Teary.

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by Frooty, Jun 3, 2011.

  1. Frooty

    Frooty Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2010
    Messages:
    2,578
    Likes Received:
    0
    I live at home with my mum at the moment and my OH lives at his flat, he wants me to move in so he can be with me and the baby but my mum is disabled and i feel so so guilty leaving her even though she has my siblings here with her i just can't help it. She didn't want me to move out until baby was a few weeks old but he wants all the time with me and his son which is understandable. Think im feeling upset too because i haven't moved out of home before never lived with a partner im sure i'll get past it but anyone have any advice?
     
  2. Ruby x

    Ruby x Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2011
    Messages:
    382
    Likes Received:
    0
    do whats right for you. Where would you feel most comfortable?
     
  3. Frooty

    Frooty Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2010
    Messages:
    2,578
    Likes Received:
    0
    Of course i feel most comfortable at home here with my mum but its over crowded and my OH really wants to be a proper family.
     
  4. Mummy~L

    Mummy~L Mummy to 2

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2009
    Messages:
    3,357
    Likes Received:
    0
    Could you OH not stay with you at your mums for the first few weeks??

    You can say that you will need both his and your mums support in the early days. Then when you feel ready you can move in with him. Only go if you feel ready though! Xxx
     
  5. Bec27

    Bec27 Proud mummy of Josh& Jake

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2010
    Messages:
    1,411
    Likes Received:
    0
    I really feel for you and your situation. I can only give advice on my own experience. When my husband and I first moved in together (before we were married lol) we found it quite an adjustment. We fought like cat and dog for the first few months as we found our feet and our roles in the house. There's nothing to say your experience will be this way, particularly as it's already a lived in home. However, having a baby is daunting and enough of a strain that it may be best not to have too many changes at once. You have to weigh things up, I have no idea how long you've been together, how strong your relationship is etc- only you know what is best for you- not your partner- not your mum- you. I know also from experience that doing things through guilt is never good- if that's the only reason you'd stay and you'd rather move in with your partner, you should go. You will figure it out, just make sure you think it through carefully. Good luck x
     
  6. Frooty

    Frooty Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2010
    Messages:
    2,578
    Likes Received:
    0
    Theres not enough room for him to stay here with me. He wants to be part of this bubs life every step of the way thats why he asked me to move in we were looking into getting a place where we both move into but the waiting list is ridiculous. I'd like nothing more than to move in but i don't feel safe to but this isn't cus i dont love him or anything but its cus its all going to be new to me, maybe i should give it a go and if it doesn't work out least i can say we gave it a shot, my mum will always have me back here if it doesn't work out.
     
  7. NOMORENUMBERS

    NOMORENUMBERS Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2010
    Messages:
    3,543
    Likes Received:
    0
    i thinl you should give it a shot. you are going to be a family now and without sounding oldfashioned families should be together.

    i understand that it is harder for you to leave home than most because of your mother but you will have to leave at some point. you are about to have a baby, you have a man that is unbelievably willing to have you both with him and to make a proper family unit with you

    with that said i agree with the other poster who said that you need to think about how this move will affect your relationship and whether it is too much for it. i have not gone through that, me and dh moved in with each other literally within days of getting together. i do not know the details on your relationship but if it is fairly new or newly serious or you have had times where you have argued a great amount etc etc then moving in may create a strain that could make it difficult to come back from. if you let your relationship take a more natural course then it may be better for the stability of your relationship

    ekkk i have just given you two sides of the arguement havent i lol

    personally if you have no worries other than leaving your mother then go for it but if there is an underlying reason for you wanting opinions, eg not being sure that the relationship would last such a big change then definately weigh up the benefits and potentially disadvantages and make an informed decision as to what you want to do

    lol i hope my rambling helped in some wayxkx
     
  8. Frooty

    Frooty Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2010
    Messages:
    2,578
    Likes Received:
    0
    Me and OH have argued not much and the relationship is fairly new he has said in the past that he doesn't think its a good idea we move cus we dont know eachother fully but he said that in the heat of an argument but now saying he wants me to move in.
     
  9. Frooty

    Frooty Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2010
    Messages:
    2,578
    Likes Received:
    0
    Today is moving in with OH day, but he rang me this morning didn't seem to sure he wanted me to move in, i have everything packed and ready to go, how am i meant to feel comfortable moving into his flat when he is unsure? :(
     
  10. Ozzieshunni

    Ozzieshunni Guest

    Talk about confusing! First he wants you to move in and then he doesn't? I would stay at your mom's. You seem to be more comfortable there anyways and he is free to come see you and LO. He needs to make up his mind and commit.
     
  11. Frooty

    Frooty Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2010
    Messages:
    2,578
    Likes Received:
    0
    So i moved in cant stop crying as i miss my mum so much just wanna go home tbh :(
     
  12. cyanidepill

    cyanidepill Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2011
    Messages:
    1,023
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think if you already feel it is over crowded at home with your mum, then when your son arrives perhaps you would feel this pressure more. Moving out away from family is always very daunting at first, but what you have to remember is, that your family is there for you to love and support you.

    I moved out of my parents house when I was 17, after a silly argument with my mam. Since then me and and her love nothing better than me calling down for a cuppa and a natter - it really does make my day.

    You can always call and see your mum and maintain that bond. She'll probably love to know that you and your own little family are going to pay her a visit. I know my mam loves knowing me and my son are going to visit her, and she's really psyched up for her first grand daughter to visit her too.

    xxx
     
  13. leahsbabybump

    leahsbabybump Mummy to 3

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2011
    Messages:
    9,706
    Likes Received:
    0
    Oh hun im sorry you feel this way like cyanidepill said moving away from loved ones is allways daunting and i imagine its even more daunting at the moment with you hormones running a riot.
    Do you not think maybee you made the decision a little too quick it was only 4 days ago you didnt know what you wanted to do :-/ im not critising your decision or having a dig or anything hun
    with me and my OH we had not been back togeather long after a break andhe phased his move back in with me so at first he would spend a few nights hear a few at home and then a month later he would stop extra time etc its been likethis for most of the 9 months of my pregnancy and now th eother week as we are now 100% used to each otherand the family idea has settled in with us he has brought the rest of his junk along and moved in lol but as it wasa slow process we had a lot of time to get used to the idea when we first met 3 year ago he moved straight in after about a month and we argued like cat and dog lol im suprised we didnt kill each other.

    Sorry im blabbering on now lol
    Anywayz it will take time for you to adjust to your new surroundings etc and your bound to be upset about being away from your mom you will get settled in eventually no doubt andliek you say if it doesnt work your mum will allways have you back give a few weeks though first and then you can say you gave it a good shot xx
     
  14. Missy.

    Missy. Mum to 2 boys, a girl & an angel <3

    Joined:
    May 13, 2009
    Messages:
    2,563
    Likes Received:
    11
    Moving out is always hard hun :hugs: I felt like crap for weeks when I first moved out but it does get easier.

    Just remember that your mum will still always be there, you can visit her anytime you want. You don't need to be living under the same roof to have a special bond :) I get on better with my mum now we don't live together than I ever did when I lived at home.

    Once your beautiful baby comes along you'll know you've made the right decision because you, OH and your baby will have a lovely little family home of your own. It'll be fine hun, just give it time :hugs: x
     
  15. Frooty

    Frooty Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2010
    Messages:
    2,578
    Likes Received:
    0
    Its more the moving in with OH that is scary cus its his flat and he didnt wanna move to a new house cus hes scared something will go wrong and have nowhere to go
     
  16. leahsbabybump

    leahsbabybump Mummy to 3

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2011
    Messages:
    9,706
    Likes Received:
    0
    maybee sit down and have a chat with OH see if you can make the place feel more at home :-/ i know it sounds silly but could you not pinch some of your comforts from your mums house or something from your room there that will make your OH's place more homely to you and make you more comfy :-/
    I know you said your mum is disabled and i dont know your circumstances with OH flat but could your mum not come round for dinner and visit you there a few times a week for familiarailty (spelling?)
     
  17. Frooty

    Frooty Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2010
    Messages:
    2,578
    Likes Received:
    0
    My mum can't hardly walk which makes me feel even more guilty cus i always want to look after her make sure shes alright. Im going to see her on thursday anyway so it will be nice :) and when LO comes im sure i'll see her even more often.
     
  18. leahsbabybump

    leahsbabybump Mummy to 3

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2011
    Messages:
    9,706
    Likes Received:
    0
    is your mums place far away from you new place? im sure your siblings are taking good care of her hun i know it must be hard for you andi know this may sound a bit tough and easy for me to say but you need to get your own family going now and think about them especially that baby isnt too far away :-/
    if your mum lives local youcould call in on her everyday just make sure she is good see if she needs anything or just give her a call each morning and evening to see how she is doing to put your mind at rest xx
     
  19. Frooty

    Frooty Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2010
    Messages:
    2,578
    Likes Received:
    0
    She only lives around 20 mins away from me and ive called her like 3 times already today lol. Im also uncomfy being here cus im not comfortable with my appearance like i never go out the door without make up and scared crapless OH will see me without it silly i know but its just how i feel.
     
  20. leahsbabybump

    leahsbabybump Mummy to 3

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2011
    Messages:
    9,706
    Likes Received:
    0
    bless you sounds like your hormones just have the better of you at the moment hopefully once baby hear etc things will get a little easier for you xx
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice