Teenage daughter always left out by “friends”

[nikkip75]

So I have a 14 year old daughter. She’s never been really popular and that’s fine. She’s not a girly girl, she’s quite dry and sarcastic too.
She’s always struggled to make and keep friends. Primary school I would see the popular girls who she hung out with walk of and hide when they seen her walk through the school gates in the morning. They would have sleep overs she would never be invited too. We encouraged her to hang out with other kids and she would but would always gravitate back to the same group. Fast forward to year 9 secondary school and we are still in the same situation with some of the same girls. She tells us she messages them to see if any of them want to go into town and they leave her on message seen with no replies. They all say they are going somewhere and she says she will go and what time are they going and no one answers. She had a birthday sleep over planned and invited 8 girls and 2 girls turned up, then one left leaving just the one. She spent her birthday with a friend of a friend
She goes to a youth group and made a few friends there but nothing serious. She went out with them a few times then there was a falling out.
I work in her school so I see her sometimes. Sometimes she’s with other kids and sometimes alone.
I don’t know what to do! It’s not like she’s an introvert and is happy to be alone, she’s not. She loves being out with people.

I’ve tried seeing it from the other side and thought maybe she’s not a good friend, boring, nasty etc but honestly she’s a good kid! She said she’s spoken to them about it and they haven’t responded.
It’s making me feel ill and my heart aches for her. I don’t want her to end up getting depressed about this. I just don’t know what to do about this anymore.

Anyone advice welcome

 

[Babybump87]

Awww god this situation would break my heart too! Other kids can be so mean sometimes if I teach my kids anything it’s to always be kind and supportive .

Is there any after school clubs she can join ? Maybe she just needs to somehow break away from that group of girls . Secondary school is so hard . It was for me , I just didnt find my feet at all ( your DD reminds me of myself actually ) soon as I left for collage was all change thankfully ! There obviously not very good friends but your DD probably sees them as her only friends so she wants to keep them . I hope you find a solution x

 

[Bella1185]

Ugh kids can suck - especially at that age! Good on you for being so aware of the situation!

aside from telling her those people aren’t her friends, because real friends will treat her the way she SHOULD be treated, and continuing to encourage her..... SPORTS.... even outside of school, like local or even karate, boxing, tennis, swim clubs etc!!! Intramural clubs! Drama groups! Join the YMCA, have her take group music lessons, arts and crafts meet up groups.... look online to see what they have in your area! Summer camps! She will find a niche and gain self esteem and start to realize she doesn’t need those awful ‘friends’!

This is absolutely zero help to her now, but truly, when she survives this and makes it through school, she will be so strong because she will know she CAN be

 

[AmberPi]

It's a sad story, but I think all the stories of teenagers are similar. My older son has the same situation. He is a rather withdrawn and lonely child, and he has few friends. I hope that everything will be better in high school. But I do not think he suffers from it. Talk to her and explain that it is better to be alone, but a good friend than many fake ones. I am sure everything will be fine!