The old battle of circumsizing a boy?

[Sillysezza]

I'm in the UK and my son had a circumcision at 18 months old, due to a medical condition with his kidneys giving him constant uti's. Drs suggested the possibility of him having it done when he was born, but said they'd rather not put him through it unless they had to. However while he was under general anaesthetic for an operation on his kidneys they advised to go ahead with the circumcision to reduce the chances of him getting any more uti's, so we went ahead and I have to say the next week was heartbreaking. He was so sore and in so much pain from it, that I couldn't understand why anyone would put their child through it willingly.
I know it's each to their own, but I personally wouldn't want to put my child through any unnecessary pain.

 

[Kristle]

Okay so I was against doing a circumcision for my son/cooking in the oven. Daddy originally wanted to but his only reason was because his mom did it to him. I researched until I was blue in the face, we watched utube videos and we discussed it with my OB doctor and decided against. So I was telling my dad about it and he says " I feel bad for that baby already" and "a boy needs a good looking penis" and he was very critical of our decision. Has anyone else experienced negative feedback? If so how did you deal with it. Mind you half his marbles are gone from being a life long drug addict and alcoholic.

Hey ladies, just a friendly reminder this thread was not started for feedback on pro/cons of having it done, but based on the reaction I received after telling my dad, my question was has anyone experienced negative feedback. So I'm dropping out of the conversation as I am not into debating on the subject personally. If you lovely ladies want to continue with it, please do. Kristle respectfully stepping out of thread.

 

[lilmonkey86]

Good call on stepping out Hun!
I just want to go back to your original question, the answer is yes, I had negative feedback on our decision to circumcise, unfortunately in the process of the conversation I learned that my father is not circumcised (something i never needed to know lol) but he is against it, and it seemed to be a bit of a sore subject with him at first, my way about it was to tell him that DH and I had made the decision, we bent on the subject of baptism (as my parents are quite religious and DH and I are not) so we decided to allow our son to baptized, but i was not bending or changing my mind on this, and if he wanted to keep pushing the point I could easily reconsider the baptism point. I was firm but polite and he seemed to get the picture and dropped it.

Okay so I was against doing a circumcision for my son/cooking in the oven. Daddy originally wanted to but his only reason was because his mom did it to him. I researched until I was blue in the face, we watched utube videos and we discussed it with my OB doctor and decided against. So I was telling my dad about it and he says " I feel bad for that baby already" and "a boy needs a good looking penis" and he was very critical of our decision. Has anyone else experienced negative feedback? If so how did you deal with it. Mind you half his marbles are gone from being a life long drug addict and alcoholic.

Hey ladies, just a friendly reminder this thread was not started for feedback on pro/cons of having it done, but based on the reaction I received after telling my dad, my question was has anyone experienced negative feedback. So I'm dropping out of the conversation as I am not into debating on the subject personally. If you lovely ladies want to continue with it, please do. Kristle respectfully stepping out of thread.

 

[notmommyyet]

I'm in the UK and my son had a circumcision at 18 months old, due to a medical condition with his kidneys giving him constant uti's. Drs suggested the possibility of him having it done when he was born, but said they'd rather not put him through it unless they had to. However while he was under general anaesthetic for an operation on his kidneys they advised to go ahead with the circumcision to reduce the chances of him getting any more uti's, so we went ahead and I have to say the next week was heartbreaking. He was so sore and in so much pain from it, that I couldn't understand why anyone would put their child through it willingly.
I know it's each to their own, but I personally wouldn't want to put my child through any unnecessary pain.

I just wanted to address this. There is a big difference between circumcision with a newborn and an 18 month old. As somebody who plans on circumcising I would never in a million year do it that late. I understand your was for medical reasons but I couldn't imagine what your son went through. My nephew didn't get his done till he


was 6 weeks old cause of lack of money to pay for it and I thought it was really wrong. By that point she should have never went through with it. So please don't judge parents based on your situation cause they are completely different circumstances

 

[bdb84]

I just wanted to address this. There is a big difference between circumcision with a newborn and an 18 month old. As somebody who plans on circumcising I would never in a million year do it that late. I understand your was for medical reasons but I couldn't imagine what your son went through. My nephew didn't get his done till he


was 6 weeks old cause of lack of money to pay for it and I thought it was really wrong. By that point she should have never went through with it. So please don't judge parents based on your situation cause they are completely different circumstances

Yes, there is a huge difference. A newborn doesn't get put under general anesthesia like an 18 month would, nor get pain management meds after the procedure. It doesn't hurt LESS on a newborn.. it's just that a newborn isn't capable of vocalizing their pain other than crying.

 

[cookette]

Okay so I was against doing a circumcision for my son/cooking in the oven. Daddy originally wanted to but his only reason was because his mom did it to him. I researched until I was blue in the face, we watched utube videos and we discussed it with my OB doctor and decided against. So I was telling my dad about it and he says " I feel bad for that baby already" and "a boy needs a good looking penis" and he was very critical of our decision. Has anyone else experienced negative feedback? If so how did you deal with it. Mind you half his marbles are gone from being a life long drug addict and alcoholic.

Hey ladies, just a friendly reminder this thread was not started for feedback on pro/cons of having it done, but based on the reaction I received after telling my dad, my question was has anyone experienced negative feedback. So I'm dropping out of the conversation as I am not into debating on the subject personally. If you lovely ladies want to continue with it, please do. Kristle respectfully stepping out of thread.

I'm with you, I'm over the aggressive off topic comments. Over and out.

 

[aragornlover8]

As far as the cosmetic issue is concerned, it's important to consider that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Right now, circumcision is the norm in the US, but the rates have been steadily decreasing as more and more parents decide not to circumcise their infant sons. The makeup in the locker room when my son is in high school will likely be very different from what my brother and father experienced when growing up. Someday it may actually be weirder for a boy to be circumcised than intact (not saying this is going to happen, just painting a picture, so to speak).

In addition, all penises look the same erect. It's only when they're flacid that you can see much of a difference either way.

We've chosen not to circumcise our son. If he wants to in the future, we will support him. One of the reasons we came to this decision is that my husband hates that the decision was taken away from him. He's fine with our son looking different, because he will have a choice he never had. That was his perspective, not mine. I was leaning against it because of the studies I'd read. I actually expected it to be an argument.

 

[messica]

Yes, there is a huge difference. A newborn doesn't get put under general anesthesia like an 18 month would, nor get pain management meds after the procedure. It doesn't hurt LESS on a newborn.. it's just that a newborn isn't capable of vocalizing their pain other than crying.

My son screamed bloody murder during his heel pricks, and slept through his circumcision. I know, because I was there. If he was in pain during or after I would have known because he obviously had no problem expressing discomfort under any circumstance. I let his father make that decision as I felt it was his and his alone to make and after doing plenty of research I came to the conclusion that either way, he'd be fine (and he sure is now at the age of nearly 10 today). He doesn't care. Doesn't remember. Isn't traumatized. And certainly hasn't requested any sort of therapy because he feels like we mutilated him in any way. His life is happy and full, and quite frankly, if I told him there were emotionally wounded grown men hobbling around crying over their long lost foreskins he'd probably crack up and then question what the heck was wrong with them. If that's a man's biggest problem in life, I'd say they're pretty darn lucky and need a hefty dose of perspective.

My husband now is uncircumcised and he and his brothers were teased and harassed RELENTLESSLY in the locker room for that. Whether it's right or wrong that happened to them is moot. It did. In the US it happens all the time and everywhere. Beyond that, he hates that he is *too* sensitive. He's always had a problem with duration for that reason and he HATES that about his performance "abilities." It's not that he doesn't want to go and go, it's that physically he can't. It actually pisses him off at times. If we are blessed with a son you bet he'll consent to doing what we need to do to have our child avoid what he considered/considers to be major hindrances in his life, as opposed to a little (for most boys non-existent and never remembered) pain in infanthood.

My husbands penis is the only uncircumcised penis I've personally ever seen and although that alone wouldn't sway how I feel about this, it is also the ugliest. Bar none. For those that say that's not an issue for them, that's fine, but not everyone feels the same way. Some women like tall and thin men, some like short and stocky, on the flip side of that some men like big breasts while others like small, same go for eyes, hair, teeth, thighs and bums. Having a preference of what a penis looks like is really no different so I'm not sure why that's trying to be used as a sticking point for several on this thread.

 

[Tasha]

Messica, that's pretty sad that you would belittle a man's pain over it. Okay you don't get why it would leave them traumatised but it can and does. I always think that just because there are greater problems in the world doesn't make the persons problem/pain/trauma less significant to them.

 

[Tasha]

Aside from that, I honestly have no clue how they all know what each other's penises look like as teens etc. we didn't have communal showers but did have communal changing rooms. Everyone faced the wall, had towels round them etc. asked my hubby and they had communal showers but guys would wear swim shorts or boxers (and have a spare pair) and then have towels. I guess it may be different elsewhere where nudity isn't an issue but even so surely it's like using the urinal for them where they try and avoid looking as such?

 

[messica]

Messica, that's pretty sad that you would belittle a man's pain over it. Okay you don't get why it would leave them traumatised but it can and does. I always think that just because there are greater problems in the world doesn't make the persons problem/pain/trauma less significant to them.

Pain is subjective. Lots of people believe living without two vehicles, a three story house, satellite tv, high speed internet on a three acre lot and seven credit cards is "suffering."

To some it truly may be. So what would you say to them? That you sympathize with their plight and understand why and how they could let those deficits completely ruin their lives??

I choose to raise my children with perspective. If at the end of the day the worst thing my son says I ever did to him was circumcise him based on our cultural norms? I can more than live with that and will definitely accept his right to make different decisions for his own children someday. I would apologize, and then expect him to move on because what I did was done with nothing but his best interests at heart. My children and I have been through some pretty mucked up things in life, and I will never teach them that dwelling in any amount of pain is healthy or logical. Life could always be worse. You do what you can to fix what makes you unhappy. And if there's nothing can be done you move forward anyway.



Yes, there are communal showers and wide open changing rooms. In every locker room I've ever been in it's all one giant room. No one wore swim suits or underclothes when they showered (wouldn't that defeat the purpose of cleaning up the dirtiest of places??). Same went for college dorm bathroom facilities. No I never stood there and stared, but I also didn't walk around staring up at the ceiling. When it comes to boys......well, if you think they're inclined to act more maturely than the girls handled the situation I imagine you've got another thing coming. The bravado of nudity doesn't end in toddlerhood for many, and to the contrary, can escalate when a young man passes adolescents and no longer feels awkward about his changed body. There's nothing wrong with that level of confidence, as long as one is pretty uniform compared to the rest. It's a wonderful thing to tell your child that uniformity doesn't matter but to most human beings, adhering to social norms in most capacities, absolutely does.


It's not like the US is the only place this sort of thing happens. It's everywhere, all the time, all over the world in millions of different capacities. It is why most of us make the daily choices we do regarding our lives and the lives of our children.



Keep in mind I'm not expecting anyone to agree with me, I'm just offering my perspective. How I came to the conclusions I have and why. I respect everyone else's decision to do what they feel is best for them and theirs.

 

[jessieJ24]

My son is circumsized and if this baby is a boy he will be circumsized too. I live in the US and it is a cultural norm. My hubby is circed and I think they should all look the same. My son is in perfect health, as are his genitals. And I don't care to argue about it at all lol

 

[Paloma123]

I'm In the UK and not something we really do here, unless you're Jewish I believe? So it's not something that I'd ever need to think about doing, it'd be a given that he would not be circumcised. X

 

[purplecupcake]

I am not understanding the whole locker room being made fun of argument. EVERYONE has been bullied or made fun of by something, and the answer is not to change your child so it won't happen. If your son was made fun of for having a large nose are you going to rush out and get him rhinoplasty? If he is made fun of for being a certain ethnicity should he try to change and hide those things? Why teach a child that taking drastic measures like surgery is okay to prevent their dick from being made fun of? I'd much rather teach my child how to stick up for himself and let rude comments roll off his back rather than cut off a part of his body "just in case".

 

[messica]

You don't have to understand it purplecupcake. It's not necessary for you to understand why my family makes the choices it does anymore than it's necessary for me to understand why your family makes the choices they do. You do have to respect the differences on some level though, and realize not everyone in life is going to do things the way you do.

Lots of people have big noses. Lots of people have different ethnicities. When you're the ONLY one with a certain physical attribute however, that does muck things quite a bit more.

Again, if my child was born with a large vascular birthmark on her face that I could have safely and medically removed to spare her from being forced to deal with jerks in life - you bet I would. Same would go if she was born with an additional appendage, or deformity. Lots of children with cleft lip palates can function just fine the way they were born. Do most parents leave them like that and tell them to just buck up and deal with bullies and gawkers? Nope. They put their child through multiple surgeries in an attempt to give them a more conformed appearance to spare them the cruel nature of others. To give them the sense that they do fit in, and are the same. There is NOTHING wrong with that and imo children deserve to feel as "normal" as possible amongst their peers. Tolerance is great, teaching your children to be confident despite their differences is noble, but it's also a bit much to ask sometimes. Especially in regards to their sexuality.


Beyond that, I'm perplexed why this is such a big deal when things like this exist all over the world. Cultural body modifications done in the name of uniformity didn't start in the United States nor are they exclusive to this country by a looooooong shot. I'm not sure why citizens in the UK would think they'd have the right to tell everyone else what's right or wrong in that regard as I've seen so many people here do. Tattooing, piercing, branding, scarring, amputation, skeletal modifications, heck, even orthodontics (you're born with the teeth you're supposed to have, so why would you ever put your child through the pain of getting braces?) are common practices in different places of the world and represent all kinds of things amongst different cultures of people - the most common being a sense of belonging, of uniformity and a desire to be seen as acceptable, desirable, mature or just plain brave to the group one lives amongst. That is what it is and it's never going to change.


If it's not something that's done where you're at, by all means, sit there and scratch your head incredulously. But the judgment is completely unnecessary. Your culture is exclusive to your area, and the differences within others should be respected.

 

[N27murray]

This thread is no longer about circumcision. Its being stretched out into obscure arguments now. I also think I'm going to bow out.

stay classy ladies...

 

[calm]

As the OP has left the thread I think the best thing is to close this now