Taking things for granted....

[meldmac]

Sorry this is a bit of a rant...

I'm so sick of not being able to have a normal pregnancy and not being able to enjoy being pregnant. I just keep reading about complaints about normal pregnancy stuff and think to myself that I wish that is all I had to worry about. I wish people wouldn't take what they have for granted. I would do anything to have my innocence back but even when I did I didn't stick my head in the sand and pretend that bad things didn't happen. I would do anything to have those moments when I was pregnant with Devin back and just feel like shouting at people who complain about every little thing that seems so little now. I know I did it too, it just makes me mad now that I didn't enjoy the time I was pregnant with Devin more. It also makes me wish I could enjoy this pregnancy more. I have a really hard time sometimes reading the regular pregnancy boards because I can't get past the fact that I would love that the biggest problem I had to face was heartburn or constipation. I hate that my innocence has been taken away and it's really ruined any pregnancy experience I may have now. People complaining about to much movement, I would do anything in the world right now to have that. I would put up with being up all night from this, instead I'm up all night worrying about thinking whether I have enough movement or not. Sure I get the same symptoms everyone else is complaining about...but I try and consider myself lucky that I actually have pregnancy symptoms. It's when they go away that I'll be terrified. I'm just so sad about this right now

Sorry for the rant ladies.

 

[x-amy-x]

I know how you feel hun...

 

[Las78]

Aw hun, try and ignore those posts. I don't think until you've had a mc you can actually understand so they are possibly living in ignorance of that and to be fair I'm glad for them they haven't had to go through it.

Keep strong and don't pay any attention, I just keep away from those threads as they can be upsetting x

 

[Hoolie]

Yes I feel very much the same. And it also annoys me when all people ask me is whether I know what I'm having. They are so divorced from the way that I'm feeling. It's not something me or OH think about. All we want is for our baby to arrive safely and be healthy.

Alex

 

[lauraperrysan]

i know how u feel, however i must admit sometimes i do have a moan about stuff but i most definately do not take this baby for granted. it's only normal for you to worry after what you went thro with Devin and it's hard to be positive all the time.
also someone asked me the other day, do u want a girl or a boy.....my reply, as long as my baby is alive it could be an alien and i would still love it.....
thinking of you xxx

 

[meldmac]

Of course everyone has moans and I don't begrudge anyone who does. I just wish of all things that the things most people moan about were the only things I or anyone who've experienced a loss had to worry about. I want to have a normal pregnancy and that has been ripped away from me. I want to be excited about going out and buying things for baby, instead I'm worried should I even bother? Am I going to have a baby at the end of this or am I going to be heartbroken again?

 

[lauraperrysan]

Of course everyone has moans and I don't begrudge anyone who does. I just wish of all things that the things most people moan about were the only things I or anyone who've experienced a loss had to worry about. I want to have a normal pregnancy and that has been ripped away from me. I want to be excited about going out and buying things for baby, instead I'm worried should I even bother? Am I going to have a baby at the end of this or am I going to be heartbroken again?

oh hun, i pray you will never go thro that heartache again of course no one can say for sure 100% but surely the chances of suffering such a late loss again must be tiny. Of course you will never truely believe it until ur lil one is in your arms and crying really loud..... Are you having extra scans to check everything is going ok and for reassurance?
xxxxx

 

[meldmac]

I will have my 20 week scan this week then another one at 26 weeks and at 30 weeks and my doc says one every 2 weeks after that until birth. It's reassuring but I'm going to be so nervous between the 20 and 26 week scan. I know it doesn't seem like that long of a time but time right now seems to be dragging for me. I just wish I could fast forward this pregnancy.

 

[im_mi]

i cannot imagine how hard it must be to be pregnant after such a late loss. I would feel just the same, like whats the point of getting excited, whats the point of buying baby things etc. You feel robbed of the joyous experience you deserve to have, and its okay to grieve for that hun. xxx

 

[Drazic<3]

Like Im mI, I can't imagine how much this must hurt after going through what you have. You have every single right to feel like you do - I have felt like it so often and my hurt is not in the same world. You want to scream at these girls and just shake them and remind them how LUCKY they are!

I wish I could fast forward time darling, and promise you everything will be okay. We are all here for you 110% and will be until you hold that beautiful screaming baby in your arms. Anytime.

 

[Jox]

Sorry this is a bit of a rant...

I'm so sick of not being able to have a normal pregnancy and not being able to enjoy being pregnant. I just keep reading about complaints about normal pregnancy stuff and think to myself that I wish that is all I had to worry about. I wish people wouldn't take what they have for granted. I would do anything to have my innocence back but even when I did I didn't stick my head in the sand and pretend that bad things didn't happen. I would do anything to have those moments when I was pregnant with Devin back and just feel like shouting at people who complain about every little thing that seems so little now. I know I did it too, it just makes me mad now that I didn't enjoy the time I was pregnant with Devin more. It also makes me wish I could enjoy this pregnancy more. I have a really hard time sometimes reading the regular pregnancy boards because I can't get past the fact that I would love that the biggest problem I had to face was heartburn or constipation. I hate that my innocence has been taken away and it's really ruined any pregnancy experience I may have now. People complaining about to much movement, I would do anything in the world right now to have that. I would put up with being up all night from this, instead I'm up all night worrying about thinking whether I have enough movement or not. Sure I get the same symptoms everyone else is complaining about...but I try and consider myself lucky that I actually have pregnancy symptoms. It's when they go away that I'll be terrified. I'm just so sad about this right now

Sorry for the rant ladies.

I understand completely...wish I didnt

Im already struggling with reading posts in first tri but I try to go in there just to try and put abit of 'normality' into this pregnancy.

I loved my pregnancy with Kasper...every moment of it because i didnt have any problems...no MS, slept fine, no back ache, no stretch marks etc...not until we found out he had gone.

I wish I could enjoy this pregnancy but i know from the moment I am feeling Beanie kick i will be obsessing over when the last kick was. Having a baby is now not about the fun of TTC or the fun of being pregnant...it is all about praying we get to hold our babys screaming their little heads off at the end of it!!!!

I do know how you feel x

 

[lauraperrysan]

I will have my 20 week scan this week then another one at 26 weeks and at 30 weeks and my doc says one every 2 weeks after that until birth. It's reassuring but I'm going to be so nervous between the 20 and 26 week scan. I know it doesn't seem like that long of a time but time right now seems to be dragging for me. I just wish I could fast forward this pregnancy.

oh im so glad they are looking after you.....at least between 20 and 26 weeks you'll start to get some reassuring kicks to let u know ur lil one is ok. pregnancy must be very difficult after a late loss and it's a very long time to pass 'milestones' and even then u will prob still worry until you give birth. you have every right to feel as u are when women post about silly things that to them are 'big' because they breeze thro a worry free pregnancy. that me never be u or me BUT one thing is for sure, we will always know what a precious gift a baby is and one nobody should take for granted.
we're all here for you if u want to rant, cry, shout etc....
thinking of you xxx

 

[dizzy65]

i know how you feel i am looking for every sign that somethings goina go wrong and i envy people that have never had a problem in there pregnancy. this pregnancy has been really good. but i just get worked up over stuff . i also would give anything to have my innocence back

 

[Lexi mummy]

sending you massive i know how you feel hun. i find it hard when i hear people moaning or people getting upset because they didnt get the sex tht they wanted and it hurts a lot. like you say i did moan too when i was pregnant with lexi i took for granted that once past that magice 12 weeks all would be ok. we learnt the hard way that no baby is ever garunteed.

i lost lexi at almost 34 weeks so not far off when you lost devin and when you lose a baby that late on no one can understand unless they have been through it. i am now at the stage where lexi stopped growing and around 32 weeks it when she died and im just so scared. i know all to well just how awful the thought is that i could be told again "sorry your baby is dead" at any point. give birth silently again and arrange a funeral. its so scary it doesnt even bare thinking about because you just dont know how you can survive losing a child again.

i wish i could offer some proper advice. i guess what i try to do is allow myself moments of happiness just so if things do go wrong i can look back and say that i did enjoy moments and i did give lacey the same kind of attention and excitment that i gave lexi. its so hard though. if i buy things i think OMG this is going to be harder and harder if things go wrong.

thinking of you xx

 

[Carmello_01]

I always thought it would be great if pregnancy after loss could come with a 'letter guaranteeing a beautiful,screaming bub' at the end...

Obviously that is a ridiculous thought,but one I have pretty frequently nonetheless! The innocence is gone,and the fight for the hope to stay too is sometimes so immense. This section and the wonderful angel mums in it are an absolute pillar of strength.