It's a few days before Christmas and I don't know if it's Christmas or horemones or what but... I'm feeling very low. I keep hearing the wonderful news from other women who lost their babies around when I lost mine, saying that they're expecting again. I'm so happy for them and at first their new pregnancies gave me hope but now... I sort of feel left out. Left behind. We decided after losing Silver that we would wait to try again. My OB wants me to lose 40 pounds before we start again, 15 percent of my body weight. While I understand why, even agree with it, it's such slow going and I've been at the same weight for weeks now. 18 pounds lost. 22 left to go but I seem to be stuck where I am... I'll be 30 this year, in 2013, and I just sort of feel like I'm going to miss my chance. It took us years to conceive Silver and I'm worried that if we have as much trouble this time it'll just never happen. I think before Silver I would have been okay with that. I have one amazing child already and he would have been enough. But losing Silver has left a void where a healthy child should be. I feel like if we can't conceive again I'll always feel like something is wrong... missing. Also, Silver had a chromosomal abnormality, the chances of which increase with age and I don't think I'll be able to survive another loss if it happens again.
I am trying to be pleased with the progress I've already made. To look to the future and find hope in the happiness of my friends who are conceiving and having healthy babies... But I still just feel sad... Discouraged.
I am trying to be pleased with the progress I've already made. To look to the future and find hope in the happiness of my friends who are conceiving and having healthy babies... But I still just feel sad... Discouraged.