The "No FOB" Thread

[Croc-O-Dile]

We have a thread for STM girls, but I thought it would be nice to have a support thread for us STMs who are doing it completely alone, with no contact from FOB.
Being a single mom is hard regardless of whether or not FOB is involved, but there's a certain emotional battle that differs between us with no FOB and those of us who's children still have contact with them. Like every time I see a child playing with their father or calling after their daddy it breaks my heart. Livi might not ever call a man Daddy.

There are times when things like that will happen and I just want to rant about it to people who understand what it's like to be pregnant or have a child that will never know their biological father, for whatever the reason may be.

So I invite all of you STMs who have to raise your child with no FOB at all to rant and rave and give support to those of us who have to one day answer the question, "Where's Daddy?"

 

[rjb]

Just thought I'd explain my situation (I think this is a great idea)
FOB is out of the picture because when my girl asks "Where's daddy?"
I don't want to have to reply "he's in jail again sweetheart, he stole a car" or "he's in jail, he lost his temper and hospitalized someone again"

cheers to you for making this thread ally!

 

[abbSTAR]

Great Idea
when harley asks 'where's daddy' the truth is he denied he's even your dad and told me how I'd ruined his life by keeping you. he turned his back on us and now just abuses the situation. PR*CK I'm better off without him, of course when harleys little he will have a sugar coated version but one day if he wants the truth I'll tell him all the horrible things his father did I think he has the right to know x

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

Thanks

My FOB is violent and has issues with lying about his age to seduce 14 & 15 year old girls into bed with him. He's 26 now, but has gone as far as saying he was 17 to a 14 year old so he could get her number.
The cops got involved but never did anything except allegedly put him on some internet watch list.
He threatened to kill us, so he's not involved.

I still haven't figured out what I'm going to tell Livi when she asks about him. It's not that I want her to think he's a good person when he's not, I just don't want her to know how bad he is, kwim?

 

[rjb]

Thanks

My FOB is violent and has issues with lying about his age to seduce 14 & 15 year old girls into bed with him. He's 26 now, but has gone as far as saying he was 17 to a 14 year old so he could get her number.
The cops got involved but never did anything except allegedly put him on some internet watch list.
He threatened to kill us, so he's not involved.

I still haven't figured out what I'm going to tell Livi when she asks about him. It's not that I want her to think he's a good person when he's not, I just don't want her to know how bad he is, kwim?

i know exactly what you mean.. i'm not sure what i'll tell hudson either :/

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

Thanks

My FOB is violent and has issues with lying about his age to seduce 14 & 15 year old girls into bed with him. He's 26 now, but has gone as far as saying he was 17 to a 14 year old so he could get her number.
The cops got involved but never did anything except allegedly put him on some internet watch list.
He threatened to kill us, so he's not involved.

I still haven't figured out what I'm going to tell Livi when she asks about him. It's not that I want her to think he's a good person when he's not, I just don't want her to know how bad he is, kwim?

i know exactly what you mean.. i'm not sure what i'll tell hudson either :/

I know I'll eventually tell her the truth, but at 4 or 5 years old she doesn't need to know all that. I was thinking of something like "He just wasn't ready to be your daddy, but I was ready to be your mommy." I don't want her to feel like she was a mistake or like I didn't want her, you know?

 

[newmommy23]

If it makes you ladies feel better I never asked about my dad. Not even once. My first words were "Momma" on father's day and he showed up when I was 10 and even then I didn't really give a crap. my mom is my WORLD. I never needed or wanted anyone else.

 

[abbSTAR]

i must admit ive never really asked about my dad not until recently.

 

[mayb_baby]

My mum raised me alone my dad cheated, did drugs, hit her. The works! She allowed me and him to see each other but he disappeared when I was 3 and I never heard from him until I was 8 (my mum sent me letters and presents ‘from him’, so I always believed he cared and she made him out to be nice when I asked so that I wouldn’t get hurt)
When I was 8 he wanted me to visit him I lived in London at the time, he lived in Ireland so she let me and I went every year for a week and he was my world. Then I hit 11 and my aunties told me how he treated my mum I was in shock and confronted her. She told me she didn’t want me to find out from her or so young and that what happened between them shouldn’t affect me and his relationship.

Well I went down again when I was 12 and I was listening to R&B and my dad was off his face (I didn’t know what drugs were then) and he came in saying that music was shit and to turn it off, I turned it up as Tweens do
He grabbed me by the throat and chucked me in my room and then dragged me back out to watch me cry! I decided to continue seeing him up until 3years ago I was 17, we talked on FB until a week ago he said:

DAD:
you not talking to me ?


ME:
Why wud I what do you do for me?? Any of you?

Yeah your all nice when you see me but it's me who makes the effort, I don't see how I need any of you in my life anymore I mean you were only there when it suited you anyway!

You, mars, nana only talk of how hard and complicated I’ve made my life, where’s the support? The help?

Mum, Dad (step dad), OH, mums family, Dad (step dad) family and OHs family are all excited and happy to help us with our baby and our new home! I think Iv now got enough family that are there and care, to be bothered chasing the ones that have never been there!

I just don't see the point in talking to any of you, I mean it's me ends up upset and annoyed and I don't need that.


DAD:
Ok.


My step dad has been in the picture since I was 4 I love him he is my dad, he fathered my little sis and bro and took me and my cousin (she’s disabled (terminally ill) and her mother cannot look after her). He is a Godsend and I love him more than anyone and it took me soo long to see him and my mother (who is my best mate) were all the family I ever needed and that my biological father was a mere sperm doner and my dad (step dad) is a father and a man.

My story and I suppose I wanted you to know I think my life would have been easier if I didn’t know who my dad was.

You girls are amazing and I'm sure you will do fine without a FOB xxxx

 

[QuintinsMommy]

I'm a single mom, fully. Quintins dad saw pictures of him when he was a newborn, then told me he'd come by and he never did. Quins dad is in and out of jail and back on drugs so he will never know quin

 

[QuintinsMommy]

and i was single all my pregnancy

 

[abbSTAR]

Your doing an amazing job with Quintin! you better off with out the scumbag x
and Alley i can't believe how old Olivia is already, she'll be walking before you know it your all fab single mummys x

 

[AriannasMama]

I agree, you are all so strong to do it alone. My mom was single with my older brother and did just fine raising him until she met my dad. There ARE good guys out there who will take your child as their own, you just gotta find them

edit: meant just fine raising him single THEN she met my dad & he took him in as his own and adopted him when they married.

 

[mayb_baby]

I agree with the above xxxx

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

Thank you Lorna for sharing your story. I really hope one day I'll find someone like your Dad who will be willing to treat Olivia like his own. My bio-dad wasn't a real part of my life until I was 5 and my mom got remarried when I was 3 and my step-dad has been a father to me since then.
My bio-dad realized he was being a jerk and straightened his shit out, which is why my mom let him have contact with me again. But it took a long time before I was aloud to be alone with him. I'm Cherokee and my grandmother lives on the Rez. Well he threatened to kidnap me and take me on the Rez where my mother couldn't find me.
Since then he's grown up and now my mom, step-dad, and him are like best friends.

My mom got lucky (as did I), she was so worried about me not having a father, yet I ended up with two!

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

Rome, you are doing such a lovely job with him!

Abb, you're right, it won't be long. She's already rolling over! (Belly-to-back) My little girl's getting so big!

 

[rjb]

Thanks

My FOB is violent and has issues with lying about his age to seduce 14 & 15 year old girls into bed with him. He's 26 now, but has gone as far as saying he was 17 to a 14 year old so he could get her number.
The cops got involved but never did anything except allegedly put him on some internet watch list.
He threatened to kill us, so he's not involved.

I still haven't figured out what I'm going to tell Livi when she asks about him. It's not that I want her to think he's a good person when he's not, I just don't want her to know how bad he is, kwim?

i know exactly what you mean.. i'm not sure what i'll tell hudson either :/

I know I'll eventually tell her the truth, but at 4 or 5 years old she doesn't need to know all that. I was thinking of something like "He just wasn't ready to be your daddy, but I was ready to be your mommy." I don't want her to feel like she was a mistake or like I didn't want her, you know?

exactly. i might tell her just that. that's a great way to put it.

 

[mayb_baby]

Thanks Im glad your dad was able to grow up, olivia will always have you like Quin and Rome you girls are doing fantastic and have stunning babies xoxo

 

[amygwen]

I shouldn't be posting here but I just wanted to say you are all so brave to do without an FOB. I can only imagine how hard it must be

 

[QuintinsMommy]

I remember when i was still pregnant my mom didnt want to come to a doctors appointment with me so i went alone, and my doctor asked who was going to be at the birth and i said "my mom" and he said "no baby dad?well thats his loss" but it was upset
then on the way home there was a man and his two kids and one was a little baby and he was kissing n rocking the baby saying he loves her! i was like I couldnt get off that damn bus fast enough