The MIL - Rant

[hellojello25]

Okay, so I've ranted about her before and basically it has been decided that she will not be babysitting Alex...ever. To keep a long story short, she overfeeds our 4 y.o. niece to the point where she gets sick and tells her to lie about it. She's forgotten to feed our nephew, who is just over 1 y.o., she doesn't always take her anxiety/depression meds, and we just found out that she's made the niece late to school 14 times this year already (she goes to a preschool where it's basically already regular school, so being on time is important), and she only drops the kid off like 2-3 times a week. So we've decided that she will not be babysitting.

But lately she's been doing something that makes me want to punch her. She's been touching my stomach without asking and putting her head down by where the baby is and speaking to him, and then LISTENING LIKE SHE CAN HEAR SOMETHING! I honestly have been hoping that he kicks her in the head when she does that, but its a little early for that lol (maybe soon!). My own mother does not even touch my stomach. Am I being unreasonable in wanting her to knock it off? Sometimes she makes it seem like she's going to be in the baby's life just as much, if not more, than her son and I. Am I a horrible person for being happy that her visits are going to be relegated to once a week for only a few hours? Honestly I wish they were once a month! Once a year! She just annoys me that much. Might be the hormones though, so I thought I'd ask you lovely ladies

 

[Cornfieldland]

Mil's are difficult I feel ur pain, mine lives with us Althoguh she's had a stroke and is more child like now but still annoying.

Yours sounds a bit unstable, I'm sure she's just excited about the baby coming and thinks it's cute talk to ur stomach and isn't thinking to ask if it's making uncomfortable. It's so hard to say how you really feel to ur mil because it's such a touchy relationship. I don't think ur horrible to want to allow her to see u once a week, if I could I'd do the same! With my ex his mom was there all the time and drove me nuts and always gave unwanted advice. I think in the end it's good to have someone else watch the baby that you can say what you want freely and trust.

 

[crazy4baby09]

I don't let anyone touch my belly except my husband and my son, it just makes me uncomfortable. If it makes you uncomfortable it is within your rights to tell her you don't want her to do it. Just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you don't have say over your body.

 

[EmmyReece]

Definitely tell her not to do, espescially as it makes you feel so uncomfortable

Sometimes I get on really well with my mil and other times she drives me crazy. Even when she's in one of her more irritating moods, she wouldn't dare touch my belly without my permission (not that I'd ever give it anyone other than dh or my mum) xx

 

[jtink28]

my FIL used to touch my belly with my DS1 until i politely made it known that it made me uncomfortable. now with this pregnancy he hasn't even tried.

 

[Scarlett2]

I completely understand where you are coming from. Why on earth do people think that, because you are pregnant, they can touch you? If you weren't pregnant wouldn't we think it was weird if people decided to touch us? In fact, don't we try to teach our own children that people shouldn't touch them, especially if they feel uncomfortable with it....

Sorry. Rant over.

I would politely point out that the physical touching of your body makes you feel uncomfortable and that you would like your own space. You could also say that this is particularly whilst you arepregnant and you are having to adapt to physical changes in your body anyway, without worrying about people touching you...

 

[Misscalais]

I don't mind people touching my tummy. But if i felt uncomfortable about it id make it known.
Im glad you have decided not to leave your son with her i remember your last rant about it.

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

I don't mind people touching my bump if they ask but just going ahead and doing it is wrong. Nice that she is showing an interest tho.

No, don't leave your baby with her. It is not her responsibility anyway. It is obviously too much for her if she already can't cope with your niece. Getting her to school 2/3 times a week is a lot to ask. Xxx

 

[Natasha2605]

If you feel that uncomfortable around it then say so. It's not an overly outrageous demand that you ask her to stop doing it.

 

[hellojello25]

Thanks ladies! The problem with telling her is that she will take it personally and get defensive, but I'm past caring about that. I think next time she does it, I'm just going to ask her to stop.

I'm glad that she's showing an interest, but honestly I think she's overly invested in her grandchildren. The babysitting thing is an issue only because she clearly expects to babysit him and have significant one on one time with him. And she seems to get jealous when our 1 y.o. nephew prefers to sit with his mom instead of her. Whenever we bring up looking for daycare, she plays victim because we aren't letting her babysit instead, and gets sad and mopey. I'm done with it. It's got to be the hormones lol normally I would just ignore her and do whatever I want anyways, but its really starting to irritate me how pushy and manipulative she can be. Luckily hubs is standing strong with me. MIL can come over once a week on his day off and we will have dinner together and that's it, but she's not going to be left alone with Alex for any length of time. I think it's pretty reasonable.

 

[jinxii]

Go with your gut! If you're not comfortable with MIL watching baby, don't let her. And same thing for touching you. Take a step back and say something like "I appreciate you trying to bond with the baby, but being touched makes me uncomfortable". As for me, neither MIL (she's 80-something and hates me) or my mother will be babysitting. I work from home so don't anticipate needing much help anyway.

 

[BBsMommy2Be]

My SO's mother is a bit on the looney tune side, so I am with you on having the MIL not babysit. He and my mom butt heads, but my mom is at least mentally stable outside of menopause. You are definitely within your rights as not just a pregnant woman but a woman in general to feel that she a) shouldn't baby sit, and b) shouldn't touch your stomach without asking. I'm so sorry she is making this difficult for you.