tearing

[lynnikins]

if i thought my mw was likely to use directed pushing id print this off and watch her read it lol, good for giving to OB's who like to push for quick delieverys

 

[chuck]

I didnt get the coached pushing but I did get a lot of encouragement which is a good thing, it was hard! Really hard as they put me in stirrups but being told how I was doing was good and being told calmly was important, no yelling and shouting like I was at some boot camp.

 

[Kess]

You could get this nifty gadget https://www.epi-no.co.uk/ I'm not really a fan of gadgets and gizmos for childbirth but all the women I know that have used this have had very gentle births with no tearing, sometimes a little graze but nothing more. It seems to have been more helpful than perineal massage as I think it takes the fear of what it will feel like away.

I'm slightly gutted; I heard of this around a month ago, but decided it was too expensive. Now I think it's probably too late to make a difference.

 

[numum]

Hey kosh i think you're on the right track face the fears and do whatever practical things you can to address them. If you can talk them through with someone supportive and just keep telling yourself all the things you've heard are other peoples stories and your birth will be as unique as you are. Just make sure you havent shoved anything to the back of your mind undealt with and also realise its normal to wonder and be unsure-you'll feel that way all the time as a mom!

 

[kosh]

You could get this nifty gadget https://www.epi-no.co.uk/ I'm not really a fan of gadgets and gizmos for childbirth but all the women I know that have used this have had very gentle births with no tearing, sometimes a little graze but nothing more. It seems to have been more helpful than perineal massage as I think it takes the fear of what it will feel like away.

wow, that's interesting, i'm not fan of gadgets either but i think i might get this one. thanks!



edit: pricey though...

 

[kosh]

Hey kosh i think you're on the right track face the fears and do whatever practical things you can to address them. If you can talk them through with someone supportive and just keep telling yourself all the things you've heard are other peoples stories and your birth will be as unique as you are. Just make sure you havent shoved anything to the back of your mind undealt with and also realise its normal to wonder and be unsure-you'll feel that way all the time as a mom!

you know, i think i've already started to feel less scared! i think the most difficult/scary thing for me is the unknown, so, as you said, reading people's stories and advise, and also knowing that i can do things to feel more in control really helps.
thanks!

 

[numum]

good woman! x

 

[madasa]

hi all, i'm very new to all this, so please bear with me!

i was reading a thread here (Q's to ask MW in an interview) where someone said they would ask: "how often do her women keep an intact perineum? (tearing/being cut is a major fear of mine)."

this is a big fear of mine too, but had no idea it could be somehow avoided/prevented. i thought it was just a consequence of the baby's size and your body built.

could someone shed some light please?
thanks!

There are lots of factors Just "the way you are built" is one, maybe.... the size of the baby's head is another, to a degree, but the head DOES mould to "fit" your body.

I am fairly sure it's more about perineum support, whether you are in water, whether you have had a baby before, whether you have done any perineal massage, whether you are coached during pushing, whether you have an epi, what position you are in, whether you are relaxed and what your environemnt is like.

"Envirment" - last but NOT least! It CANNOT be understated, how important environment is!

Ina May Gaskin talks about the fact that we women, we are convinced from a young age to believe we have shoddy crotches. It's true, we are! But for the most part, it's a lie! We are well designed for birth.

Think about a man's penis. Can I say that? Does it get star-red out?? Anywho. Think of it when it's soft and floppy. Now, imagine you get the end of it and YANK IT to be as long as it would be when he has an erection. That's going to hurt, right? Probably going to cause damage, right?! never going to be the same again?? Legit concern.

So how come men are not scared of getting an erection? How come they don't worry that their skin will tear? How come they don't think "after it's got that big, it'll never be the same again. It'll be ruined. Everyone will be able to tell, unless I have surgery to fix it."

They are DESIGNED to get that big, that's why!

Pssst! Guess what? Want to know a secret? SO ARE WE!!

When a man gets an erection, he gets a rush of blood to his penis. That's what makes it get full and long and hard. It doesn't hurt a bit! In fact, it happens as easy as falling off a log. He LIKES it. Feels all tingly

WE get a rush of blood too. Our engorgement happens on the inside! Usually, under normal circumstances, if we are relaxed, comfortable, if we feel SEXY and "tingly" and goddess-y.... We will get engorged and we will get huge and accommodate the baby with minimal to no damage. hey, it can even feel GOOODDD!!!

Now, you put a man in hospital. Make sure there are bright lights and people come in and out all the time. Give him a time limit to achieve an erection and then have sex, and achieve an orgasm. Have someone come in unanounced at regular intervals to measure his penis, check how lubricated it is and make a note about this in a chart. Threaten him with all kinds of procedures to augment the process if he "fails to progress". (Yeah. I am hearing you. They'd never treat a MAN like that, would they )

So, like I said. Environment canNOT be understated. It plays a MAJOR role, IMO, on whether or not birth is comfortable and whether or not you tear.

There endeth my novel, AMEN!

 

[calliebaby]

Honestly, the pushing part of it felt AMAZING to me. It was such a relief after the contractions. I tore and even that didn't hurt that bad. It felt a little warm.
I would have loved to push longer, but he was out after 14 minutes. (I know, I'm crazy for saying that).
I did it without any pain relief and it was all manageable. Just find something to focus all your attention on and meditate on it. You will do fabulous!!!

 

[kosh]

madasa - i loooove your post, thanks!!!

 

[kosh]

Kosh..read this article it's from the Royal College of Midwives (so people who know what theyre on about) about coached pushing otherwise known as the valsalva technique

its a link to a word doc

https://www.rcmnormalbirth.org.uk/E...ssetID=88450&type=Full&servicetype=Attachment

very interesting chuck, thanks for this.
now, i'm hoping for a waterbirth at a midwife led unit, what can you (or I!) actually do if they try to coached you?

 

[madasa]

Your dh should VE briefed beforehand to ask them not to, IMO. Arguing with MWs yourself is nOt going to be easy or effective at that point.

 

[violetsky]

My lo came out with her hand over her face, and it was her hand/arm that tore me as she came out. (2nd degree tear, but natural vaginal labour, and delivery, all pain relief free) I dont think you can really do anything to prevent situations like that

 

[madasa]

True, sometimes it's just going to happen! But you can influence it, and I think this is encouraging and empowering to know.... I know it was for me

 

[chuck]

very interesting chuck, thanks for this.
now, i'm hoping for a waterbirth at a midwife led unit, what can you (or I!) actually do if they try to coached you?

Tell them to shut up!

If they are saying something you dont like or asking you to do something you dont like tell them.

Put it in your birth plan that you do not want coached pushing, I think it's less common now anyway many more MW's will let you push when you feel the need and give more encouragement than anything else.

Make sure your birth partner knows what you want/don't want, by the time you get to pushing you may not be in a place to challenge what is happening because you'll be concentrating so had on the task at hand it's easy to get swept along in what's being done.

I ended up in stirrups because I was not able to move myself or even ask to be in another position (I really struggled to move/talk come the end I was very within myself)and hubby wasn't my advocate so didn't challenge the decision either.