Talk me down, ladies! ...Or is this a good idea?

[jessie_m]

I have a 6 1/2 year old from a previous relationship, and I’ve been with a wonderful man for about 8 months that I met in school 3 years ago. Discussions we’ve had point to a proposal coming soon, like the next month or two.

We both know we want kids, and he is fantastic with my DD (even when she’s being a turd). He is so calm and level headed. I’ve never met a man like him.

Here’s the thing. We both graduate with our doctorates around this coming August. We are going to move across the state and I plan on opening a practice with a family member, and he is getting a job in another practice.

Part of me is thinking that I’d like to start ttc like... soon. I have the copper IUD, so I’d like to get it out in the next month and ttc the month after. The other part of me thinks it’s too early in the relationship and we’ll have so much going on.

Here’s why I’m thinking starting now-ish would be a good idea:
-I always wanted kids close in age, but my DD’s father (my ex) wouldn’t allow any more children. I know DD is 6 1/2, but my older sister was 6 years older than me and we got along great!
-I don’t want to be getting up in age and still raising kids (and I don’t mean that to be offensive to anyone AT ALL, it’s just not what I want). I’m 26 (I know, not that old), but he wants at least 2 or 3 and I’d like to be done having kids before 35.
-Having my own practice will take a lot of time, but in the first few months it will still be somewhat slow and hours will be more flexible. By the time we want to start trying for a second, we will be in a better financial situation to hire a nanny or something if need be. If we wait to try for our first until we’re in a better financial situation, then that’ll easily be another 3 years that we’d be waiting to ttc.
-It took 3 years before I got pregnant with my DD. Granted we weren’t trying to get pregnant, but we weren’t protecting ourselves at all. I was a young, dumb teenager and was told I had PCOS which I didn’t understand at the time. It wasn’t explained to me that PCOS does not mean infertile. Obviously I get it now, but I’m concerned that it could take a while to get pregnant considering I’m 26 now (again, I know that’s not old, but I don’t know how fertility is affected with PCOS + age).

Anyway, the downsides are:
-Length of the relationship
-We wouldn’t be married yet
-If I got pregnant in the next 8 months, then I’d be pregnant while finishing up my degree
-Finances would be somewhat tight (he’d have a job, but I’d be starting from scratch)

What do you guys think? I’m trying to be logical, but baby fever makes it so hard!

 

[xMissxZoiex]

In your position I would be thinking

Did I have a straight forward pregnancy the first time - is yes then likely things would be smooth the second and you could finish your degree fairly easily.

Could you allow enough down time between finishing your degree and starting your practice.

Could you afford it, do you have student fees to pay back or will you have a paycheck before your practice is established and can you afford a baby in with all that.

Maybe it would be perfect timing, but no doubt it wont be easy being pregnant and finishing school but not impossible. You have to think of the what IFS what if you get put on bedrest thorugh your pregnancy, how would that work.

Good luck!. X

 

[jessie_m]

In your position I would be thinking

Did I have a straight forward pregnancy the first time - is yes then likely things would be smooth the second and you could finish your degree fairly easily.

Could you allow enough down time between finishing your degree and starting your practice.

Could you afford it, do you have student fees to pay back or will you have a paycheck before your practice is established and can you afford a baby in with all that.

Maybe it would be perfect timing, but no doubt it wont be easy being pregnant and finishing school but not impossible. You have to think of the what IFS what if you get put on bedrest thorugh your pregnancy, how would that work.

Good luck!. X

That is good stuff to think about, thank you.

My pregnancy last time was straight forward. I had morning sickness for 20 weeks, but that was about it.

The down time between finishing my degree and starting the practice would likely be a month or two, and then it would take 3-6 months to really pick up steam. That’s why I’m thinking it would be ideal. Many women in my profession often bring their kids to work with them. I plan on having a practice based around pregnancy and pediatrics and serving families (without going into too much detail) so my office will see a lot of that population. So having a child in the office occasionally wouldn’t be horrible for business as I see it all the time in practices I shadow.

My last semester in school (when I’d ideally be pregnant) would be an internship that wouldn’t last the entire semester and would only be about 20-25 hours a week. So it’s not like I’d be going to class and working 40 hours a week. It’s just working in the clinic. I’m interning in a different clinic now in which 2 of my fellow interns are currently pregnant, and it seems to work out well for them.

Affording it is my only concern. As mentioned, OH would have a job, but we both will have doctorate degrees and a significant amount of debt to go with it. My practice will be slow growing at first, but will allow us to have a very comfortable life financially within a year or so.

I don’t know. It’s those first few months after graduation that have me so nervous. I know we’ll have a 6 month grace period on our student loans, so there’s that.

But it’s also ideal because I don’t want to get pregnant and go on maternity leave right when my practice gets busy in the beginning either. After a few years (when we’d ideally be ttc his second/my third) then I’d be able to hire a coverage doctor or an associate doctor so it woulnd’t be as hard of a hit financially.

It just seems like it’s either now or in 3 years, and I really don’t want to wait 3 years. But I don’t want to bring in a new baby too soon either.

I don’t know!

 

[xMissxZoiex]

You will always find a way to cope, no matter what. There are lots of ways to have a baby inexpensively. Pre loved clothes, breastfeeding/pumping, cloth nappies/diapers (Can even buy these pre loved and bleach them) I can recommend some fab facebook groups if your interested. You could really have a baby from birth - 1 year on not much more than £500 with some forward planning and frugality.

If you heart tells you you can do this and you know your a strong enough person to deal with the worst case scenarios then you can do it and you will do the best by your potential little one. As far as the length of your relationship, I'm sure some people will say its too soon but I know when I met my hubby I knew we were the real deal and we dove headfirst into everything and we are still together almost 11 years later. If you know its right then that's all that matters, also if the relationship doesn't last forever plenty of people co parent amicably without problems.

Good luck making your decision. XX

 

[jessie_m]

Thank you.

We had a long talk yesterday about everything, and what we’ve decided is to think about it until March or April. That’ll give us time to make sure that we’re sure. We’ve been living together for a few months, but this will also allow us to get more time living together under our belts just to make absolutely sure we’re compatible.

I guess I’m okay with this. I wouldn’t feel good about rushing into this either, but I’m just so concerned about how to make it when my practice gets busy but I’m not able to hire anyone to take care of my patients while I’m on maternity leave.

I guess we’re just taking it a day at a time for now.

Thanks for the advice.

 

[KalonKiki]

Hey fellow Missourian! :wave:

I'm also 26 but my DH and I have been together for over about 5 and a half years and married for 2 and a half years tomorrow.
We were only together for 7 months when we got pregnant with my DS, but my DS wasn't planned at all. Honestly if I could have a do over I would have been more careful and waited longer to have children with him. I think that especially being pregnant while trying to finish your doctorate would be very difficult. I think taking it a day at a time and giving it at least another couple of months to process the decision is a great idea.