Terrified of giving birth

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by BellaBoo0512, Sep 13, 2020.

  1. BellaBoo0512

    BellaBoo0512 Well-Known Member

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    I'm 31 weeks with my 2nd child. My first child is 7 now but I can still remember the birth as though it was yesterday and it was very traumatic.

    During my first pregnancy I had gestational diabetes and polyhydramnios and had a few episodes of reduced movement (probably because I was so big) I also had problems with my kidneys at 35 weeks which landed me in hospital for a week.

    At 37 weeks I ended up being induced because I had reduced movement again, they induced me on the Tuesday, contractions started that night but I didn't actually give birth till the Thursday morning. I had my waters broke, had an epidural which failed and left me with nerve damage in my leg, baby was back to back and I ended up having an episiotomy and forceps delivery but because the epidural failed, I felt everything :( the surgeons were all gowned up ready to take me for an emergency C section. Luckily the forceps worked but I broke my coccyx in the process.

    Everyone keeps telling me that it will be different this time around but I don't think people understand how awful it was the first time.

    Luckily I've not been diagnosed with gestational diabetes this time (yet) I've had 2x glucose tolerance tests which have been fine but every time I see the midwife there is glucose in my urine :shrug:

    For those of you who had similar experiences with your 1st, was your 2nd birth better/easier in comparison?

    I just feel more scared the closer I get to my due date. When I ask the midwife she just says I'll be fine but I kinda hoped for more reassurance from her than that! I was told after having DS I would be offered an elective Csection with future births but the thought of a section terrifies me just as much, especially with the long healing time.

    Thank you to those of you that have taken the time to read. Sorry its such a long one!

    For those of you that are expecting your first, please don't let my experience freak you out. I've been assured that I just had lots of bad luck :(
     
  2. playgirl666

    playgirl666 Well-Known Member

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    Hi my 1st I went in to labour naturally at 37 weeks, my labour lasted around 14 hours, by the end i had tierd myself out, i ended up with forceps and i tore badly, my 2nd one was much easier, labour started naturally at 39 weeks, from start to finish it was 6 hours, it was a mich better experience, im on my 5th now and all 4 labours I had no pain relief, I hope ur 2nd goes smoothly x
     
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  3. doggylover

    doggylover Pregnant with #4

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    :hugs: goodness no wonder you are worried. It sounds as if you had an awful time with your first.

    I had two vaginal births, although neither even close to as traumatic as yours. Both induced, both needing intervention, and with my second he was back to back and forceps and I tore very, very badly. When I was pregnant with no3 the thought of doing it again was terrifying, and I asked for a section, which they were happy with due to my previous tear which could potentially have gotten worse.

    The section was BY FAR the best birth I’ve had, and I’ll be having a second for this baby. It was calm, relaxed, I knew what was happening the whole time, and I didn’t miss out on any of it. The idea of it can be scary, and the healing time is a pain in the ass (especially not driving) but honestly, it was my most pleasant birth experience without a doubt. So if you feel that it’s something you may want, discuss it with your midwife.

    It sounds like your midwife is fobbing you off somewhat. She should really be taking your fears more seriously. Is your care only midwife led?
     
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  4. Kiwiberry

    Kiwiberry Mommy to 3 miracles

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    I didn't want to read & run. Big hugs hun :hugs:.
     
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  5. BellaBoo0512

    BellaBoo0512 Well-Known Member

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    Hi thanks for taking the time to reply :) i'm glad that your deliveries weren't as bad as your first.I'm hoping if I can go into labour naturally this time then it hopefully wont be as bad x

    Thanks for replying hun. Yeah I did have an awful time but I think I kinda pushed it to the back of my mind until the other day when I had a false alarm and ended up on the maternity ward for monitoring and it brought everything back.I'm glad the section was a positive experience for you. How long was your recovery? Do you feel anything when you are in the operating theatre?

    I am seeing the community midwife tomorrow so I will discuss with her and see what she says. I'm not sure if my care is midwife only, I plan to have the baby in hospital x

    thanks hun :hugs:
     
  6. SCgirl

    SCgirl NTNP since June 2020

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    I almost died after my first. Due to the complications (and risk of repeat), I had a C-Section with my second. Totally different, and not nearly as traumatic!! But still nerve-wracking. I’m a bit nervous now knowing that this third one will have to come out somehow- probably PTSD.
     
  7. jellybeanxx

    jellybeanxx Well-Known Member

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    My first was an induction at 38 weeks due to GD and was long and generally not great. I didn’t actually realise the psychological effects it had on me until I had my second.
    My second was completely different. The labour and birth couldn’t have been more straight forward and it was very healing.
    I do recommend speaking to someone at a birth reflections service if your hospital offers one as it can help to talk things through.
     
  8. MrsKatie

    MrsKatie Well-Known Member

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    Though I didn’t have any actual trauma with my first birth, it was some kind of ungodly mind-bending agony that was relentless and intolerable. I screamed my head off for hours and was completely out of control. It was awful. It wasn’t “intense”, it wasn’t just “a lot of work”, it was excruciating and inhumane. I was at a birth center with no pain relief options and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done ever.

    my second? Labor was so easy (like, easy) that I didn’t even leave for the hospital until 35 mins before he was born. I got there 9.5cm dilated and pushed for 4 minutes. It was intense at the end, but I remember thinking once it was over I could do it again, and if every labor could be like that i would never worry about anything.

    My good friend had the same experience- first baby induced for high blood pressure, 24 hours labor epidural baby in distress emergency csection even though she was 10cm. Awful, traumatic. Second baby? She got to the hospital still relaxed and ready to push! No complications.

    Second babies are a breeze. this will be your healing birth. You will do wonderfully and I promise you’ll be so relieved by how well it goes!
     
  9. Classic Girl

    Classic Girl HPT House Mom!

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    First birth was traumatic just like yours. Second was a walk in the park.
     
  10. doggylover

    doggylover Pregnant with #4

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    By day 2 when I left hospital (2 nights in) I was able to walk around the house easily, carry small loads of washing, put easy dinners in the oven. I felt that the first two weeks went better than I expected, I wasn’t overly sore at all, and I was able to do most things I needed to. However weeks 3-4 I felt my recovery stalled somewhat, I stayed very much at the same level of activity. HOWEVER! I think a lot of that was because I was actually taking it so easy I wasn’t building myself up again. My husband and parents did all the school runs, took my toddler for the day etc so I just lay on the sofa with my newborn all day (which was fab!). But I do think if I had done a bit more I would have seen an improvement in weeks 3-4, and this time I do plan to be a bit more active in those weeks if I am able.

    I would say I was back to normal just after 5 weeks. I’m not a hugely fit/active person, I don’t do any exercise other than walking with the dogs/kids and I could manage short-medium walks by week 5.

    In theatre I didn’t feel any pain whatsoever. I did feel some pressure, but no pain at all. And I have to say, overall I experienced very little pain as the painkillers did a great job (and were suitable for breastfeeding if that will apply to you). I wouldn’t say I was sore in hospital at all - but I couldn’t quite stand up straight until 24hrs later!!!

    I know a section is a major surgery, but for me it was absolutely the right choice. If I had a vaginal birth my tear could have left me incontinent for life, so while it was a no brainer I was still nervous. But I didn’t need to be at all
     
  11. doggylover

    doggylover Pregnant with #4

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    Push your midwife to at least discuss your options. I know for a lot of people baby 2 is easier after a bad birth. And sounds like it would be hard to have worse than you did. But it’s also about your own mental health leading up to it all. You have to be absolutely confident and comfortable with your choice.
     
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  12. Suggerhoney

    Suggerhoney TTC our Rainbow baby ❤

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    I had a very traumatic birth with my eldest son and youngest daughter.
    My eldest son was a big baby 8lb 15oz and he got really stuck and they had to use forceps.
    I also had a epidural which didn't work and felt everything.
    He got so stuck he was born not breathing

    And with my daughter I was induced at 35+4 weeks due to ICP and pre eclampsia.
    I ended up having a retained placenta and hemorrhage really bad.
    I was rushed to theatre with a male doctors arm shoved up me to try and hold off the bleeding.
    It was hurendous and so scary. She was only 5lbs so easy to get out but the pain I had after with the retained placenta was hurendous.

    So when I was pregnant with my youngest so I was absolutely terrified about giving birth. I requested a c section but was denied.
    I spoke with my midwife about all my fears and she arranged for me to have a birth matters appointment at our hospital.

    We discussed everything and I told them I wanted to make sure I had a really good epidural this time and one that didn't stop working.

    I felt alot better after this appointment but still nervous.
    Anyway I had ICP again so wasn't aloud to go to 40 weeks and was induced at 37+3 weeks.

    Such a different birth experience and so much better.
    The epidural was fantastic and they kept it topped up right to the end.
    I had such a great positive birth experience that were now ttc again.

    I had gas and air to start off with and then the epidural was put in when I was in established labour.

    So just because u had a bad experience last time it does not mean ure going to have a bad experience this time.
    Definitely speak with ure midwife and ask if u can have a birth matters appointment.
    Tell them how scared you are.
     
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  13. BellaBoo0512

    BellaBoo0512 Well-Known Member

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    Hi all

    Just letting you all know that I saw the midwife yesterday, my usual midwife was on annual leave so I saw a different lady and she was lovely! I was in there for 40 minutes and had a really good chat with her and told her my concerns.

    She has referred me to the 'birth after thoughts' team that work closely with the delivery ward at the hospital, they are going to have a good look through my previous notes and then call me to discuss my options.

    Also yesterday, I had 4+ glucose in my urine, this is the 3rd episode of glucose in my urine now so it looks like I am heading down the gestational diabetes route again.. I had a GTT at 16 weeks and 28 weeks and both of these came back fine but my trust aren't doing a full glucose tolerance test at the moment, I literally had to fast for 12 hours both times and then a blood test as soon as I got to the hospital. I have been measuring my blood glucose levels myself every now and then but they have always been okay :shrug:

    baby is also measuring ahead too, by quite a bit so I'm booked in for a growth scan on Thursday morning. I'm going to see how that goes on Thursday and then take it from there with regards to having an elective c-section. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense but I'm terrified either way!

    Oh wow Suggerhoney it sounds like you have really been through it! Thank you for sharing your experiences with me, I'm so glad that your most recent birth went well for you, how come you were refused a c-section, did they say?
     
  14. doggylover

    doggylover Pregnant with #4

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    I am so glad that you were able to see someone else, sometimes that makes all the difference. Sounds like you’re heading down the right path now in terms of getting support for this birth (whatever that may look like). So sorry to hear about the GD though.

    Just to say I know someone who had 3 elective c sections for no reason other than she wanted them. I was (and am) under the impression that you can’t be refused a c section as long as you are able to give a valid reason for wanting one.
     
  15. mummy2lola

    mummy2lola Mum to 2 trying for 3

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    Hey hun,I just wanted to say,I never ended up with a vaginal birth due to complications I had an emergency csec,nearly died of mrsa when I got home and 7 months of district nurses....2nd time I had elective csec and because it’s all planned out I can honestly say they made me feel like I was the most important person in the world and it was amazing,recovery was super quick.gl and remember lightening never strikes twice xx
     
  16. Suggerhoney

    Suggerhoney TTC our Rainbow baby ❤

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    It was because I hemorrhaged with my daughter and my high risk pregnancy consultant said its to risky to have a section because u can hemorrhage again but its much much worse with a section.

    Please pay no notice to growth scans they are really out and not accurat.

    At 34 weeks my son was measuring 7lbs and they said he was going to be very very big.
    Like over 10lbs.
    He was only 7lb 6oz.

    And with my daughter she was measuring 7 and half lbs at 35 weeks, I was induced 4 days later and she was only 5lbs.
    I had panic attacks over these scan so scared I was going to have to give birth to a giant baby and it was all for nothing.
    My babies were only teenie.
    Was told by my consultant that growth scans can be out by 2lbs either way.

    We are ttc again now and I will definitely be doing it the natural way.
    I wont be pushing for a section because I had such a great birth experience with my son.

    Ure be fine hon.
    Not all births are the same.

    I tore with my first but with the others I didn't tear at all.
    I cried when I was denied a c section but im so happy that I didn't have one in the end.
    If u do get to have the choice maybe really look into it and weigh up the pros and the cons and go from there.

    With a really good epidural in and making sure they keep it topped up u won't feel a thing.

    Another one about growth scans my eldest son was only meant to be 7lbs and no bigger and he was 9lbs.

    I will have to have growth scans when I'm pregnant again but I know now not to worry myself silly over measurements.
    Ure be fine hon.
     
    #16 Suggerhoney, Sep 15, 2020
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2020
  17. Sander

    Sander Well-Known Member

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    Me! I had a horrendous tear when delivering my first. Labour was precipitous and super intense - I went from a 4 to a 10 in 15 minutes. But the tear was the worst part - it took me 5+ months to ‘heal’ and still have issues 2.5yrs later.

    With my 2nd I had a planned section and my only regret is that I spent so long worrying about it. The recovery was a zillion times easier and the procedure itself was so calm and quick. I felt 99% after the first week.

    I found the best way to make a decision is to ask the midwife for a consult with an OBGYN for a section. You can explain your concerns to the doctor and they will help you pick vaginal or section. Once I was actually sitting and talking to the doctor it solidified for me that I wanted a section (he actually pushed me to go vaginal)
     

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