Telling the Mother in Law who doesn't like me!

[b52t]

Do any of you have a MIL who dislikes you? How did she react to the news that you were pregnant?? My MIL has made no secret of the fact that she doesn't like my parenting skills although I suspect it is because hubby and I have different ideas to how she would want them raised.

Long story short, hubby's son came to live with us when he was 9 because his mother shacked up with a murderer as well as evidence of drug use/pornography around her kids (5 by different fathers), neglect, gang members frequenting the house etc etc - I know wtf - and decided to stop SS leaving the country when hubby got a job in Western Australia. During the court case bio-mum decided to have me investigated for child abuse - ?! - because SS didn't like how strict we were (of course, compared to his Mum's place! We had *gasp* rules!). MIL took hubby's ex partner's word as gospel, child services literally laughed at the allegations and said it was clear bio-mum was trying to create drama to win the court case (she didn't!) but that didn't change MIL's opinion of me.

SS is now 14 and happy as, well adjusted despite what has happened already in his short life. I'm very proud of him, hubby and our wee family and stoked to be adding another to it!

SOOOO... no doubt the MIL will not exactly be ecstatic at the thought of me having a child with her son (my hubby). Any advice on how to deal with it??

Thanks in advance

 

[leahtaba]

Dont deal with it- just tell her and let her get on with it. Sounds like it is her problem not yours!

 

[MummyJade]

Im probs a bit twisted but I would take great joy in telling her! She doesnt like you because her son is happy and not needing mummies help... Like leahtaba said just tell get and leave her too it... Congrats. X

 

[lowblow1]

Her problem doll. My mil dislikes me cos I 'stole her son'. Lols.
Just enjoy it. You don't live by her rules

 

[Leesy]

what's your husbands relationship with her like? just send her a text. doesnt sound like she deserves respect.

 

[pandi77]

If you want to try to get her out of her shell (personal choice as some would rightfully leave her be) you could say something like " the past is the past but I'd like us to be a close living family moving forward" and maybe "I know how important it is for us to have a good relationship so that the baby also has a good relationship with you too". That might make the point that her negativity with you will only have an adverse impact on her potential relationship with her grandchild. Of course it feels nice to try but if she remains unsupportive it will only be her on the outside looking in!

 

[wookie130]

So, if I'm understanding this correctly, MIL chose to stand behind crazy ex-wife's story and allegations of child abuse directed at YOU?

Yeah, to me, the answer is clear. She'll find out eventually. But she wouldn't be hearing the news from me.

 

[Celesse]

I think I'm also gonna have to say don't deal with it. If she wants to have a relationship with her grandchild she'll have to stop being a bitch. If she doesn't its her loss.

 

[eris]

My ex's family only barely tolerated me because I had two of his children. I apparently stole their son from the "right woman." I didn't relish telling them. I let him tell them and boy was that a shitfest. They told him I should abort the first one. I left him when I was 2 months pregnant with our second so they hadn't even been told yet.

Sometimes the other family is overrated. And whatever issues she has with you are her own. However, if you really want to try and make things work with her, I would suggest taking Pandi's suggestion. Otherwise, either let hubby tell her or send her a picture of the sonogram and say congratulations! You're gonna be a grandmother...again! Let her deal with it in her own time.