Suze
Mummy to Ava & Oscar
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- Oct 12, 2008
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Well is seems like I was pregnant for ever, I was off and on for 18 months having lost 2 angels before finally on Tuesday 1.11.11 my earth baby arrived!
PAL is difficult, I tried my hardest to take it in my stride and enjoy it/embrace it and be thankful for being blessed once again with a pregnancy, but would I make it through this time? I wasn't sure. I has two scares at 10 and 12 weeks and was sure the arrival of spotting meant once again my baby wouldn't make it....but he did and he's here!
So here's how it went, I'm going to be detailed and frank about it so look away now if you wanted to read a hearts and flowers birth story
I was due on Monday 31st October, by my scan, by dates I was due 3rd November but was happy to go along with the scan date as any acceleration in the pregnancy was most welcome indeed!
Friday 28th October:
everything is done, house has been nested (several times), last minute purchases of a cot mobile and baby sling made. I even bought a couple of girl and boy clothes as we're on team
again! I had a 'feeling' this tea time, a wave of emotion swept over me at tea time and I just thought something was going to happen....no contractions or anything though 
Saturday 29th October:
we're at a Halloween party and my little girl Ava is making me proud in amongst the other less well behaved children I do actually feel a bit crampy, nothing major just s few period type pains. I feel we should probably be on 'amber' alert and spend a lot of the evening bouncing on the ball to see if anything materialises. I felt really emotional again, just gearing up I think, excitement, nerves and thinking about the 2 babies I'd lost in the last 19 months, especially Joe at 17 weeks who I'd had to deliver......nothing progresses
Sunday 30th October:
still feeling a bit crampy but only later in the day and strangely more do when I'm sitting than moving around. I spend a couple of hours at my mums and
tell her I feel cranpy and something *may* be starting. In the evening mark,
ava and I go out for some food and while we're there I feel the cramps have
turned into something more and there seems to be a bit of a 15 minute
pattern going on. Mark looked slightly horrified in the middle of his steak but I assured him nothing was imminent! We got home and bathed Ava and put her to bed. I held her so tight as I just wondered if this would be the last time I'd cuddle her as a mummy of 1. Again I spent the evening on the ball, hoping for things to progress, they didn't and I was quite disappointed. We'd already decided that mark would stay off work the next day. I barfly slept as I was having some intermittent pains. Mark and I had an argument too as I was getting frustrated and he felt I was being impatient! High emotions!
Monday 31st October:
Today is my official due date
but im feeling a little despondent as i thought labour was imminent but seems to have subsuded. I woke after very
little sleep and decided to go to the midwife drop in to see if they would
examine me and perhaps give a little hope that something was going on. I was examined and no dilatation to speak of, just the 1-2cm from the previous week due to previous pregnancy/birth although she said my cervix was now soft
and gave me a sweep.
I came home and had some more sleep and then lots of cuddles on the settee with Ava
Bu around 4 things started up again, a lot more painful now and what I would call real contractions, the ones that you can't speak in the middle of. Mark pointed out they were coming roughly every 10-15 minutes. Trick or treaters were coming to the door, I said mark would have to answe them or I'd scare them off 
The pains were increasing now, Ava would rub my back when I was leaning over the settee having one and would say "are you alright love?" as daddy had just said to me
Just after tea we took the decision to take Ava to my mums for the night, I wasn't so comfortable about her seeing me in so much pain and I was hoping they'd ramp up a gear and just felt we should be organised. Ava thought it ws a great adventure going out with her little suitcase in her pj's to my mums
I found it very emotional saying goodbye to her, thinking it would be the last time I'd see her before she had a brother or sister.
Mark and I got home and made sure everything we needed for hospital was ready. Contractions were still coming and still bend over the settee uncomfortable but no need yet for the tens machine nor no groaning grunting noise coming from me I went to bed at 11 thinking I *may* be able to sleep, but no that wasn't an option at all, despite there not feeling like a huge amount of progression. I spent a lot of time moaning on my journal on here and feeling like I was getting everyone's hopes up, including mine for nothing
To be continued.......baby to attend to!
Tuesday 1st November:
During the night at around 3am the contractions did reach the point at which I was starting to make those attractive groaning noises and was using a little cushion to bite into every time I was getting one! They were about every 10 minutes but even after a couple of hours they didn't really get much closer together although were extremely painful. At about 5am Mark got up and we started thinking about making our way to the hospital although I have to say I still was thinking I hadn't progressed enough
I was sooo tired by this point though, not having slept the previous night either. So we got stuff together and set off for the hospital at 7am.
We got to the hospital which is only 10 minutes away and got examined...only 2-3 cm which I was dissapointed about but kind of expected. The midwife said it would happen today and that it was up to us whether we hung around at the hospital or went home...we decided we'd be more comfy going home.
As we left the carpark it was sunny and I felt very calm and excited that later today I would have my baby, The song 'Videogames' by Lana Del Ray was playing and has since become 'his song'
We got home and I decided to have a bath, I knew there was a high chance this would slow the contractions down and it did but that enabled me to get a much needed half hour sleep. I was woken by more contractions, again getting stronger in intensity but still not massively closer in frequency. There appeared to be no consistency nor pattern and at times being mobile got them going again, at times being still did
I was soo tired and feeling a little panicked by this. I had some toast which seemed to start things up again, like fueling my body but still no massive progression
I then started thinking about medical intervention to get things moving like having my waters broken but knew that the midwife led unit would not do this. I got Mark to ring them and ask and they confirmed this. Mark then suggested we go back for an examination, we kind of didnt know what to do really and I was at my wits end!
So midday off we go again, I was examined and was still 2-3cm I totally broke down and asked what they could do, just wait was the answer, there was no medical need for breaking waters and it's kind of not their thing at that hospital with it being midwife led rather than medical based. It was suggested that maybe I should do the bath and bed thing again and that this slow progression was down to my body being tired and needing any rest I could get. I asked for them to arrange for me to go to the other hospital (consultant led) as I wanted intervention, in fact I'm sure I was saying to Mark that I wanted an epidural and/or a caeserian The hospital arranged for me to go up but said I had to prepare myself for a. a long wait and b. that they might not do anything - Mark was really reluctant to go but I was set on the idea, I felt quite frankly shattered and desperate! Mark knew how important it was to me to have a spontaneous birth at the local hospital without pain relief/meds where possible so looking back he helped that happen.
1.30pm As we leave the hospital Mark was saying he wanted to see Ava, she was obviously fine with my Mum but he wanted to go and see her. I wanted to see her too but wasnt too sure about IF she should see me like this, nor my Mum. But we went and Ava was unperterbed by my 'state'! I just stayed in my Mums bedroom bending over the bed. I think my Mum was shocked by the whole thing and didnt like to see me in so much pain. Mark was still holding back about going up to the other hospital but I said we should go. We left my Mums and by this point I couldnt really walk!
2.45pm : Mark decided we should just go back to the hospital rather than take the half hour drive to the other one. I was examined and hallelujah I was 3-4cm The midwife said we could stay and I could go in the bath and have some Entonox I wasn't really into the Entonox with Ava but I did get into it this time and was actually quite relaxed in the bath drinking Coke on Entonox I was even making jokes about being in the bath with toe fluff from my socks and bloody mucous plug
Contractions were increasing now
5.15pm: my waters went in the bath with a pop and I just happened to be looking down and it was quite impressive to see it all come out! A little while later I felt it was time to get out the bath, I was wrinkly. When I got put the bath I got Mark to look at my bum - before I had Ava we were told about the red line that you get up the crack of your bum when you're fully dilated and it was there when I was fully with her - it was there this time too
5.45pm: I got taken to the delivery room and asked for pain relief, the midwife said she'd examine me and said I was a good 8-9cm and so pain relief wouldn't be great at this stage - they always say this don't they at this point
5.55 the midwife suggested that I get on the birthing ball but I felt I didn't want to, as through my contractions I had felt most comfortable on my knees bending forward so said I wanted to get on all fours. I got on the bed and faced the back of the bed and bit on the top of the bed every time I was getting a contraction. I had it in my head that as the midwofe said I was only 8-9cm I wasn't ready to push but I did feel pressure and was asked if I wanted to push and I felt I did....to my horror I pooped
I probably could have gotten away with it as Mark was at the top of the bed rather than behind me but I announced it
I then felt more pressure and just decided to go for it. I remember with Ava finding pushing the easiest when I put my chin to my chest and Mark reminded me of this. I put all my effort into it and pushed, it felt like I was turning myself inside out actually!
I could feel something coming and was asking if anything was happening, I then felt the 'ring of fire' which wasn't as bad as with Ava, perhaps to do with my position and then I could feel the head coming out, warm and slippery. I stopped and waited for the next contraction....
6.08: I felt the rest of the baby slither out of me and felt immediate relief. I looked down and in between my legs by my knees was my screaming warm wet baby. I reached down and picked the baby up, Mark was in tears and immediately I looked and saw that we had a little boy
"It's a boy I said" and of course the tears flowed. I lifted Oscar up to me and kissed his wet screaming little face, said hello and cuddled him in straight away
I remained in that position on my knees with him for about 10 minutes just holding him as we waited for the cord to stop pulsating and then I turned onto my back with him so that I could deliver the placenta. Again I really liked the feel of that, it was soothing! Mark then cut the cord. It was all really beautiful and natural and I suppose the closest thing to delivering your own baby as the midwife was very much in the background....just how I had hoped it would work out but even better.
I was then checked over and I did need stitches, just a perineal tear and so that was done which was fine really. All the time I was holding my little warm wet boy against my skin. Within half an hour he'd made his way over to my breast and tried to latch on. I was totally amazed becasue all of a sudden I felt that familiar feeling and said to Mark "he's feeding!" He stayed there for over an hour having a good feed as we looked at him in utter amazement and adoration
We then had tea and toast and Oscar was weighed - 8lb 6oz which I was quite surprised at! I had a shower and after about 2 hours of being in the delivery room we went to our room for our first night together.
I am utterly in love with him, I can't believe after all the heartache of loss we have a beautiful baby boy. I feel really complete now having a girl and a boy, even though I didn't think this mattered to me during the pregnancy. I don't think I realised how unhappy I have been until now, I am in tears of happiness writing this so am just going to finish with a couple of pictures, not Facebook pictures but the 'real' pictures! The first one is just after delivery where he was still 'attached' and I am still in the position of birth......
PAL is difficult, I tried my hardest to take it in my stride and enjoy it/embrace it and be thankful for being blessed once again with a pregnancy, but would I make it through this time? I wasn't sure. I has two scares at 10 and 12 weeks and was sure the arrival of spotting meant once again my baby wouldn't make it....but he did and he's here!
So here's how it went, I'm going to be detailed and frank about it so look away now if you wanted to read a hearts and flowers birth story
I was due on Monday 31st October, by my scan, by dates I was due 3rd November but was happy to go along with the scan date as any acceleration in the pregnancy was most welcome indeed!
Friday 28th October:
everything is done, house has been nested (several times), last minute purchases of a cot mobile and baby sling made. I even bought a couple of girl and boy clothes as we're on team
again! I had a 'feeling' this tea time, a wave of emotion swept over me at tea time and I just thought something was going to happen....no contractions or anything though Saturday 29th October:
we're at a Halloween party and my little girl Ava is making me proud in amongst the other less well behaved children
I do actually feel a bit crampy, nothing major just s few period type pains. I feel we should probably be on 'amber' alert and spend a lot of the evening bouncing on the ball to see if anything materialises. I felt really emotional again, just gearing up I think, excitement, nerves and thinking about the 2 babies I'd lost in the last 19 months, especially Joe at 17 weeks who I'd had to deliver......nothing progresses Sunday 30th October:
still feeling a bit crampy but only later in the day and strangely more do when I'm sitting than moving around. I spend a couple of hours at my mums and
tell her I feel cranpy and something *may* be starting. In the evening mark,
ava and I go out for some food and while we're there I feel the cramps have
turned into something more and there seems to be a bit of a 15 minute
pattern going on. Mark looked slightly horrified in the middle of his steak but I assured him nothing was imminent! We got home and bathed Ava and put her to bed. I held her so tight as I just wondered if this would be the last time I'd cuddle her as a mummy of 1. Again I spent the evening on the ball, hoping for things to progress, they didn't and I was quite disappointed. We'd already decided that mark would stay off work the next day. I barfly slept as I was having some intermittent pains. Mark and I had an argument too as I was getting frustrated and he felt I was being impatient! High emotions!
Monday 31st October:
Today is my official due date
but im feeling a little despondent as i thought labour was imminent but seems to have subsuded. I woke after very little sleep and decided to go to the midwife drop in to see if they would
examine me and perhaps give a little hope that something was going on. I was examined and no dilatation to speak of, just the 1-2cm from the previous week due to previous pregnancy/birth although she said my cervix was now soft
and gave me a sweep. I came home and had some more sleep and then lots of cuddles on the settee with Ava
Bu around 4 things started up again, a lot more painful now and what I would call real contractions, the ones that you can't speak in the middle of. Mark pointed out they were coming roughly every 10-15 minutes. Trick or treaters were coming to the door, I said mark would have to answe them or I'd scare them off The pains were increasing now, Ava would rub my back when I was leaning over the settee having one and would say "are you alright love?" as daddy had just said to me Just after tea we took the decision to take Ava to my mums for the night, I wasn't so comfortable about her seeing me in so much pain and I was hoping they'd ramp up a gear and just felt we should be organised. Ava thought it ws a great adventure going out with her little suitcase in her pj's to my mums
I found it very emotional saying goodbye to her, thinking it would be the last time I'd see her before she had a brother or sister. Mark and I got home and made sure everything we needed for hospital was ready. Contractions were still coming and still bend over the settee uncomfortable but no need yet for the tens machine nor no groaning grunting noise coming from me
I went to bed at 11 thinking I *may* be able to sleep, but no that wasn't an option at all, despite there not feeling like a huge amount of progression. I spent a lot of time moaning on my journal on here and feeling like I was getting everyone's hopes up, including mine for nothing To be continued.......baby to attend to!
Tuesday 1st November:
During the night at around 3am the contractions did reach the point at which I was starting to make those attractive groaning noises and was using a little cushion to bite into every time I was getting one! They were about every 10 minutes but even after a couple of hours they didn't really get much closer together although were extremely painful. At about 5am Mark got up and we started thinking about making our way to the hospital although I have to say I still was thinking I hadn't progressed enough
I was sooo tired by this point though, not having slept the previous night either. So we got stuff together and set off for the hospital at 7am.We got to the hospital which is only 10 minutes away and got examined...only 2-3 cm which I was dissapointed about but kind of expected. The midwife said it would happen today and that it was up to us whether we hung around at the hospital or went home...we decided we'd be more comfy going home.
As we left the carpark it was sunny and I felt very calm and excited that later today I would have my baby, The song 'Videogames' by Lana Del Ray was playing and has since become 'his song'
We got home and I decided to have a bath, I knew there was a high chance this would slow the contractions down and it did but that enabled me to get a much needed half hour sleep. I was woken by more contractions, again getting stronger in intensity but still not massively closer in frequency. There appeared to be no consistency nor pattern and at times being mobile got them going again, at times being still did
I was soo tired and feeling a little panicked by this. I had some toast which seemed to start things up again, like fueling my body but still no massive progression
I then started thinking about medical intervention to get things moving like having my waters broken but knew that the midwife led unit would not do this. I got Mark to ring them and ask and they confirmed this. Mark then suggested we go back for an examination, we kind of didnt know what to do really and I was at my wits end!So midday off we go again, I was examined and was still 2-3cm
I totally broke down and asked what they could do, just wait was the answer, there was no medical need for breaking waters and it's kind of not their thing at that hospital with it being midwife led rather than medical based. It was suggested that maybe I should do the bath and bed thing again and that this slow progression was down to my body being tired and needing any rest I could get. I asked for them to arrange for me to go to the other hospital (consultant led) as I wanted intervention, in fact I'm sure I was saying to Mark that I wanted an epidural and/or a caeserian The hospital arranged for me to go up but said I had to prepare myself for a. a long wait and b. that they might not do anything - Mark was really reluctant to go but I was set on the idea, I felt quite frankly shattered and desperate! Mark knew how important it was to me to have a spontaneous birth at the local hospital without pain relief/meds where possible so looking back he helped that happen.1.30pm As we leave the hospital Mark was saying he wanted to see Ava, she was obviously fine with my Mum but he wanted to go and see her. I wanted to see her too but wasnt too sure about IF she should see me like this, nor my Mum. But we went and Ava was unperterbed by my 'state'! I just stayed in my Mums bedroom bending over the bed. I think my Mum was shocked by the whole thing and didnt like to see me in so much pain. Mark was still holding back about going up to the other hospital but I said we should go. We left my Mums and by this point I couldnt really walk!
2.45pm : Mark decided we should just go back to the hospital rather than take the half hour drive to the other one. I was examined and hallelujah I was 3-4cm
The midwife said we could stay and I could go in the bath and have some Entonox I wasn't really into the Entonox with Ava but I did get into it this time and was actually quite relaxed in the bath drinking Coke on Entonox I was even making jokes about being in the bath with toe fluff from my socks and bloody mucous plug Contractions were increasing now
5.15pm: my waters went in the bath with a pop and I just happened to be looking down and it was quite impressive to see it all come out! A little while later I felt it was time to get out the bath, I was wrinkly. When I got put the bath I got Mark to look at my bum - before I had Ava we were told about the red line that you get up the crack of your bum when you're fully dilated and it was there when I was fully with her - it was there this time too
5.45pm: I got taken to the delivery room and asked for pain relief, the midwife said she'd examine me and said I was a good 8-9cm and so pain relief wouldn't be great at this stage - they always say this don't they at this point
5.55 the midwife suggested that I get on the birthing ball but I felt I didn't want to, as through my contractions I had felt most comfortable on my knees bending forward so said I wanted to get on all fours. I got on the bed and faced the back of the bed and bit on the top of the bed every time I was getting a contraction. I had it in my head that as the midwofe said I was only 8-9cm I wasn't ready to push but I did feel pressure and was asked if I wanted to push and I felt I did....to my horror I pooped
I probably could have gotten away with it as Mark was at the top of the bed rather than behind me but I announced it I then felt more pressure and just decided to go for it. I remember with Ava finding pushing the easiest when I put my chin to my chest and Mark reminded me of this. I put all my effort into it and pushed, it felt like I was turning myself inside out actually!
I could feel something coming and was asking if anything was happening, I then felt the 'ring of fire' which wasn't as bad as with Ava, perhaps to do with my position and then I could feel the head coming out, warm and slippery. I stopped and waited for the next contraction....
6.08: I felt the rest of the baby slither out of me and felt immediate relief. I looked down and in between my legs by my knees was my screaming warm wet baby. I reached down and picked the baby up, Mark was in tears and immediately I looked and saw that we had a little boy
"It's a boy I said" and of course the tears flowed. I lifted Oscar up to me and kissed his wet screaming little face, said hello and cuddled him in straight away I remained in that position on my knees with him for about 10 minutes just holding him as we waited for the cord to stop pulsating and then I turned onto my back with him so that I could deliver the placenta. Again I really liked the feel of that, it was soothing! Mark then cut the cord. It was all really beautiful and natural and I suppose the closest thing to delivering your own baby as the midwife was very much in the background....just how I had hoped it would work out but even better.
I was then checked over and I did need stitches, just a perineal tear and so that was done which was fine really. All the time I was holding my little warm wet boy against my skin. Within half an hour he'd made his way over to my breast and tried to latch on. I was totally amazed becasue all of a sudden I felt that familiar feeling and said to Mark "he's feeding!" He stayed there for over an hour having a good feed as we looked at him in utter amazement and adoration
We then had tea and toast and Oscar was weighed - 8lb 6oz which I was quite surprised at! I had a shower and after about 2 hours of being in the delivery room we went to our room for our first night together.
I am utterly in love with him, I can't believe after all the heartache of loss we have a beautiful baby boy. I feel really complete now having a girl and a boy, even though I didn't think this mattered to me during the pregnancy. I don't think I realised how unhappy I have been until now, I am in tears of happiness writing this so am just going to finish with a couple of pictures, not Facebook pictures but the 'real' pictures! The first one is just after delivery where he was still 'attached' and I am still in the position of birth......
Your photos are wonderful and your little Oscar is such a gorgeous little boy. Congratulations!! xx
amazing sue ur bloody fantastic, tears again uv got me in 
Fantastic birth story hun! I love the pics too, he really is beautiful just like Ava 
