Telling my best friend I'm pregnant

[HarboroughMum]

Please hold my hand. I feel physically sick.

She's been my friend since we were 4. She was my birth partner with my second. She was the one I told first when I was pregnant with my second.

She's struggling to get pregnant herself. Been trying 3 years and been told she needs ivf. I feel physically sick.


Iv messaged her saying I think I might be pregnant


She's replied saying "I knew!!"

I'm so upset I don't want her to hate me!

P.s Been with partner 2 years, so not like iv just fell pregnant from a one night stand!

 

[babybambi]

This sounds exactly like my situation. There's three of us and my first friend had her 5th last year. This is my second (and last) and our other friend has been trying for 5 years but its her partner that's having the trouble (reversed vasectomy) she's now been told her only option would be private IVF (her partner has a previous child) I totallh feel for her and I'm kind of pissed off for her that she isn't entitle NHS help because her partner had a child. Why should she be punished?!

I'm going to dread telling her, and I'm waiting until I know everythings ok first. She didn't teact well to our friends 5th pregnancy, I could tell she wanted us out of the house fast, so I was thinking of texting her so she could grieve/be pissed/sad whatever she wants without her having to worry about her reaction. She should be able to scream and cry I understand that. If just want to hug her but I feel like it would come across as patronising.

 

[Rhiannon137]

Since your friend already knows, the hard part is done. I suspect she will be very happy for you, but it will be a complicated kind of happy. I had the same situation with my first, and actually opted to email the news to my best friend so she would have some time to process it, and not feel like she immediately had to put on a happy face.

Give it a few days, and then approach her to let her know that you understand her feelings might be complicated. Ask her to let you know honestly how much she wants to be involved and hear about baby stuff. Then respect her answer.

My friend has a baby now and she put together a beautiful video for the pregnancy announcement that detailed their challenges. At the end she included a link to a site called "How not to be a dick to your infertile friend." Kind of a crass title, but it had a lot of great info that I wish I had read earlier in her struggle.

 

[Sugden88]

It's nice for me to see your prespective as the pregnant friend that have such Care and consideration for your friends struggling to conceive. I'm that friend who has taken years to get pregnant, being told they are infertile, and waiting on IVF. If had some friends on their 2/3rd child and have not thought about how I might be feeling and it's heart breaking. It's so upsetting, however you guys seem so concerned for your friends and I think that's touching.

Your suggestions all seem good, esp giving them the news via text/email to allow them the privacy of being upset etc, then dealing with it and being happy for your news.

Xxx

 

[biscuits104]

I think texting is a good idea, as well as telling them how badly you feel. Honesty is always the best policy and I guarantee your friend will be touched to hear that you feel bad, but also not want you to feel bad. You all are great friends!

 

[Boo44]

This happened to me, my best friend and I always used to joke about her being '6 months behind' me because she met her boyfriend 6 months after I met mine, she got engaged 6 months after me and they got married 6 months after us too. So when I fell pregnant with my first son straight after we got married she would joke that hopefully she'd have a baby 6 months after me. Sadly she struggled to get pregnant for a long time and needed IVF. So that was difficult enough for her

But to make it even worse her first IVF failed and I fell unexpectedly pregnant with our second literally as she found out her IVF hadn't worked. So I had a due date almost exactly what hers would have been if it had worked. I was distraught about this and about telling her. I eventually told her by text which I did specifically so she could be upset or angry in private if she wanted to.

Happily and praise the Lord her second IVF worked and she now has a beautiful little girl who is 6 months younger than my second! So it all worked out fine and she was pregnant before my second came and she was brilliant about it anyway. At least your friend knows now and you've done the right thing telling her and not trying to hide anything x

 

[Bekah78]

It's lovely you are being so thoughtful. It took hubby and I 10 years, multiple different treatments and 4 IVF attempts to finally get our BFP. The number of number of announcements we went through during that time was heartbreaking. The hardest times to hear were when being told in a group, or hearing when a baby was born through mutual friends (we love some distance from some friends). It's so hard not to get upset that it isn't you that's pregnant, but doesn't mean I wished my infertility on anyone else.

The kindest way for me was when my best friend told me face to face. She was so lovely an apologetic but she had nothing to apologise for. She said she wanted me to know first so when she told other people it wasn't a surprise to us and it gave us time to get our heads around it first.

I found it hardest when people avoided telling me. It made me feel like a failure and an outsider. Like my friends had a secret I wasn't allowed in on.

 

[Jessicahide]

I feel so sad for you both! I hope it all goes smoothly xxxx

 

[jinxii]

I've been on the other side... I was married for 10 years and trying the whole time. Then my sister fell pregnant with baby #1 about a year after she got married. Then 2 years later, baby #2. I was able to put on a happy face for her and get through the day, but I did break down and cry my eyes out when I got home. It had nothing to do with being angry at sis though, I was just grieving what I thought I was never going to have. I was still incredibly happy for her! It just kind of brings it to a head when everyone around you is able to get pregnant without any issues.