Telling people...Dilema

[Lil_Apple]

I will have my dating scan when I am 10 wks 3 days ( If i have got my dates right and ovulated at the right time etc) I am so scared of telling everyone...I know that sounds daft but I feel that that will make things more real and if its more real things can go wrong (which i know sounds stupid but you know how it is when you have been hurt by a loss before )

After my scan I think I want to reveal our wonderful news (if all is ok) but there is that 'thing' at the back of my mind that says you should wait until 12 weeks but with my scan being so early I would not know if anything was wrong at 12 weeks anyway AND surely if the worst were to happen again I would need my friends and family support again surely and would have to tell them I was prego at some point anyway

Sorry for the rant!! Its nice to get my fears out my head and into the world so thanks for reading

I guess my question is... if you were me and suffered a very rare type of loss 2nd tri and you had your scan at 10wks and was ok would you feel confident to tell friends and family? (thanks again girls )

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Sorry to hear of your loss, I think you should do whatever feels right like you said you would need your friends and family if heaven forbid anything went wrong so I think you should share your exciting news with everyone after your dating scan.

Good luck and congrats.xxx

 

[secretbaby]

This is my exact dilema too. I lost my son at 27 weeks after problems at 20 weeks. I have told about 5 people at work because they HAVE to know for my safety. I don't want to tell anyone else till after 20 weeks -but no logicially that won't be possible (unles I start wearing HUGE clothes now and convince them its a fashion thing!).

I had a early scan and seen bubs heart beat so know my m/c risk is lowered due to that but still can't tell anyone (I am 8 weeks). Hubby wants to tell everyone end of july when i have my dating scan (early scan put my dates back so originally I would have been 13 weeks at my dating scan).

So sorry not much help but can sympathise.

 

[Neko]

I had a second trimester loss in January. This week I had my NT scan, everything looked good. But I don't plan on sharing the news with anyone but family and close friends until I'm 16 weeks.

 

[Smudgelicious]

I'm the same. I usually can't wait to tell and have never held out till the 12th week before. However, this pregnancy feels different and I don't want to tell. I'm actually quite happy to keep it a secret for as long as I can. The only people I have told are my parents (who live in a different country) and one friend who lives on the other side of the US.

My problem is that I really want to tell my other children, especially because I know they worry about me being sick and tired all the time. They'll be so excited, but they won't be able to keep it a secret. So, I can't tell them until I'm ready for the world to know. I'm guessing I'll tell at about 16 weeks or so, if I can hide it that long.

 

[Beanbabe]

After a loss at 19wks I know exactly how you feel but I think that that 12 week mark is outdated. I dont think that it applies anymore. It was in a day when miscarriage was a hidden thing and noone talked about it. When people didn't acknowledge that it was a horrible thing to happen. I think there is still a taboo about mc but it is getting better.

You may need support when it gets to around the time that you had your loss the last time. You will probably need people to know by that stage anyway. I have a scan on Wed and Im keeping it a secret. Telling lies in order to get babysitters etc. It all adds to the stress. Sometimes keeping the secret is very hard and puts pressure on you that you dont need.

I really have no idea when Im going to tell people. My sister knows but only cos she is pregnant and was in a terrible state that she was and I had lost Matthew. I felt I could not keep it form her. Unlike smudge tho I dont want to tell my other children. Atm I actually feel if I could get to the labour ward with noone knowing I would but I know at some stage the urge to tell people will get me.

If you feel comfortable telling people after your scan do it. Dont be put off by an outdated tradition of waiting till 12 weeks. Unfortunately as some of us here know getting to that magic mark does not guarantee anything. I think that having a support system for your pregnancy is more important than outdated old wives traditions.

Good luck for your scan.

 

[aebnygds]

I'm in the same suitation. I want to tell my older daughter and neice who lives with me. I'm always sleeping and tired sick etc. But I'm terrified I told them the last time. And I just can't do that to them again. I'm planning on waiting till the 16 week mark but it so stressful to keep it a secret.
My loss occured at this point so rite now I'm a ball of nerves. However I do think its best to get it out so you will not have that weight on your shoulders. I've told my husband and our two year old son. LOL I'm sure he won't tell anyone. LOL


@beanbabe I love your post its so true and struck a chord in me. Lol I would also try to make iit to delivery until I told someone if I could.