Terrified Of Tearing :(

[msp_teen]

I'm in the clear for my VBAC in June and I'm so scared about tearing it almost makes me tremble. Is the pain from it really that bad if it happens and is the only way to avoid tearing by doing perineal massages and kegels and stuff of that sort because I don't and haven't done any of it! I typically have a pretty high pain tolerance, but I still feel frightened by it. A lot of people tell me that if I took the pain of a c-section I can take the pain of possible tearing, but the thought of my lady parts ripping scares the crap out of me....any of you ladies have advice for me??

 

[Jewel07]

I'm with you on this! First baby and I'm scared of tearing! I can ever so slightly during sex before I was preg and hubby ain't rough lol.
I could always tell I had by a tiny spot on the paper, tear would be ever so small I'm talking like a millimetre but I still think if I do then how am I gonna deal with passing a baby through!!

 

[msp_teen]

I'm with you on this! First baby and I'm scared of tearing! I can ever so slightly during sex before I was preg and hubby ain't rough lol.
I could always tell I had by a tiny spot on the paper, tear would be ever so small I'm talking like a millimetre but I still think if I do then how am I gonna deal with passing a baby through!!

We're in the same boat! My fiance and I dtd the other night and I hadn't done it in a while and hit hurt....I was thinking to myself how in the heck am I going to pass a whole 6-8lb baby out of there...lol

 

[cupcake0406]

Honestly it's really not bad, you can't feel the tear its the stinging from the crowning of the baby's head that it the sensation. Just listen to your midwife and make sure you absolutely breathe when she tells you to and do not push. This will minimise the risk of tearing. Pelvic floor exercises won't decrease your risk of tearing and although the evidence shows that perineal massage can significantly reduce the risk, it does not mean to say that you definitely will tear if not done good luck xx

 

[ArmyWife1984]

I tore with ds. Didnt even feel it or realized i had torn. I was pretty numb from the waist down with all the meds if u get drugs im sure you wont feel a thing.

Only discomfort i had was the weeks after... uncomfortable going to the bathroom.
Felt lots of pressure down there. And sex was very difficult afterwards.

 

[momofmisters]

I tore with all three of my DS....honestly you won't feel the tearing. You will just feel the crowing of the baby's head and thats it. Afterwards you will feel the tightness of the stitches but after 3 days you will not even feel them really. Most hospital I believe give you a peri bottle to rinse with when you pee afterwards which helps with the stinging and keeps your stitches nice and clean.

 

[msp_teen]

Thanks ladies, I feel like I shouldn't be afraid! As I've had a major surgery (c-section), but I feel like the lady parts is a whole different ball field...lol! I'm going to try not to focus on that too much as I've heard contractions are so bad by the time you get to pushing you could care less if you tear, you just want it over!

 

[Mel_jj]

I tore with DS1 but wasn't too bad and only had about 2 stitches and it healed really well and I didn't have too much discomfort, then when I was pregnant with DS2 I did loads more pelvic floor exercises and also inserted EPO capsules vaginally from around 37 weeks and I didn't tear or graze at all and I truly believe it was because the EPO had softened everything up down there that it was able to stretch much more easily and the pelvic floor exercises help by keeping all the muscle/tissue down healthy and so therefore will stretch more easily, I also did some perineal massage but not as often as they say.

It is key to really listen to the midwife though and pant/breathe through the contraction when crowning so that you give it time to stretch slowly.

If you do tear it isn't so bad and just take a jug of water with you to the loo and pour it down over your lady bits whilst peeing and then it won't be so uncomfortable

I am using the EPO again this time etc and fingers crossed I won't tear again! Also the EPO is great for helping to prepare the cervix and soften it so this could also help with your VBAC.......good luck

 

[Anthrogirl]

The two most important things to do to avoid tearing is 1) do NOT give birth on your back. The lithotomy position is the most detrimental position to give birth in as you are pushing against gravity and it tilts the vagina into an awkward angle, and 2) when pushing, listen to your body and ease the baby out, rather than bearing down (chin to chest and holding your breath like they used to have women do) that will bring baby down slowly, giving it time to rotate as it comes out.
You can do it!!

 

[msp_teen]

I tore with DS1 but wasn't too bad and only had about 2 stitches and it healed really well and I didn't have too much discomfort, then when I was pregnant with DS2 I did loads more pelvic floor exercises and also inserted EPO capsules vaginally from around 37 weeks and I didn't tear or graze at all and I truly believe it was because the EPO had softened everything up down there that it was able to stretch much more easily and the pelvic floor exercises help by keeping all the muscle/tissue down healthy and so therefore will stretch more easily, I also did some perineal massage but not as often as they say.

It is key to really listen to the midwife though and pant/breathe through the contraction when crowning so that you give it time to stretch slowly.

If you do tear it isn't so bad and just take a jug of water with you to the loo and pour it down over your lady bits whilst peeing and then it won't be so uncomfortable

I am using the EPO again this time etc and fingers crossed I won't tear again! Also the EPO is great for helping to prepare the cervix and soften it so this could also help with your VBAC.......good luck

Thanks such great advice, and what is EPO and where can I get some..lol!

The two most important things to do to avoid tearing is 1) do NOT give birth on your back. The lithotomy position is the most detrimental position to give birth in as you are pushing against gravity and it tilts the vagina into an awkward angle, and 2) when pushing, listen to your body and ease the baby out, rather than bearing down (chin to chest and holding your breath like they used to have women do) that will bring baby down slowly, giving it time to rotate as it comes out.
You can do it!!

So basically its best to not try and force it and try to just ease into it! That makes a lot of sense, I would think the force pushing would cause a woman to burst....

 

[laceyinthesky]

I'm right there with ya.. I'm scared of tearing or needing an episiotomy... but I've heard that something like 80% of first time moms need one so I'm really not sure if kegels and perineal massage really help prevent having one or maybe they just help you heal faster if you do?

 

[Mel_jj]

EPO is Evening Primrose Oil, I have the soft capsules and got mine from a health food shop they are the 1300mg capsules but I am in the UK, but im sure you can get hold of them somewhere, I started taking them orally from 35 weeks and then inserting one vaginally at night from 37 weeks it is best to do it as you are going to bed so that it has chance to dissolve and it is best to wear a panty liner or something as some of the oil does leak out a bit

 

[missy1]

You really don't need to worry. I had a second degree tear and needed 6 stitches. After going through the pain of contractions it is nothing. In fact I don't even think I felt a thing when I tore and I only had gas in air for pain relief. I know why I tore. After my daughters head had crowned the midwife told me to just do little pushes to ease the rest of the body out but I instead gave one almighty push and she came flying out. I felt that was what my body wanted to do and so I went with it. Next time I will try and do those small pushes but it's not easy to do them. I am 30 weeks pregnant and haven't really thought about tearing or worried about it because it honestly was not that much of a big deal. You feel a bit tender for a few days and when I wanted to pee I just ran a jug of warm water over my bits to dilute the pee and I never got any stinging or pain. I kept the wound extremely clean and it healed up very quickly. I can't tell you how euphoric you will feel and relieved at that stage as all the pain is over and you are meeting your baby for the first time that the tearing is the last thing on your mind. You won't even notice it. When I think back I laugh about it, my legs up in stirrups, two midwives stitching me up and I was on my mobile phone to my family telling them the good news. By that stage you just don't care lol xxx

 

[CatherineK]

I had pretty bad tears both times, but didn't feel them at all whenthey happened. Slight discomfort for a week or two afterwards was all. A rinse bottle with warm water and antiseptic cooling spray were all I needed for the discomfort.

 

[Eleanor ace]

I tore quite badly with DS. 3rd/4th degree tear, an hour getting stitched up in theatre and 50+ stitches. Honestly, it was no bother! When you're pushing you're kind of numb down there, well not numb but everything feels different. I can't really explain it but you don't feel tearing like you would if you weren't pushing a baby out! I didn't even know for sure I'd torn. I felt sore for a few days but nothing major and was up and about the next day. I'm not worried about tearing this time pain wise, only about the complications it could give me with my previous tear.
I tore because I was on my back (needed to be for constant monitoring) and DS came out with his hand by his face, he was back to back and trying to turn as he came out. If you can avoid pushing on your back you're a lot less likely to tear, and just take it slow when you're pushing- your midwives should guide you

 

[msp_teen]

Thanks ladies, you all have made me feel a lot better! I definitely will be getting some of that EPO, as I think it would help!

 

[purpleshark]

I was cut and had a bad tear (3rd degree) and if i'm honest, i don't remember the pain of being cut or tearing! I only had gas and air when giving birth. Obviously it is different for everyone though. I was sat on the bed as normal after being stitched up, was walking about normally when i left the hospital a couple of days later too.

 

[Julesillini8]

I think it's an honest concern. But really, there's not much you can do, so try not to kill yourself with worry. I did have a very bad tear, internal and external stitches ( muscle and skin). I had an epidural which didn't work, and it was quite painful, but like other women said I don't know if it was the actual " tearing" or the crowning and baby coming out! All in all, it's gonna hurt like a biatch, but what can you do? Us women are strong and can survive a lot! Hoping you get your vaginal birth and all goes smoothly for you

 

[MomPepperdine]

As otheres said you don't feel the taring! Honestly wearing the pads for so long hurt more then the stiches! Lol if you bleed a long time like me you get all chapped up down there! I end up using babys butt paste

 

[msp_teen]

I bled for a longgg time with my first, I didnt expect the bleeding to last as long as it did, just about 4 weeks or maybe longer! Just looking forward to doing it natural, but I'm a worry wart at times and this is one of my worries! I know I'll be fine as I know my pain tolerance is relatively high, so I'm thinking things should be alright!