The Plateau

[Mahoghani]

It's a few days before Christmas and I don't know if it's Christmas or horemones or what but... I'm feeling very low. I keep hearing the wonderful news from other women who lost their babies around when I lost mine, saying that they're expecting again. I'm so happy for them and at first their new pregnancies gave me hope but now... I sort of feel left out. Left behind. We decided after losing Silver that we would wait to try again. My OB wants me to lose 40 pounds before we start again, 15 percent of my body weight. While I understand why, even agree with it, it's such slow going and I've been at the same weight for weeks now. 18 pounds lost. 22 left to go but I seem to be stuck where I am... I'll be 30 this year, in 2013, and I just sort of feel like I'm going to miss my chance. It took us years to conceive Silver and I'm worried that if we have as much trouble this time it'll just never happen. I think before Silver I would have been okay with that. I have one amazing child already and he would have been enough. But losing Silver has left a void where a healthy child should be. I feel like if we can't conceive again I'll always feel like something is wrong... missing. Also, Silver had a chromosomal abnormality, the chances of which increase with age and I don't think I'll be able to survive another loss if it happens again.
I am trying to be pleased with the progress I've already made. To look to the future and find hope in the happiness of my friends who are conceiving and having healthy babies... But I still just feel sad... Discouraged.

 

[kpk]

I've heard that breaking up your routine can help burst through a plateau. I'm sorry for your loss. I hope the weight loss progress will help you conceive more quickly the second time around. Congratulations on being 18 pounds down!!

 

[Pink_Sparkle]

Hey hun, I didnt want to read and run. Please please dont be so hard on your self...with all these thoughts it sounds like you are putting yourself under alot of pressure. In the grand scale of things its really not been long since you lost Silver and you really need to give yourself some more time for emotional healing. Like you, I am overweight and only conceived Freya after 4 and a half years and losing 30 pounds. I am by no means slim and still very overweight. I decided that because I was turning 30 next year and still had alot of weight to lose, I really need to get a move on and lose the weight to get pregnant....I really really struggled. I literally only lost a couple of pounds. I was stuck in a plateau and really really panicking. I was getting stressed, friends, family and dh where telling me to try and calm down about getting pregnant as my body physically wouldnt allow me to get pregnant with being under so much pressure. They were right and I think this is why the last positive opk I got was in October. I was so stressed I wasnt ovulating. I had no choice but to chill out and let it happen when it happens....Then to my complete shock I got my bfp on the 9th of December. Until then, I thought we were in for the long haul with ttc again and part of me thought that getting pregnant the first time was a fluke - but it wasnt, Im not infertile like i thought and neither are you. Regardless of your weight, you got pregnant before and you will again.

One thing Ive learned is that with ttc, you actually have little control over it. Your body will get pregnant when its good and ready. Please dont worry about turning 30 - there are women well into their 40's having healthy babies. I had to constantly remind myself of this. Good luck hun xxx