Teacher spoke to me in an angry way wwyd?

[babycrazy1706]

My 5 year old son has been having trouble at school since he joined yr one. At first it was mostly won't sit or concentrate for long periods, rushes his work so he can go and play, forgets to put up his hand and shouts out After going to his first parents evening o came home and cried as all she said was negative things like the above and nothing positive. In my opinion she doesn't like my son.

Things have gotten worse lately and he's been getting in trouble for hitting (when provoked) whilst playing in the playground. A lot of if was rough play between the boys, playing wrestling/ army etc. Or a few times he's been told off for hitting but he's been playing 'tag' and tagging too hard. Anyhow it's gotten worse and because the teacher was telling me daily he's done this and that I asked for a meeting. I wanted to discuss how they were managing the behaviour rather than just telling me. At home he behaves fine. He has a giddy personality some times but I don't think it's anything 'abnormal'

Anyway because the behaviour isn't getting better at the moment they have booked for him to be assessed by a professional in the next few weeks and he has to do work in the head teachers office if he hits someone at play time. The senco is involved and we are all working closely to try and improve things.

This week my son had had two really good days at school, he has a communication book and was a very positive week. The last day I picked him up and the teacher called me into the classroom and said I'm a stern manner can u just go and stand over there. Then she explained that a child had taken something off him in the classroom and he scratched her arm. She said to me through gritted teeth and watery eyes 'this is all getting too much now and I've had enough' in an angry manner

I was honestly taken aback by the way she spoke to me. Clearly there are behaviour issues to be addressed and I'm sorry my son acts like this but I can't help thinking I dont deserve to be spoken to like that. I'm doing all I can to improve his behaviour. Lots and lots of research. I've taken away the iPad completely so he is not having too much screen time. I've totally changed his diet to an all natural diet with no chocolate sweets or cakes. I've had to take a break from my own studies because it's all very stressful and I want to put all my time into improving my sons behaviour.

My mum thinks I should complain about how I was spoken to. She was really angry. The incident happened half way through the day so she had had time to calm down before pick up. My son had spent the afternoon sat out off the classroom and missed the Easter party as his punishment.

I don't know what to do. What would you do? It was incredibly unprofessional and she made me really upset. I still can't stop running her words through my head

 

[babycrazy1706]

Thank you for reading by the way!! Xx

 

[Take2]

It sounds like you have tried everything to be supportive towards this teacher. I think you are within your rights to request a sit down with the principal and to discuss your perspective.
It’s good that you are getting him assessed. Another thought, could he possibly be gifted? Some children can act out and display some behavioural issues if they are gifted.
My dd1 took years to settle into school. I worked closely with her teachers (some great some who I felt had it out for her) until eventually she settled right down. She is now 14 and in high school and is a school leader and in the academic program. She still clashes with some teachers, she’s quite forthright and opinionated, sometimes she oversteps and can display attitude but by and large she’s a great kid. I remember her first year of school being constantly called up and brought in to discuss her behaviour both in and out of the class room. It was so emotionally draining but with consistency between myself and her teachers and me trying to be firm but fair and supportive of her we got through that rocky patch.
Good luck and you sound like you are doing a great job, don’t be afraid to dig deeper into this if you feel something isn’t quite right.

 

[mrsmummy2]

Oh gosh thats absolutely awful. Im so sorry you've been treated that way and your poor son.
I would definitely complain. You send your children to school expecting them to learn and thrive in that environment - not be punished and have you get called in and spoken down to.
I really hope you can get this situation sorted soon

 

[Zephram]

It sounds like the teacher can’t cope and in that case I would request he be put in a different class. A change of scene could be really good for them both. I agree with the PP who said you should ask to talk to the principal.

 

[Natasha2605]

It sounds like the teacher can’t cope and in that case I would request he be put in a different class. A change of scene could be really good for them both. I agree with the PP who said you should ask to talk to the principal.

Totally agree.

I remember your previous posts and to me it sounds like she just has no time for your son.

If you son was punished for hitting after somebody took something off him what happened to the child who instigated - were they spoken to etc?

It wouldn’t shock me if a lot of your sons behaviour was because he feels he is being treated unfairly. If the hitting is in retaliation to something another child has done maybe your son sees it as the only way to get a response (albeit a negative one from the school)

 

[BunnyN]

Obviously hitting isn't acceptable but he is still pretty young so it's the kind of thing that does happen. It does sound to me like the teacher is overwhelmed and at a bit of a loss and how it's being dealt with is escalating his behaviour instead of helping it.

Maybe it would help to speek to him more from his point of view and just explain the situation to him. Say that when he does certain things the teacher gets worried and doesn't know what to do. She is having a hard time and getting upset about it all. Sometimes it isn't fair for him which is really hard and you understand etc... But he needs to find other ways of dealing with it. What does he think he could do?

 

[Eleanor ace]

.
I wonder whether she'd just had to speak to the parents of the child who was hurt and they laid into her about not keeping their DD safe and she was lashing out at you because they upset her. Not that that makes it ok, but hopefully she has a chance to calm down and gather herself and will be kinder/more approachable tomorrow.
You're doing the right thing being proactive and addressing your DS's behaviour, setting strong behaviour management & expectations at home, there is only so much you can do though. Hopefully the professionals you're being put in touch with can help and their involvement will make your DS's teacher see the situation differently.

 

[george83]

I would think if the teacher is speaking like that it’s because there’s probably more going on than you realise and actually dealing with silly little things constantly throughout an entire day is very draining and exhausting. What you’re hearing might seem like small instances but when it takes over teaching time becomes very frustrating. If your child was made to miss an end of term party that makes me think his behaviour is more serious than the way it comes across in the original post.

I would suggest a meeting with the senco to discuss strategies and targets moving forward, and then take your concerns about the teacher to the key stage coordinator

 

[6lilpigs]

A 5 year old missing the party is extremely harsh imo. I would ask to change teacher, she sounds a bit of a battle axe who isnt helping very much.

 

[babyrough]

I would be absolutely fuming with that punishment for such a young child. No wonder he acts out of he feels he's treated so unfairly. Is the teacher talking to the children who provoke him too?
It sounds like your trying with the behaviour issues but she isn't interested and just sticks with the negatives. I would complain.

 

[babycrazy1706]

Hi everyone. Thank you for each of your replies

Had a break through with everything!!
So yesterday I had a huge apology off the head on behalf of the school as I had sent in a two page complaint letter about the teacher and the teacher admitted she had handled the situation wrong

They thought Elijah had behaviour issues so order an assessment

The lady assessing him said there are no issues and the behaviour he is displaying is just attention seeking behaviour and because he was receiving too much negative attention he wasn't improving I.e no praise for the good stuff

My son had gotten himself into a hole and the only way he was getting attention was by being badly behaved

His teacher has ALWAYS been terribly negative about him from day one

So anyway the school even admitted they had been handling it all wrong and should have been more positive instead of beating him down and guess what, for two whole weeks he's been as good as gold, not one issue, he's not hit once, he listens, sits perfectly. He's won awards and gotten stickers. They said he's a different child and they have apologised for being so negative for all these months

I'm absolutely over the moon!
It just shows you what negativity can do to a child's mind

They are finally seeing my sweet little boy and they are really suprised and proud of him xx

 

[babycrazy1706]

P.s I've also looked around and applied for a new school. He is happy to move. The new school is amazing, very friendly and really nurturing.

 

[BunnyN]

Glad things are better!

 

[whatwillbex]

Such good news. What a relief for you x

 

[lau86]

Ah this is great!

 

[amytrisha]

I’m so glad things have improved for him, and you!

 

[babycrazy1706]

Thanks everyone xx

 

[sandilion]

Hi I am late to your thread but was wondering how your boy is going now and if he has started the new school? I can't believe they way he was treated as well as yourself. It's great and all they finally saw the light, but man what a horrible thing to go through for you both.

 

[Wobbles]

P.s I've also looked around and applied for a new school. He is happy to move. The new school is amazing, very friendly and really nurturing.

I don't blame you.

A little too late from his the school is how I'd feel.

I hope he got accepted for the new school and you have put this behind you