Tantrums in Timeout?

[Angharad87]

My 4.5yr old SS has daily tantrums. The health visitor has put us onto a banardos group for people with kids who are more of a handful than normal.but has told us otherwise we are doing everything we can. We use a reward chart and timeouts.

My problem is that, in timeout he either plays, runs off, tantrums or starts shouting "can you come talk to me" until he winds himself up into a tantrum.

We take toys and anything he could consider a toy well away from the step, but he plays with his hands, running them up and down the walls.

We ignore tantrums unless he is going to hurt himself, which he will do if it will get attention., but they can last for ages.

Thing is, he is so busy shouting or playing, im not sure when to time the timeout from. Is it four minutes from staying on the spot? Has it worked if he's screaming "i want to et off" or playing happily? But if we wait for him to be quiet he might be there for an hour! Don't know what to do.....

 

[seoj]

I have no great advise... for us, when my SD was younger, we didn't call them timeouts- but would send her to her room to calm down then when she was calm, we could sit down and talk things out. When needed- we used a timer (starting from when she went into her room). She was a bit older though- not sure if/how that would work with a 4yo. But sometimes, kids just need that "reset" of their mind to calm down. I know I could throw some good fits as a kid! eek.

I don't plan on using timeouts with LO though either-- but sorta the same technique. Obviously as it goes along we'll do what makes sense for her age.

We also used sticker charts- and our oldest could save up stickers and "cash" them in for a sleep over or trip to the park etc... I'm reading this book about "helping your child be mindful" (not sure the exact name)- and one thing it mentions is when a child get's over excited or upset- to find something for them to focus on and breathe- like a snow globe. Then while they concentrate on the globe they take several deep breathes and it helps calm them overall. I'll certainly try that with LO as well...

Not sure any of that helped... maybe others have better insight? Hugs.

 

[sparkle23]

I agree, I am not a fan of timeouts myself either.

I believe the kids don't really understand why they are there and hence they just accumulate negative feelings towards the person who put them there and don't really learn the "lesson". They may even grow up never feeling understood by their loved ones.

I agree with the PP about sending them somewhere to calm down and then talking to them about what they did wrong.

Also, during calmer times, you can get THEM to nominate what their "punishment" will be before they do something wrong. This way they will have a clearer understanding that there are consequences to certain choices of behaviour that they know of in advance.

Also, you can try to understand what is going on with THEM when they "act out". You may be able to find a healthier way for them to express their emotions.

For example, if they start throwing things, you can find a healthy activity for them that allows them to safely throw something to release that physical emotion.

What kind of behaviour is he engaging in that causes him to get a time out?

 

[nataliecn]

I saw this on Pinterest - would he focus long enough to watch this and relax??

https://mycrazyblessedlife.com/2011/10/03/relax-bottletime-out-timer/

We have quite a problem with my 4 yr old too. He mostly yells and screams while in time out.