Teenage Sister Pregnant While I'm Struggling: How to Deal with Emotions?

[Robynxo]

That's terrible! They are using the baby as a bargaining chip, and that's not okay. I have a sister who has done the same thing to my parents in the past. My parents ended up calling her bluff. She needs their help with childcare too much to go through with hauling the kids off somewhere else.

I know you don't want to upset your mom, or risk upsetting your (lazy) sister for fear of things ending up badly, but you also can't let them take advantage of you. Can you at least get paid for all the time you're putting in, since you're missing out on work opportunities so your sister can happily freeload?

Hey, Dill, how's your pregnancy going? I saw your siggy when you first put the BFP status on there and hope you're doing well.

Baby is now almost 2 months old. My sister stopped breastfeeding completely around 2-3 weeks old and is now back to smoking and drinking. She DID get a job but is now expecting on non-work days, to be able to do whatever she wants, baby-free. So guess who ultimately gets the baby? My mother just bought her ANOTHER new car so she just comes and goes whenever now...

I DO get paid now... by my mother... not by my sister. My mother says that she would much rather pay me then miss out on work, because that would cost her much more. But I get paid what my mom freely GIVES my sister. So, it's something and it helps out, but it's still allowing my sister to shirk all her responsibilities. I just don't really want my mom's money. She already gives too much to everyone.

I don't mind helping out a few hours a day. I think it is a good insight into parenting for my future. But sometimes, it is 12+ hours a day that I have him. His father hides in his room until it's almost time for my sister to come home, THEN he takes the baby for a few hours.

Really, I'm being a pushover because I LOVE this baby and I do not want him to be stressed out... but also because my mother IS a REAL pushover and my sister takes advantage of that. So, if I don't watch him, then my mother will, no matter what I say. If my mom misses work, or gets laid off... well, I have 12 year old and a 15 year old sisters as well. There is no way I can let them suffer from that either.

 

[Dill]

What a stressful situation! It's a shame that your mom won't stand up to them and is instead enabling the behavior. I know the baby pretty severely complicates things, but she's not doing anyone any favors by allowing your sister and the baby's father to be leeches and deadbeats. I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but I'm just so frustrated by the whole mess, and by the way you're stuck in the middle.

My pregnancy has been absolutely miserable so far. I'm thankful for it, of course, but I feel like I am barely surviving.

 

[MamaBear2288]

UPDATED PAGE 2.

CAUTION: There may be some triggering content ahead for certain individuals.

I am just a mess in the last day or so.

I will try to make it as short as possible. I am in my early 20's and I have PCOS and have been unsuccessfully TTC/NTNP for about 3 to 4 years.

I have a younger sister, whom I used to be really close to, until she hit her teens. Then she picked up a life of some drugs, drinking, partying, boyfriends, etc. We became opposites. I wanted to settle down with my high school sweetheart and (hopefully) someday become a SAHM. I don't really know her plans, but I know settling down isn't one of them.

She is very irresponsible, doing things from crashing multiple vehicles to stealing. She recently costed my mother 30k in a lawsuit because she let her friend drive her car drunk, and he totaled it. The court ruled that the blame was on my mother, instead of the group of drunk, underage kids or the driver's mother. This is one of the many reasons we drifted apart, as I do have some bitter emotion for how careless of other people she is, and she is bitter at me for being bitter at her. We don't really talk, I try to be courteous to her, but she always has some bad blood with me no matter what.

I just found out yesterday morning from my mother that my 18 year old sister is 6 months pregnant. She only confided in me this because my sister's boyfriend is acting completely inappropriate and she couldn't explain the situation without the major detail of her pregnancy. My mother was the only one who knew before she told me. Immediately, I was crushed and sobbing.

My sister doesn't want the baby. She went in for an abortion but didn't know how far along she was. They told her they would not do an abortion at 6 months, so she is considering adoption.

She also said she doesn't want to let my mother take care of him or her, because she is apparently afraid I will end up taking care of her baby. This would be extremely possible considering my mother and I are close and I do so much for my mother's household. I basically run her house for her (she is a very busy woman, long story short. I don't mind it), so I can see why she would believe I would end up taking care of the baby.

Of course, this is all my sister's decision. I have not tried to turn the outcome either way, especially since my sister doesn't know that I know.



Anyway, this is what I have been going through. I'm not sure how to deal with the emotions I have. I'm jealous, angry, depressed, and secretly excited for the baby all at once. How do you deal with others sharing their good (or bad) news when you've been struggling with TTC? I was fine and hopeful before I found out, and now I'm crushed. I was supposed to have my mother's first grandchild. I know it's a selfish thought, but I am so crushed by the news and don't know what to do. I guess I just needed to vent to you ladies. I know how some outside perspective can clear things up.

I am sorry you're going through this and I'm praying for you! I have never been in exactly your situation, but I recently had a miscarriage at 6 weeks. My sister and I were pregnant at the same time, and since this is her first pregnancy (and her second round of IVF) I didn't tell her that I was pregnant or that I miscarried. At first, I didn't tell her I was pregnant because she was 3 weeks ahead of me and I wanted to let her announce first and be able to enjoy it without me crowding in on her moment, and then when I miscarried, I didn't want to tell her because this is her first pregnancy and I don't want her to be stressed about me or to even have miscarriage on her mind. So it has been so difficult to see her pregnancy progressing while mine ended, but at the same time, I am happy for her. I know our situation is much different than yours and your sisters, but I wanted you to know that I empathize with your feelings of your own fertility struggles coming head-to-head with your sister's fertility, ESPECIALLY since in your case, your sister isn't even grateful for her fertility. Like I say, I'm praying for you, your sister and the baby, for a positive outcome for all of you.

 

[Robynxo]

Hi ladies,

I did want to update. I just got my BFP yesterday after stopping TTC for a few months. I am just blown away. Maybe things will work out after all. My nephew will have a cousin!

 

[Dill]

That's wonderful news, Robynxo! As trite as the "it'll happen when you stop trying" advice is, that's what happened with me this time, too. FX for a long and easy pregnancy!

 

[Flueky88]

Huge congrats!!!!!! So happy for you