give him formula before bed! It will help him sleep longer!"
Well... no it didn't. It made no difference whatsoever. All it did was lower my supply and cost us money... I have learned so much since then that I am determined to give breastmilk exclusively for 6 months this time, and continue to give breastmilk until a year (or more if I can!). Until my family and friends have spent the hours of research I have done, I will stick with what I know.

Keep giving your baby breastmilk! It is BEST for baby, best for your bank account, best for the environment, and best for you! You have OUR support, as well as your hubbies!

Sorry to hi jack this post but this is us right now - LO is 4 months and has gone from ok sleeping (5-6 hours) to up every hour n half, was told combi feeding is the answer , LO will not take the bottle so is still on BM anyway but I'm starting to struggle big time with the night feeds, what can I do? I've tried settling him without the boo but he just ends up crying and I don't want that, my supply seems to have petered off too

It's the dreaded 4 month sleep regression, nothing to do with formula etc, there's heaps of sleep disturbances around this time. My dd was the same, she was learning to roll over from back to tummy, she was waking hourly to eat, genuinely hungry, I guess she was building/growing her muscles to meet that milestone. Took two long weeks to settle back to normal.

It's really tough, hang in there!

 

[SarahBear]

I'm lucky enough to have never had to deal with that negativity, but if someone was trying to tell me that Violet was "just using it for comfort," I'd just say "Well yeah, that's what babies do." And if I was given "advice" about which is better, I'd just say "Breast is best, so that's what I do. Besides, it's free and so much easier." Maybe sometimes I'd say something like "I can't imagine the inconvenience of having to prepare a bottle or buy formula." Just know that you're doing the best for your baby! Perhaps you could find a breastfeeding friendly parenting group? Hang in there and congrats on getting it to work this time around, that's so exciting for you!

 

[DaisyAnne]

I had this a lot in the beginning, esp since we had tons of troubles the first 7 weeks of breastfeeding, people told me all the time to just give him a bottle. We had to do it some because of some of the issues we had, and that made it worse since everyone kept wanting to give him the bottle all the time instead of as a last resort. We got over that, I became more comfortable and confident in what we were doing, and others eventually stopped pushing us in that area and moved on to other things, haha! I feel like it's taken me a bit to get used to all the unhelpful advice and negativity that parents (especially first-timers) are subjected to. You don't have to argue it or make your point, just stand your ground and feel comfortable in your own choices. I think that goes for all manner of things when it comes to parenting!

 

[ttc bubby no2]

It must be hard hearing those kinds of comments all the time. I think as long as you know what you are doing is best for your baby that is all that matters.

I have been pretty set in my own mind that I would exclusively breast feed and although my first wasn't always a settled baby he did gain weight well and had plenty of wet nappies so I was happy he had enough milk. When he was unsettled I knew it was from being overstimulated or overtired and never let myself blame my milk.

Family soon got to realise I was adamant on breastfeeding. When I told my mum I was going to feed him until at least 12 months she said "oh wait until he gets teeth"... that just made me more determined lol.

Now I tend to get comments about the fact that I am STILL breastfeeding. Last time I feed in front of my MIL she said she was surprised there was anything left in them... yep it just suddenly runs out when they get over 12 months. I don't think my mum is too keen on the idea that I am feeding a 22 month old but personally I don't care, I am doing what is right for my baby (ok toddler but he is still my little 16kg baby lol)

It is great that you have a supportive husband as that is the main person you have around you, so just ignore everyone else and keep it up!