The dreaded "baby blues"

[tinymumma]

I think I've finally hit them I'm scared to touch him. He needs a bath because he's got so much flaking skin and dried milk on him but when I tried he just screamed like I've never heard him scream before. I sat in bed and cried while he was screaming. I was too scared to touch him. I don't know how to soothe him. I try skin to skin, then he wants to feed. So I try and he will spit it out and continue screaming. He hates being changed and dressed. I can never tell when he actually wants a need as he's always sucking on his hands. If I try and he's not hungry, he'll take it for a second, then pull away and scream, getting milk everywhere. I just feel so helpless.
I need to sleep but I'm too afraid I'll miss one of his cues and will wake to him screaming, unable to be soothed. I need a proper shower but I'm scared he'll need me. I'm so sore down there, every single muscle in my body aches. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry for a month.

 

[Wish85]

Aw sweety, all I can say is it gets easier. I remember feeling exactly the way your describing at the start. I was scared of my little boy and I don't think I ate or sleep for the first two weeks because I didn't want to miss any cues. I had no idea what I was doing and it sucks when you don't have confidence but as each day passes you get to know them and a good routine is established.

Baby blues are completely normal but just keep and eye on yourself. I thought I just had baby blues but mine lasted longer than a few days and when the health nurse visited me and screened me with questions they said I was suffering from PPD. Not saying you are but just something to remember if these feelings don't subside xx

 

[LoveCakes]

Baby blues just hit you. I cried at absolutely nothing. You're also recovering physically from a huge thing.

I've also found with your first it's so overwhelming as you just expect to know what to do, that you'll wake up with this amazing knowledge on day one. Every mum takes time to get to know their baby. I'm six weeks in and get it right more often than not but I still panic when she's screaming in my face and I don't know why. She goes from asleep to hungry in 30 seconds with no cues so it's necessarily that you're missing them. Your baby may not know what they want.

Just priories things. Wash their face, they probably don't need a bath. As long as they're fed and not in pain the rest is optional.

Is there anyone can help? I think I've read on another thread you're breast feeding but even someone to set up the bath etc... Or even make you a cup of tea? I was determined to do it all myself but now realise you just can't do it all alone or and shouldn't try to.

Don't be too hard on yourself and remember hormones do crazy things and more importantly it will get better! Hang on in there.

 

[Popples1]

Try not to worry, these are totally normal feelings. Looking back, I was quite overwhelmed and nervous of my little boy in those first couple of weeks. He was so tiny and dependent. He also really struggled with breastfeeding so every feed was nerve wracking! It will pass in a few days (or even a couple of weeks) but be kind to yourself in the meantime. Put him in his basket while you take a shower or bath (the latter helps soothe your sore bits) or let someone else take him for a short while. Forget everything except looking after yourself and your son. It takes a while to get to know each other but believe me, you'll soon be the best of friends . Let the housework pile up and get hold of some take away menus. You're doing great xx

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Big hug. Feeling low and worried etc is normal xxxx

can you fit carseat or moses basket in bathroom while you shower? the noise may soothe him

 

[EarthMama]

Same happened to me, both times!! I was scared to sleep, but the less you sleep, the more uneasy and emotionally frayed you will become. Give yourself permission to get some rest! And if he screams, it's okay, you will respond to him best as you can. You're doing great, the early days are hard for everyone, no matter how many kids you have!

I would just get a warm wet cloth and wipe down his face, creases and folds and call that a bath until you're feeling more comfortable. Keep trying skin to skin...keep trying different things over and over again. That's how I coped with my son when he was a newborn, he was a VERY fussy and high needs baby! I know what you're going through and it's so stressful at first. You're getting to know each other; hang in there, it WILL get easier. Even my daughter who is much calmer didn't know what she wanted/needed that first week. I just did the best I could, that's all we can do.

 

[cupcaker]

I think much of that is normal feelings. Having a baby is a massive trauma to your body (however a baby is delivered). In any other similar circumstance/type of trauma, or "injury" I would say (!) you would be told to go home, rest, and have people look after you. "you've just been in hospital!"

With birth, it's like "here, have a stonking great trauma to your body then go do the relentless, sleep free, rest free, task of looking after a small baby, with no time to take care of yourself or eat properly to aid recovery".

All I can say is try not to be worried or distressed (as hard as it is) by the cries because they DO cry. I used to want to burst into tears any time my son cried but you become more resiliant to it, become more able to find the answer to it and not let it upset you so much. And the baby hasn't read the rule book either. I was told this repeatedly when he wouldnt do this that or the other. Your baby probably doesnt know what he wants either at times, he's so young and getting himself into lathers too. You are doing nothing wrong. x

 

[Eleanor ace]

Big . The baby blues are horrible! The worst part of having a baby for me. They pass though and soon you will feel better and looking after LO will become second nature. If you're not feeling better soon though speak to your doctor just in case x

 

[chicky160]

Oh god. I remember those days, they are etched into every one of our brains. It's that horrible "don't know your arse from your elbow" everything hurts, exhausted, blah blah I'm sure you don't need me to go on. Mine lasted about a week. It will get better and so much easier. Pop him in his car seat and take him for a shower with you, he will probably like the change of scenery and it'll make you feel so much better. I used to be scared to sleep too and would get horrid chest pains whenever he made any kind of noise, it's so hard to learn what they want/need but sometimes just like us they just need a little shout/moan. If he's fed, clean and winded and still having a little moan then that's just what babies do. This is all new to him too remember. Big hugs to you mummy. Hang in there.

 

[_Meep_]

EVERYONE goes through this, and you're not doing anything wrong. Having a new baby, while amazing in many respects, is incredibly hard. It's overwhelming. It's terrifying. I remember some days feeling like I'd made an awful mistake thinking I could possibly be a parent; like I'd never be happy again; like I had no idea what I was doing and my daughter would die because I had absolutely no clue about how to look after her.

The first few weeks fly by in a blur. You will get through them, although you might not remember how you managed it.

Your baby is new. He doesn't know how to communicate with you, except by crying. It doesn't mean that he is desperately unhappy or that he doesn't like you - he doesn't know what unhappiness is, nor does he know what happiness is just yet. You won't hurt or damage him by not being sure how to calm him at the moment. He's crying because he's bewildered to be here and all he knows is that he wants his basic needs to be met. He will feed if he is hungry - keep offering and don't worry if sometimes he doesn't want to. Other than that, you can help him by changing him, rocking him, holding him close and just loving him as much as you can, even though you feel ghastly. In time - SHORT time - you will learn to soothe him and he will trust in you implicitly. You've been one being for a long time, but you still have to get to know each other as two separate individuals.

You are his mother. Just keep doing your best and to him you will become the absolute centre of the universe. Don't be afraid of him. Try whatever you feel might help to calm him down - even in this age, our instincts are still there.

I was convinced my daughter hated me until one night she finally settled in my arms and I realised that was all she had wanted all along while I'd struggled to settle her in her basket. Now she's the most friendly, smiling little person imaginable - interactive, alert and a joy to be around. So much will change in just a few short weeks. You can do it. Everything you need is all there inside. Even two weeks from now you will look back and feel so much more confident, I promise. Xx

P.S. Really don't worry about bathing him - babies usually have a full body peel after they are born and are pretty flaky for a while.

 

[tinymumma]

Thank you all so much!! You ladies on this site are such a life line right now.

 

[JessesGirl29]

I won't echo what everyone else said, by day four I cried at everything thinking I was a horrible mother....

I just wanted to say that when my son used to act hungry eating his hand but pull off he was gassy. Burping was the bane of my existence for so long. I used to cry saying I could handle everything but being up at night trying to get that burp out. Their stomachs are so tiny that one burp will stop them from being able to eat without pain. Does he burp well??

 

[tinymumma]

Sometimes. He mainly gets them up himself and if he has gas, he just wants to be cuddled and I'll help it to come out. He's pretty good with it though. The hand sucking thing is just a comfort I think. He's done it since the second he was born and even in my belly, on most scan photos he had his fingers in his mouth.

 

[MrsVenn]

Aww I had to respond and echo what others have said. My DD was a little madam for getting undressed and bathed, anyone would have thought we were drowning her! I remember it took me over half an hour once to get a vest on her and I ended up crying my eyes out but then thought..how can a 2 week old be in control of this situation!? RIGHT! No more nonsense, remembered how much the midwife pulled her about and got on with it, hehe. I also used to regularly say "it's you and me kid, we're a team, don't let me down!"

As for showering etc, just plough on with your routine, he'll soon settle in to it and have to lump it for 5 mins whilst you take care of your needs, it is allowed I used to put DD in her rocker on the bathroom floor and talk to her, if she stirred whilst I was washing my hair then I sang to her but had to learn to build that thick skin first and realise she wasn't dying. Usually it was just because she wanted a cuddle! I ended up calling my MIL one morning, again in tears, asking her to come down and deal with DD as I couldn't do anything. She turned up, DD was full of smiles and didn't bat an eyelid... MIL just laughed and went "yep they do that! Go and have a LONG bath".

Babies keep you on your toes but you soon settle in to it and it gets so much easier, it really does. My DD is 4 now and so demanding in other ways, patience is low and instant gratification is always what she wants and if anything she's harder to ignore now as she's usually climbing on me, on something, being a nuisance etc. All of this to look forward to xxx

 

[MoominJ]

Keep going! I found little trips out helped when I felt stressed and he would also sleep as soon as he got in the car!

Do u have a bouncer chair? It's very handy to stick him in while u shower/eat! We got a cheap one with a vibrate setting on and it's a godsend!

 

[ClairAye]

I don't think any newborn likes being changed or dressed/undressed! Have you tried putting him in a bouncer? Both of mine loved having a vibrating bouncy chair. My DS also needed white noise for the first while, it was great for settling him down. You could take him in the bathroom with you in his chair or basket so he can see/hear you, and he may enjoy the sound of the shower too. It gets easier though and soon enough it will all be second nature to you

 

[tinymumma]

We do have a bouncer, definitely trying that one! MrsVenn, I think that's the hardest thing to wrap my head around. That I'm allowed to take care of myself and although he is the best thing in my life, I have needs too

 

[MrsVenn]

We do have a bouncer, definitely trying that one! MrsVenn, I think that's the hardest thing to wrap my head around. That I'm allowed to take care of myself and although he is the best thing in my life, I have needs too

You'll get there but it's a learning experience. Just remember, if he was baby number 2, 3, 4 etc, he'd have to 'learn to wait' once in a while if you were busy with another child or if he was a twin, you only have 1 brain and 2 hands. It is so important for a Mum to take care of herself too in order to be a Mum. Give it time, you'll get there.

 

[justplay91]

As someone who is just a few weeks further down the road than you are, I can say it does get better. That first week is pure hell. So many emotions, running the gamut from terrified to elated to depressed to exhausted... Feeling like you would die for this little person, but you don't know how to help them when they're screaming and it just pulls so hard at your heartstrings. My son is a month old today, and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. We still have rough spots, but we're starting to get a routine down and I'm getting more sleep. You'll get used to your son, and he'll get used to the world and things will stabilize. Meanwhile, take little naps and eat quickly whenever you can. You'd be surprised how much a 20 minute nap or a shower will make you feel better. Good luck! Things will calm down soon.

 

[Linnypops]

Aw, my baby used to cry at bath times but eventually started to like them. Primarily because I took the portable baby bath into the living room infront of the fire and bathed her there..I'd also heat the towel I wrapped her in after. After many weeks it turned out it was just a case of not wanting to be cold beforehand or after coming out...Babies seem really mysterious to begin with but eventually you figure it out.

Also, re: screaming on the boob/bottle but sucking hands. Babies will do this if they want the comfort of sucking but not the actual food. Or anyway, mine does. She'll scream bloody murder if any milk comes her way but if I put a dummy in she's as happy as larry. Again, it's completely normal - which is a big wide range when dealing with babies.

Also, baby blues - normal again - they pass and you get better. x